The Road Not Taken
by Buffychick
Summary: After a dream sends Angel and crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that allows them a glimpse at what their lives might have been like had one detail been altered. *NOTE* This story was posted on the Buffy Cross & Stake Board BEFORE "Birthday!"
1. Prologue

******************

Title: _The Road Not Taken_

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

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The Road Not Taken

***********************

Angel rolled in his sleep, clutching at the crimson sheets as the dream overtook him. There was a hallway, long and narrow, and he knew without a doubt that he didn't want to go down it. Torches lit the dark granite on either side, cobblestones lined the floor. Behind him was a heavy wooden door that he desperately wanted to hide behind, but knew he couldn't. In front of him was a door of steel, perhaps a hundred feet away, looming. Sluggish feet took a reluctant step towards it.

"Wake yerself up and you won't have to, ye know," a voice came from behind him. He whirled and found himself face to face with smiling Irish eyes.

Angel squinted in the dimly lit hall. "Doyle?"

"In the flesh…well, the apparitiony flesh, but the flesh just the same," he said, eyes twinkling. "It's good to see you, Angel."

"What are you…where are we?" was Angel confused reply. 

His former partner's eyes became shaded with seriousness. "You know."

Angel turned and looked back over his shoulder. "I have to go, don't I?"

"You don't need me here to answer that question, mate."

"What if I don't?"

Doyle shrugged. "We both know you're not going to run away from this, so what's the point in asking?"

"Are you coming with me?"

Doyle snorted. "Now, kid, you've never needed me to hold your hand. This is something you need to do on your own. All of you."

"All of us?"

Doyle nodded towards the steel door. "Go and see."

Angel stared at him for a moment, contemplating, before turning and heading down the hallway. He felt like he was wading in water, as slowly as he seemed to be moving, but before he knew it he could feel the cold of the steel and was standing, hand poised to pull the knob. Turning back once more he looked to Doyle, who saluted him.

"Come see me more often," Angel told his friend.

Doyle nodded. "I'll try," was all he said.

Angel clutched the thick iron door handle and moved to pull on it when Doyle cried out, "Angel?!"

Angel turned.

"Are you happy? With the way things are now? With the way you are now?"

Angel stared at him curiously. "Why?"

Doyle watched him for a beat, then gave a sad shake of his head. "Think about it. Be sure," he said, and disappeared.

Angel turned back to the door and opened it…and found himself walking into the woods. Up ahead he could see a fire burning…and people. People were standing around it, talking. His people. Cordelia, Gunn, Wesley, Fred…and Buffy, Xander, Giles…and all the rest.

And there was a demon of some sort, clearly dangerous by the spikes protruding from his face, right in the center of their group, just to the left of the fire. Willow was crying. Cordelia looked shocked, and Gunn was pacing nervously.

He approached cautiously, unsure what was going on, when suddenly everyone turned to him. Their eyes bore into his and Angel was suddenly afraid, a cold chill running up his spine.

"We all make choices," the group said in unison.

Angel's eyes opened.

***

"So…you're here why?" Xander asked again as he and the Scoobies sat around the Magic Box later the next day. The room was more crowded than usual with the presence of Angel and the Los Angeles gang.

"I told you, I had a dream," Angel repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Yeah, I get that Rev. King," Xander shot back, "but what I don't understand is…what part of that dream told you all to pack up and move to Beverly?"

"You really work at getting in all those pop culture references, don't you?" Anya asked him.

Xander grinned at her. "Yeah, it takes practice."

"What I don't understand," Cordelia chimed in, "is why _Angel_ is the one who gets the dream! Hel-lo! Vision Girl, right here! And Doyle, of all people! He gave me the stupid visions, shouldn't he have visited _me?_" she grumbled, settling back in her chair.

Buffy rolled her eyes and turned back to Angel. "We were all there, standing around a fire, talking to some demon? Just one demon?"

Angel nodded. "Doyle…he was there. He told me that I knew I had to open the door, and then later you _all_ told me that 'We all make choices.' Then I woke up…and I just _knew_ that it meant we were supposed to come to Sunnydale, to help you fight this thing."

Cordelia hugged her arms to her chest. "Next time he comes to haunt you, tell him I expect a visit, too, okay? Dennis could use the company, I'm sure."

Angel's eyes ticked to hers and he offered her a small smile.

Buffy exchanged a glance with Giles. "What did the demon look like?" he asked, clearing his throat.

Angel shook his head. "Tough, large. Spikes on his face and claws. Huge claws."

"Great…" Buffy said thoughtfully. "Ok…can you draw us a picture of this thing? We'll research, we'll hunt, we'll kill. Business as usual."

Angel watched her carefully and nodded.

Wesley, walking around the shop taking in the inventory, approached the table. "Mr. Giles, you should be proud of your stock…your shop is certainly well supplied for research."

Giles smiled and went to answer when Anya popped out of her seat. "Thank you!" she said proudly. "We offer the best selection of hard-to-find demon and occult research in the tri-state area!" she recited.

The Watcher's exchanged an amused glance and retrieved a few texts to begin the day's studies.

Gunn, seated at the table, propped his long legs up on a chair and looked around. "So, this is where you all hang? Handy, having all this stuff right at your fingertips."

"Yep," Xander replied. "This is research central. Used to be the library at school, but we stopped going there on account of it getting all blowed up by our dearest Buffy."

Buffy's head snapped up from the drawing Angel was working on. "Hey! Sure, blame the Slayer. Try on account of big, huge, ascending snake-Mayor."

Gunn and Xander grinned at each other.

Cordelia rolled her eyes as she sifted through a jar of semi-precious stones. "Great…now there are two of them," she said, casting an eye to the two boys.

Research began.

***

And research ended at pretty much the same place they started, no where. Unable to find anything related to the demon Angel described it was decided that hunting was the next best option.

The group mounted up, weapons all around, and headed out into the streets of Sunnydale.

"I guess we need to stick to wooded areas," Angel suggested. "That's where I came up on you guys…in the woods, around a campfire."

"Can I bring marshmallows?" Fred asked.

The group looked at her oddly and returned to the hunt. Willow gave her a sympathetic smile. "I tried that once too, and got about the same look."

Fred grinned back. "People need to lighten up," she agreed.

The group split up, Angel leading one, Buffy leading the other. "We'll meet at the Bridgeton tomb in a hour if we don't find anything," Buffy directed, and they set off.

About a half-hour into things, Angel's group hit paydirt. The demon was ahead of them, alone. "There he is," Angel murmured to Willow.

She nodded and closed her eyes.

__

Buffy, she called with her mind. _Got him, Eternal Rest Cemetery, by the Ferguson Crypt._

__

We're on our way, Will, the Slayer responded.

"They're coming," Willow told the group when she opened her eyes. 

Gunn stared at her. "You can talk to people inside their heads?"

Willow grinned sheepishly and nodded.

He turned to Cordelia, crouched behind a tree. "That beats your visions by a long shot," he informed her. Cordelia responded by smacking him upside the head.

Angel turned to them. "Ready?" he asked.

The group took a collective breath and nodded.

***

"It's this way!" Tara cried, running through the Eternal Rest Cemetery as fast as she could, directing Xander, Anya, Spike, Wesley and Buffy to follow her. The Slayer caught up with her easily and passed the blonde witch, heading out as fast. Within minutes she saw the flickering light from the fire and turned in that direction. Running in she found Angel and his group ducked down behind a grove of trees.

"What's going on?" she asked as the others caught up to her. Buffy peered over a bush and watched the demon. He was sitting, calmly eating something indistinguishable. There was a cage to the demon's left.

"He hasn't moved since we spotted him," Angel told her.

"Let's find out what he's doing here, messing with your dreams," she told him. Through hand-signals she told the rest of the group to fan out, surrounding the demon.

Suddenly the demon stood and stretched and the entire group tensed. He leaned over to the cage and opened the door, reaching in a pulling something out. A cat.

Willow gasped, safely hidden behind a giant rock. "He's going to eat that kitty!" she whispered. Tara patted her hand.

"Now!" Buffy shouted and jumped to her feet, running up and jumping over the fire. She kicked out when she landed, knocking the demon onto his back.

"Owww!" he cried, clutching his chest. "What'd you do that for?"

Buffy glowered down at him, placing her foot on his chest to keep him in place.

The demon easily removed her foot and knocked her to the side, jumping to his feet. He began to run around frantically.

"Harry! Harry, come back!! Haaaarrry!" he shouted before Angel rushed in and tackled him, sending them both to the ground, rolling.

"Got him!" Gunn shouted, battle-ax in hand.

Soon the demon was surrounded and Angel hauled him to his feet.

"Harry!" the demon shouted. "Where's my cat?!" he cried.

The entire grouped exchanged a look.

"Your cat? You mean your meal, you demon-you," Xander said, poking him with a stake.

The demon looked at Xander like he was crazy. "My meal? I'd never eat Harry, he's my pet!"

"Pet?" Fred asked, stepping forward.

"Yeah, pet, you know…my companion? My friend? Sleeps on my feet at night?"

"The cat is your pet," Buffy repeated stupidly.

The demon sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. And now thanks to you guys, he's out in the woods somewhere, lost. He's domesticated. I don't let him out much, especially when I travel."

"You're traveling," Angel repeated, loosening his grip just a bit.

"Yes…I'm on my way to San Francisco to visit my cousin."

"So you can slaughter the whole town? I don't think so!" Xander cried.

"Xander, hush," Anya admonished, stepping forward. "Let him go," she told Angel. "This is a Per'tar demon. He's harmless. He grants wishes…sorta," she informed the group.

"Wishes?" Tara asked.

Anya nodded. "Yeah, sorta. If someone's drawing had been better I could have saved us all this trouble."

Angel looked doubtful but released the demon. Weapons were held at the ready, just in case. The demon shrugged out of the hold and began to dust himself off.

"Jeez! At least one of you has a brain around here. What's with the bravado, storming in on my camping trip?" he asked.

"Camping trip? You're here to camp out?" Willow asked.

The demon held up a bag of marshmallows in answer. Fred grinned.

"My name's Jackter, and yes, I'm a Per'tar demon. I live outside of Boulder, and I'm on my way to see my cousin," he told them contemptuously. "But now it seems I'm going to spend a large part of my night searching for Harry."

"Your cat," Cordelia said.

"My cat."

"What's this with the wishes?" Gunn asked, interested. "And why are you messing with Angel's dreams?" he asked, pointing to the vampire.

Jackter sighed. "I don't know anything about any angel's dreams. You know, if you hadn't said that I wouldn't have to go through with all this," he informed Anya, who shrugged, unconcerned. "Per'tar demons have the gift of Stylushteg. When we're caught unawares, captured, or ambushed, as it would be," he said, giving pointed looks to everyone, "we're required to grant each of the party of _raiders_ a glimpse at what might have been."

The woods were silent for a moment. Then, "Come again?" Spike asked.

"He means that since we all came upon him, and Per'tar demons aren't supposed to ever actually be seen, like leprechauns," Anya chimed in, "he's got to let all of us see something about our lives…what might have been. You know…like what if we'd done something else in our lives, taken a different road, made a different choice. It's part of his curse…and why the Per'tar aren't sociable."

"Sorta like that _Sliding Doors_ movie," Cordelia interjected.

"Sorta like a pain in the ass," Jackter sighed and sat down on the tree stump he'd been occupying before the raid. "So…who's first?"

"Wait…I…go through this again," Gunn asked. "So, if I asked you, "What if I'd had McDonald's rather than Burger King this morning, you'd show me how my life would be different?"

Jackter nodded. "Let's just hope you come up with something a little more entertaining." He looked around again, grudgingly. "So, who's first?"


	2. Spike

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Title: _The Road Not Taken_

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*~*

* * *

They stood surrounding the campfire, unable to believe what the demon was asking them. No one spoke. 

Finally Jackter sighed heavily. "Come on…I can't leave you until you tell me what you want to know…unless you don't want to know…" he added, hopefully. 

"Could you go over it again?" Wesley requested. 

Jackter's eyes moved to his. "Are you all dense? Haven't you ever wondered, 'hey, if I hadn't met so and so…where would I be right now?' It's like that. You ask, I show you…then you decide which life you like best." 

"So since we found you, we get this wish-thing? What's the catch?" Xander asked. 

Gunn turned to him. "Big catch. What if your other life's great and you decide you want that one? Or, worse, what if it's _not_ great? What if you're dead, or if you're blind, or…a garbage man or something?" 

"Could make you really appreciate the life you've got now," Angel said quietly, "Or make you hate it." 

"You have the option of not seeing," Jackter told them again. "Honestly, I'd prefer that. Anything to get you people to leave me alone so I can find Harry." 

Spike had been quiet since Jackter had announced his gift. It intrigued him. What would his life had been like if he'd never come to Sunnydale? Or if he hadn't helped Buffy defeat Angelus so many years ago? What if he and Drusilla were still traveling the world…or if he hadn't been turned at all? 

But honestly, given the past few years…he didn't care about any of that. Being a vampire was what he knew. His former life, his mortal life, had been one of misery. William the Bloody Awful Poet, living in the age that he had, would have died of typhoid or scarlet fever, or worse, would have lived to a ripe old age as the pathetic wimp he'd been. 

Spike adjusted the collar on his jacket and stepped up to Jackter. "I've got one for you. I want to know, to see. What would have happened if I'd never gotten this chip in my brain?" 

__

"That's what you want to know?!" Xander cried. 

Spike turned to him. "Well, what do you expect?" he cried defensively. "That I'd ask what my life had been like if I've never met you, Harris?" He snorted. "Or that I'd ask what my life would have been like if I'd never met Dru? Never got bit? I can tell you what that would have been like, mate. Misery. Being a vampire's all I've ever been good at. It's who I am, who I've been for the past hundred years. But now that I've got this chip, I'm not even really that. It's the world's worst identity crisis. So yeah, that's what I want to know." 

Jackter sighed. "Very well." He approached the fire and began to speak. 

__

Cinder and ash, flame and fire 

'Tis the other's life to see we desire 

Two roads before us, but one to take 

Show the other, the choice not made. 

*FLASH!* 

*Author's Note: Once the flashback begins, the parts in regular font are of the present. The parts in BOLD are the alternate life.

__

*Two years earlier, Sunnydale University Campus.* 

Buffy was fighting a vampire as Spike watched from the hill above. "Thanks for the relocate," she taunted her opponent. "I perform better without an audience. You were thinking, what, a little helpless coed before bed? You know very well, you eat this late..." With one quick motion she staked him cleanly through the heart. "You're gonna get heartburn. Get it? Heartburn?" She dusts and gets no reaction from the vamp as she does so. "That's it? That's all I get? One lame-ass vamp with no appreciation for my painstakingly thought-out puns. I don't think the forces of darkness are even trying. I mean, you could make a little effort here, you know? Give me something to work with." 

Spike stood on the hillside, watching her. "Watch your mouth, little girl. You should know better than to tempt the fates that way. 'Cause the big bad is back, And this time, it's…" Suddenly he heard the sound of a twig snapping from behind him. Instinct told him not to look back and he threw himself headfirst down the hill, tumbling limb over limb until he collapsed at the bottom. Throwing his weight into it he jumped to his feet and took off running, looking back only when he was sure he wasn't being chased. 

"Ruined a perfectly good monologue…Slayer's got that right…bloody town never lets you get your jollies." 

He dusted himself off and took out his pack of smokes, lighting one up and going on his merry way. 

It was later that he learned what was following him in the woods that night. The underworld talked, especially when it concerned the Slayer, but most especially when it came to other, _new_ things that were stalking the evil and the undead. The Commandos, the Army boys…anyone in fatigues was to be feared. Dozens of vamps and demons were getting taken night after night, to where, no one knew. It was rumored they were being taken to a secret lab, having experiments done. Spike vowed not to be one of them. 

And then there was the monster, Adam. Spike had heard enough, the bloke thought he bloody owned the town and planned to make it known soon enough. Recruiting his armies, he was. Spike was having none of it. "He can have this town," he spat one night, returning to his crypt after having a gleeful time annoying the Slayer and her pals. Not as much fun without Angel to torment, but seeing as how his visit to Los Angeles had ended badly, like everything in his life as of late, Spike wasn't losing any sleep over it. 

He'd said it before, this town was cursed for him. And it was time he got on with his life, saw the sights, took the tours. Tormenting Buffy and the Superfriends was fun enough, but Sunnydale had nothing to offer him, sorry excuse for a Hellmouth that it was. He needed a change in scenery. 

__

No time like the present. Hopping a train he made his way across the state. Vegas. He'd always wanted to see Vegas and had never made it there. Now was as good a time as any. There were bound to be plenty of people to eat there…and lots of ruckus to stir up. He grinned delightfully at the thought of it. 

Vegas proved to be everything he'd wanted. He gambled, he drank, and he _drank_ on a nightly basis, enjoying all that the city offered. Also, he liked the act with the tigers. Someday, he just knew it, one of those giant beasts was going to get tired of taking orders from those pansies in the white jumpsuits and there would be a grand old massacre. He hadn't remembered having so much fun when he'd been traveling the world with Angelus, Darla and Drusilla. 

Drusilla…Dru would adore Las Vegas. All the lights…the confusion…the people. Perhaps it was time to look her up. 

It took some doing, first locating her, then convincing her to even speak with him again, which included a bit of groveling on his part, not to mention some torture (which Drusilla adored), but a few weeks later she was at his side. Spike and Dru, together again. 

"Darling!" she exclaimed as he drove her down the strip in his De Soto. "It's simply marvelous!" 

He grinned at her. "Yeah…it is, isn't it?" 

Dru scooted closer to him on the leather seat and lay her head on his shoulder. "The lights, the energy! It's like a carnival…a big, shiny carnival, with rides and prizes…and lots of goodies to eat. We're going to have fun, aren't we Spike?" she purred, running a finger up his arm. 

"Don't we always?" 

"It won't be like last time, dearie." 

"What's that, luv?" 

"No distractions this time…not like before," she said, patting his chest. 

Spike tensed. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Caw…you surely do. I know I remember well…she broke up our family…took my dear Angel away from me again. And she made you her puppy." 

"Hey!" he cried, gripping her hand tightly. "I'm no one's bleedin' dog, least of all the Slayer's." 

Drusilla looked at him with wide eyes. "You didn't mind playing the pouch for me…remember…Spike?" she asked him coyly. 

Spike grinned sinisterly as he pulled the car over into a parking space. "I remember, luv. But a lesson now and then never did any harm, did it?" 

*** 

****

Spike grinned as he watched the scene play out in front of him. "Feeding again, causing mayhem…back with Dru…_this_ is what I'm missing with this forsaken chip in my head!" he cried, thumping his skull. 

Jackter watched him. "Wait until it plays out," he said sagely. 

Spike snorted. "And best of all, no Harmony, no Sunnydale…and none of the lot of you," he told the group, but without much feeling. 

*** 

It was like old times as Spike and Drusilla made Las Vegas theirs. As they did in each town they'd ever visited for an extended period, a gang was soon formed, and plans were quickly made. They robbed, destroyed, devastated, and killed. 

But it wasn't enough. 

It was tedious. 

It was easy. 

It was downright _boring_. 

"I need the fight, Dru!" Spike shouted at her. 

"We do fight, my sweet. The pretty people, they struggle and we take them, we make them our slaves…our supper." 

"You know what I mean…it's too easy here…half the folks are stupid drunk and the others are just careless! We've got the money, we've got the riches…we need more," he told her. 

Drusilla regarded him with her vacant eyes. Walking to a lighted candle on the table she stared into the flame. "The fire, it dances for me. It says the Slayer is calling to you." 

Spike's eyes snapped up at the mention of the Slayer. "What are you prattling on about?" 

Dru began to walk lazily around the room. "You'll go…back to that place…back where it meant death for us…" 

"Back to Sunnyhell? Whatever for?" 

"There's something there for you…unfinished business. Men, lots of handsome strangers…hunting us…and the Slayer…she helps them…" 

The Commandos. 

"What's there for me, luv? What do you see?" 

"Together…we'll go together. And we'll finish your business, my sweet Spike. Then you can be free of that place…and of her," Drusilla told him, taking his arms in hers and dancing him around the room in slow, loopy turns. 

"If we go back to Sunnydale…we'll be free of the Slayer?" he asked her excitedly. 

Drusilla opened her eyes and smiled at him. "I'll take the wand and bibbity-bobbity-boo!" she cried, tapping her finger on his nose. 

Spike had, as usual, no idea what Drusilla was talking about. But the thought of killing the Slayer…it got his blood up. It was exciting…and deep down, he knew it was he was always meant to do. Another notch on his belt. 

Smashing his lips to hers he dragged Dru to the bed and tossed her down, kissing her passionately. 

*** 

As he'd done twice before, Spike drove the De Soto past the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign and cringed. Even with Drusilla's portent, this place made his skin crawl. But this time…this time he intended for things to be different. 

It had been months, seven months to be exact, since he'd driven like a bat from hell straight out of that town. When he left this time, he planned to do it leisurely…to enjoy it. 

Vampires were occupying his old crypt, he discovered, but he made quick work of them. Work for him or die now. A few newbies, ignorant and disrespectful to their elders were dusted quickly, Spike with a smile on his face, thrilled to be back in the fight. 

The last to go was a pretty blonde thing who yammered on and on about being able to help him, because she _knew_ the Slayer, had gone to high school with her and they were like _this_, fingers crossed, then begging him not to ruin her designer sweater. Spike had taken great pleasure in staking her. 

*** 

****

"I actually _did_ it!" Spike crowed. "Harmony…dusted by good old Spike! It's about bleedin' time!" 

*** 

Word spread quickly that Spike and Drusilla were back in town. What members of his gang were left regrouped, bringing stragglers with them that were able to allude the Commandos, or the Initiative, as Spike learned they were actually called. 'Ponces' seemed a better term to him. 

"Lads, and lasses," he called out one night as they drank on wine and listened to song. It's come to my attention that we have a bit of a problem here in Sunnydale. Besides the Slayer…we've got some Army Brats to deal with, and that mix-and-match ogre Adam that seems to think he owns the whole bloody place. Well, let me tell you, friends. I was here first. I was tormenting the hell out of the Slayer before he even had all his body parts. But we've also got something, or will soon, that they don't have…that they've likely never even heard of…" 

"What?" one of his minions called. 

Spike grinned. "Across town, in the home of a highly celebrated occult historian, has just been delivered the Wand of Celester," he said importantly, glancing around the room. 

Silence. 

"What's that?" someone called. 

Spike rolled his eyes, his shoulders drooping. "Are _any_ of you here over the age of five?! The Wand of Celester! The tool that yields the power to drain the _umph_ right out of anyone…including Slayers…and G.I. Joe soldiers." 

"It can kill the Slayer?" 

Spike glared at the vampires in front of him. Walking to the one who'd spoken he took him by the arms and lifted him up. "What it can do, you ninny, is make her vulnerable…and therefore, killable. One touch of the wand, say the magic word…and _zap_…bye bye super-Betty, hello delicious Power Bar with a ponytail." 

"And then…I'll be queen," Drusilla purred, skipping around the room. 

Spike smiled at her, releasing his captive. "The prettiest damn queen I've ever seen," he told her, kissing her roughly. 

"And we'll have a party…with music and candles and song and drinks…and dancing…I do love to dance, don't you know…back and forth, and spinning and spinning and spinning…" Drusilla began to dance around the room, twirling around and around as Spike sat back and enjoyed the thought of killing the Slayer. 

*** 

That night Spike ordered the raid on the historian's home. 

"How are we going to get in?" one minion asked. 

Spike smiled at him simply. "Watch and learn." Walking to the backyard he jumped the fence and returned with a small dog. He strode to the front door and knocked. After a moment a very sleepy man answered the door. 

"Yes?" he asked, confused. 

Spike grinned and held up the dog. "I think this might belong to you." 

The historian's eyes flew open. "Ginger! How--how did you get out? I swear…I'm always leaving that gate 

open…oh, thank you so much, sir." 

"No problem at all…I'm just glad I was walking by and saw her running about. Cute little thing, in't she?" he asked, ruffling the dogs' ears. 

The historian grinned. "She's my baby. Well, I must reward you…please…uh, excuse me, I was sleeping…but, come in, come in! I'm sure I can find something for you." 

"Oh no, sir. I don't need anything, I'm just glad she's back safe and sound." 

The historian turned. "Nonsense. Come on….I've got a few dollars around here." 

Spike grinned as the historian turned his back and walked into the house. Spike followed. Morphing into game face he waited until the historian turned back, then he pounced. Within moments it was over. 

With the death came the universal invitation. The vampire gang flooded the house, ripping it apart to find the Wand. 

Drusilla walked into the home and looked around, her gaze falling on a painting on the wall. Stepping to it she removed the painting from the wall and revealed a safe door. 

"Boys," she called, clapping her hands. 

Spike had come prepared. A few squirts of acid around the perimeter of the safe and the door fell to his feet. Reaching in, he removed the Wand. 

"Can we try it out?" Drusilla asked, bouncing on her heels. "Can we?" 

Spike grinned. Touching it to the vampire closest to him he murmured, "Behold," and a light flashed. The vampire looked stunned for a moment, then fell to the floor, weak. 

"Now see…normally shooting a vampire won't do much but maybe cancel an evening's plans," he told the group, producing a gun from his waistband. "But with the Wand…" he aimed and shot. 

The vampire slumped over, dead. 

Drusilla and Spike grinned at each other wickedly. "Let's go look up an old friend, shall we?" 

*** 

****

"Anyone here _not_ surprised that the first thing Spike wants to do is try to kill us all?" Xander asked. 

"Shut up, lackey," Spike shot back, and went back to staring into the fire. 

*** 

He found her where she always was…fighting in the cemetery, with a guy he didn't know, but took to be one of the militia types, given the fatigues he wore. Xander and Willow were with them, the witch fervently trying to cast a spell. 

"Slayer!" he shouted, interrupting the fight with the Klogdah demon she'd been battling. 

Buffy faltered for a moment and looked up, her eyes widening at the sight of him. "Not now, Spike," she cried, ducking a punch as the army kid jumped on its back. 

"Buffy!" Xander called, and tossed her a long sword, which she promptly used to take out the demon's legs. It fell to the ground, shrieking in pain, and she quickly finished it off. 

That done, Buffy walked warily over to Spike, who stood alone against the backdrop of the woods. "I thought I 

made it clear that you were never to come back to my town," she said to him, her voice low and dangerous. 

"Who's that?" Riley asked Xander. 

"Spike…vampire. Someone Buffy's going to be killing in about thirty seconds, so no time for introductions," he replied, taking a stake from his waistband. 

Spike smirked at her. "Yeah, I seem to recall you telling me that a few times. Thing is, I got this short attention span. 

That, and I seem to get fixated on certain things more than I should. Like killing you." 

"Ooh, scary. Whatcha gonna do, Spike? You, all alone, and me, with three back-ups," Buffy taunted. 

Spike glanced back at the boy, Xander and Willow. "Yeah. Witness me _not_ quivering in my boots. And what makes you think I'm alone?" he asked her, as his gang slowly appeared in the brush, surrounding them. "Oh…and I brought someone special with me…someone I'm sure you'll remember well." 

Drusilla approached them from behind. 

Buffy swallowed hard as she took in the site of the vampire gang and Dru. "Remember, yes. Fondly, no." 

"Oh," Spike said, as an afterthought, "and I've got a new magic trick up my sleeve." With that he produced the Wand. 

Buffy wasted no time and flipped herself backwards, landing squarely in front of Riley and the others. "We could use a little Commando help," she told him, and Riley promptly got on his radio, calling in their coordinates. Help was on the way, but for now, the fight was on. Spike ran at Buffy with the Wand while the vampires emerged and pounced. Several were taken out initially by Willow, Xander and Riley, who fought them off as best they could but there were too many of them. Riley went down first, the Wand draining his powers, then Spike draining his blood. 

"Riley!" Buffy shrieked, staking a vampire and rushing to his side. She knelt, cradling his head in her lap, amid all the chaos around her, but it was too late. He was gone. 

A squad of Initiative soldiers suddenly burst onto the scene, decked out in full camouflage and toting serious weaponry. Within minutes they had helped to severely cut down the vampire's numbers, when suddenly a flood of demons joined the mix. And standing proudly, overseeing it all, was Adam. 

Willow was grabbed from behind by a Meltzar demon. Xander rushed in to save her, knocking the demon to the ground, only to have Willow roll right into the waiting arms of Drusilla. "Nighty-night, dearie," she told the witch before sinking her teeth into Willow's waiting neck. 

*** 

****

"Oh my God," Buffy whispered, watching the scene unfolding in front of her with horror. "Riley, Willow." 

"It's madness," Cordelia gasped. 

"YES!" Spike cried, jumping up and down. "Take _that_ Captain Cardboard! Why would I _not_ pick this world! 

Sign me up!" He caught Willow's horrified expression. "But, terribly sorry 'bout you, Red." 

*** 

Willow and Riley were dead and Xander was still fighting as best he could, aided largely in part by the Commandos who were now storming the woods. But for every soldier that joined the fight, another vampire appeared. 

Buffy and Xander were left alone with Spike, Drusilla, and several vampires. They had managed to work their ways to the outskirts of the larger battle taking place to the left, directed by Adam. 

Shaken, Buffy tried to mentally regroup. And then Slayer-anger took over. Delivering a roundhouse kick she knocked one vamp to the ground, staking him, then another as he rushed to her. Drusilla let out a shriek and ran in to attack, only to meet the sharp end of a stake in Xander's hand. He'd come out of nowhere. Her dust floated around Buffy as she sprang to her feet, and Spike let out a guttural yell. 

"Drrruuuu!!!" he roared, and rushed Buffy, knocking her to the ground. The Wand was held tightly in his right hand as he growled at her. "You're going to die, Slayer…but not quickly. In fact, it will never be slow enough. Be--" 

Buffy didn't answer him. Instead she managed to pull a knee up, wedging it in between her body and Spike's, and kicked out. Spike was lifted off her long enough for him to lose his grip on the Wand and send it rolling…and for 

Buffy to wedge a stake up into his heart. Nonplussed Buffy jumped to her feet. 

"Xander, run!" she ordered, but of course, Xander refused to leave her. Grabbing the closest discarded weapon he remained at her side. The Commandos were holding their own against Adam's army and Buffy ran in to help. In the middle of fighting a Pu-tan demon she was stabbed by an unseen foe from behind. 

"You lose, Slayer," Adam told her. Buffy looked down to see one of Adam's sharp talons in her gut. With a twist, he 

ended her life. 

*** 

****

"NOOOOOO!" Spike cried, falling to his knees in front of the fire as the scene faded from the flames. 

Everyone was silent, everyone was pale. Dawn was crying. Buffy crumpled to the ground, stunned at the changes that she'd seen. Finally, Jackter spoke. "What do you choose?" 

Spike didn't answer him, his eyes focused on the flames, a lost expression covering his face. 

"What do you choose?" Jackter repeated. 

Spike's eyes ticked to his. "What do you think?" he asked him bitterly. "I'm staying put." 

Jackter nodded. Turning to the rest of the group he looked at them solemnly. "Who is next?" 

To Be Continued...


	3. Cordelia

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG
    
    Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*~*~*

__

Cordelia

*~*~*~*~*

The group stood, stunned, after witnessing the horror that was Spike's alternate life. 

Jackter turned to them wearily. "Who is next?" 

"Next?!" Xander cried, half-hysterical. "Why in the hell would anyone want to do this after seeing _that?!"_

"That was…insane," Buffy murmured, putting a comforting arm around Dawn. Angel glanced at her worriedly, but she gave him a small smile. 

Spike had the good graces to look sheepish. "Look, it didn't happen. This is the life I'm in. This is the life I chose." 

Gunn snorted. "Yeah, but only because in the other one you and Drusilla kicked the bucket." 

Spike glared at him. "That's not true!" 

"Oh yeah, you did it because you realized that what you've got here is so much more special," Xander mocked, clutching a hand to his heart. 

"You don't know anything about me, Harris, or you, Shaft," Spike bit out. 

Gunn's eyebrows flew up. "Oh no you didn't. _Shaft?_ You got a problem with me, boy?" 

Spike's chin came up. "I'm getting one." 

"Why don't we do something about that?" Gunn asked, shifting his stance. 

"You don't have the ba--" 

"I'd like to see," Cordelia interrupted them, stepping forward to face Jackter. "I want to know." 

Jackter looked into her eyes. "What do you wish to see?" 

The group was silent, watching her. She looked at each of them, then back into the demon's eyes. 

"Wait!" Anya broke in suddenly. "Just…don't ask anything about life without a Slayer. Trust me on this one. You won't like how that one turns out for you." She looked at Xander. "Or for you." Making eye contact with Buffy, then Willow, and finally Angel, she sighed. "Or any of you either." 

Cordelia looked at her strangely but turned back to Jackter without saying a word. 

"I'd like to see what my life would have been like if I hadn't gone to LA to become an actress. If I hadn't joined up with Angel, and Gunn, and Wesley and Fred." The brunette swallowed bravely. "I want to know what my life would be like now if my parents hadn't lost their money." 

"That's your wish?" Gunn asked, raising an eyebrow at her. "Don't you wanna know what would have happened if you hadn't gotten the visions?" 

Cordelia smiled at him gently. "Oh, please. Do you know how many chances I've had to get rid of the visions? I've chosen them every time. I'd like to see something different for a change." 

"All right, all right," Jackter said, scowling. He turned to the fire. 

__

Cinder and ash, flame and fire 

'Tis the other's life to see we desire 

Two roads before us, but one to take 

Show the other, the choice not made. 

The group crowded around the fire to see Cordelia, smiling, lounging beside a pool. 

"I'm liking this already," Cordelia muttered happily. 

*~*~* 

__

FLASH 

*~*~* 

__

The summer after high school graduation. 

Things were good. She'd graduated from high school. Check that--she'd _survived_ high school…and the Mayor, and the period of loser that was known as Xander Harris…and she was college-bound. Brown University, get ready for Cordelia Chase. 

"Daddy?" she called through the open patio door, to the tall man standing at the kitchen counter. Mr. Chase came out, taking a sip of his brandy, smiling at his only daughter. 

"Yes, dear?" he asked her, looking around is grounds happily. 

"Did you get everything settled with the IRS?" 

"Of course, dear," Mr. Chase said, laughing heartily. "Were you afraid I wouldn't be able to, and we'd lose our house or something?" 

"Of course not!" Cordelia said. "We're Chases." 

"Of course," smiled Mr. Chase. 

*~*~* 

****

"That's what your dad's like?" Willow said, hiding a smile. 

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" Cordy replied haughtily. 

"No. No problem. He just seems a little…country club cliché." 

"He _is_," Cordy said with a grin. "Where do you think I got it?" 

"Of course," Willow said, giggling. 

*~*~* 

Life was good. She loved Brown and was actually doing pretty well in her Fashion Merchandising courses. As an experienced junior she ruled the campus, and headed up two of the most prestigious organizations, as well as being the Activities Coordinator for her sorority. And best of all, she wasn't putting her life on the line every night fighting demons and then fighting stains on her clothing the next day. Sunnydale was far behind her. 

And…she was finally going on a date with a great guy, not one of the sub-standard losers that seemed to flock in her direction. He was rich and handsome, and he and his parents lived in LA. He attended Brown with her, as a Finance major, and his parents were members of all the right circles. And tonight…tonight was going to be the night. She just knew it. Tonight she was going to go out with The One. The man she would marry…she felt it in her bones. 

As she was picking the perfect outfit from her immense selection the phone rang. "Cordelia Chase," she replied, picking the receiver up and placing it against her ear. 

"Cordelia? Hey, it's Aura. What are you doing tonight?" 

Ah, Aura. The only friend from high school she still talked to—but probably only because Aura was also a Brown student. "I have a date with Marc Roberts, remember?" Cordy said snottily. 

"Oh, right! I forgot! Sorry. Listen, I was wondering if I'd be able to borrow your blue dress with the bow on the back? For tomorrow night?" 

"My blue dress? My _new_ blue dress?" Cordelia asked, doubt in her voice. "Sorry, Aura, but until I've worn it once or twice, no one can be seen in it. I have a really cute pink one from a couple of months ago…you could probably squeeze into that." 

"Oh. Well, okay then. Thanks, Cordy. Can I pick it up tomorrow?" 

"Sure." Cordelia hung the phone up and rolled her eyes, then went to the closet and pulled out her new blue dress. 

She took off the red one she'd picked out and slipped into the blue one, smiling. "Perfect." 

The doorbell rang as she was applying her lipstick. "Sarah?" she called to the housekeeper Daddy has insisted she have (and that Cordy hadn't objected to). "Get the door for me, will you?" 

"Yes, Miss Chase," Sarah called. Cordy hummed to herself as she slipped her shoes on, grabbed her handbag, and headed down the stairs. 

"You look stunning, Cordy," Marc said, kissing her on the cheek when she arrived downstairs. 

Cordy gave him her best smile. "I know, thanks. Ready to go?" 

"Sure," Marc smiled, and the two headed out. 

It might have been their first date, but it certainly wasn't their last. Cordelia and Marc dated for a year before he finally took her on a beautiful cruise. Under the stars, he got down on one knee, and looked up into her dark eyes. 

"Cordelia, over the past year, I've grown to fall so much in love with you that I don't think I can stop. You're the perfect woman for me. You know how to behave at my business dinners, you're beautiful, you make me happy. We look good together. You'll make a perfect partner for me when I'm a stock-broker. Will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?" Cordelia, of course, agreed, and the two were married in an extravagant ceremony in June. 

All of Los Angeles society was there, and the wedding went off without a hitch. 

*~*~* 

****

"You just up and married him? The first guy you see?" Angel asked carefully, looking over at Cordy. She glared at him. 

"He's rich, and handsome, and perfect for me! I like this! No demon-killing, no migraines, no chipped nails…it's perfect! And he wasn't the first guy I saw…did you see that whole period where that lackbrain in my Fabrics class was drooling all over me?" 

"Well, it's just that, what do we really know about this guy? A stockbroker in LA? He could deal with Wolfram and Hart! Maybe he's a demon who wanted to eat your ex-boyfriends' brains! Or impregnate you with his demon spawn." Angel's voice trailed off as he realized how protective he was being. 

"You're a strange man," Cordy said, lifting a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him. "A very strange man." 

*~*~* 

Cordy walked into her large house, her arms full of shopping bags. She looked at her watch, and saw that Marc wouldn't be home for another five hours, at least. The one drawback to having a rich husband was that he was a workaholic, and worked long hours every day. But she got to spend his money. Marc had insisted that she not work but instead concentrate on fixing up their house so it was suitable to be photographed, so she was okay with it. But sometimes there was only so much shopping you could do…Cordelia shook her head, trying to get that thought out of her brain. _Shame on you!_ she scolded herself. 

The phone rang, and she picked it up. "Cordelia Roberts," she said primly. 

"Mrs. Roberts? This is DSL delivery. We have a rather large package here for you, and we just wanted to call to make sure you were at home before we dropped it off. Is now a good time?" 

"Sure," she replied happily. This had to be her new hot tub. It was early, which she didn't mind at all. She could go for a nice long soak tonight. 

She hung up the phone and moved over to the answering machine. No messages. That was fine, she didn't usually get messages while she was out. She was so rich that people thought she didn't have time to talk. So she just called them. 

She picked the phone up again, and dialed a number. 

"Hey, Aura?" she said into the phone when the other woman answered. 

"Cordy, hi. Listen, I can't talk. Jenny just spit up all over my shirt, and I'm trying to make dinner for Frank. Can I call you tomorrow?" 

"Oh, sure. Bye," Cordy said into the phone, but Aura had already hung up. That was fine, she'd call someone else. 

But everyone was out, or busy, or she had nothing to say to them. 

In a last ditch effort, she picked up the phone and dialed. 

"Hi, may I please speak with Harmony?" she asked when the call was answered. 

Even that was a bust. Apparently Harmony had disappeared right after high school graduation. Huh. Weird. 

But the arrival of the hot tub, and the cute delivery man, distracted her from her phone calls. Setup would take a bit, so she went over to the TV. She sat with a bowl of unbuttered popcorn and watched a movie by herself until it was finished, then changed into her bikini and settled herself in the hot tub with a glass of white wine, luxuriating in the bubbling water. 

After an hour in the hot tub, she got out and padded up the stairs to her bedroom. She glanced at the clock, and noticed that it was almost ten at night. Marc should be home within the hour, and then maybe they could have a romantic hour before he had to sleep to be up early for work in the morning. She slid into a sexy little silver slip dress and dabbed perfume behind her ears and into her cleavage, then settled in to wait. 

Marc came home at 11:15, and Cordy sidled up to him. 

"Hey, honey," she purred, kissing his cheek. He kissed her back quickly before loosening his tie and putting his briefcase down. 

"Hi, Cordy. Did you have a good day?" 

"I was bored, but now you're here. Want to entertain me?" 

"Hon, I'd love to, but I've got some paperwork. Why don't you go on up to sleep, and I'll just crawl in when I'm done. I don't want to keep you up." With that, he was gone into his office, and Cordy sagged. She went up to their bedroom, and slipped into some flannel pajamas. She crawled into the king-sized bed, leaving lots of room for Marc, because he liked to have room when he slept, curled up into a ball on her side, and drifted off to sleep. 

*~*~* 

****

"This is depressing," Cordelia muttered. "Hel-lo! I look totally _hot_ in that silver Victoria's Secret nightie! 

And…I don't have a job? Why aren't I working? Like hell I'd just sit around and wait on him all damn 

night, even if I was getting a hot tub installed." 

*~*~* 

And so her life continued. Marc went to work, she attended society meetings and played tennis. 

*~*~* 

****

"I don't even like tennis," she grumbled. 

*~*~* 

Marc came home one night to find Cordelia sitting in the living room, waiting for him. 

"You're still up?" he asked, surprised. He sifted through the mail and picked up the phone to check his messages. 

Once done he walked to her and kissed her on the forehead, then yawned and bid her good night. 

"I've got golf at 7:30 tomorrow morning," he grinned. "If I let Herb Kremlar win, I think I'm going to get a hot stock tip." 

Cordelia looked at him evenly. "Marc, I'm bored." 

He cocked his head at her. "Bored? Go to bed! It's late." 

She sighed. "No, I'm bored in general. I don't do anything. The house has been perfect for months, I hate my meetings and I suck at tennis. I want to use my degree." 

"Honey," he said to her simply. "You don't want to work in retail…as a shopgirl? You'll have to work weekends and holidays…there'll be snobby, screaming customers and girls with daddy's money who come in to order you around." 

Now she glared at him. "I know. I used to be one of those girls. And no, I don't want to be a shopgirl. I want to do something with my degree. Work for a designer, be a fashion consultant. Something I'm good at and that I enjoy. 

And that will get me out of this frickin' house!" she said, the volume of her voice rising. 

Marc raised an eyebrow. "You're just getting upset now. You know that's not good for you. Why don't you join another charity?" 

"And do what? Just write checks? I can do that from my house, Marc. I don't need to attend meetings for that. I want to work. I want to do something." 

He rolled his eyes and sat on the ottoman in front of her. "What do you want to do? You know I don't like the idea of you working. The wives that we run with don't work. Do you want to be singled out?" 

"Yes!" she cried. "I'm Cordelia! I'm supposed to be singled out, in the spotlight. I'm not just your wife!" 

"Cordelia," he warned gently. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but I don't think I like it." 

Her eyes bulged. "You don't like it?" 

"No," he sniffed. "I don't think I do. I'm going to bed. I suggest you do the same. I'm sure you'll find that in the morning you're thinking much more clearly." He turned on his heel and walked away. 

"Marc, what about children?" she called after him. 

Marc stopped but didn't turn around. After a pause he kept going. 

*~*~* 

****

"This isn't the Cordelia I remember," Dawn mused, slightly entertained at what she was watching in the dancing flames. 

Cordelia shook her head. "No…no it's not." 

*~*~* 

Her last meeting of the day had been cancelled. Thank _God._ Wearily Cordelia stepped out of her car and thanked George the driver as she staggered into the house, a good three hours earlier than she'd expected. _I'm going to lounge in that tub for a solid hour,_ she thought to herself as she dropped bags and briefcase on the kitchen counter. 

Walking up the plushly carpeted stairs she pushed open the door to her bedroom…to find it occupied. 

"Oh my God," she gasped. 

"Cordelia!" Marc cried, trying to untangle himself from the buxom redhead beneath him. 

Cordy turned and walked out of the room. 

The divorce was a long process, mainly because she had no real funds of her own. The trust her parents had set up for her had to be broken and in the end she was awarded very little money, mainly due to the prenuptial agreement she'd blindly signed before marrying Marc. 

Sitting in her tiny new apartment, Cordelia Chase, having taken back her maiden name, reevaluated her life. _Not the best ten years of my life,_ she admitted. _I've done nothing. I have no money, I have no husband, and no friends._ She glanced around at the bare walls and peeling wallpaper. _I live *here.* And…I think this place is haunted._

And now she needed groceries. Sighing, she picked up her bag and walked out onto the street, running right into a man going the opposite way. She lost her balance and went tumbling to the ground. Sputtering she brushed herself off and looked up. 

"Angel?" 

*~*~* 

****

"I think I've seen enough," Cordelia said. 

Jackter smiled at her. "And which life do you choose? Do you choose to live in this world, or in that one?" 

Cordelia glanced at Angel. "I would have met up with you eventually, huh?" 

"Often times, fate works to correct itself, no matter what you do," Jackter told her sagely. 

Cordy grinned. "I'll take the sooner, rather than the later. More near-death experiences, but by far easier than being that other girl. That Cordelia was _not_ me. I choose this life." 

"What?" Spike barked. "Are you daft? You could be rich, and married, and you wouldn't have to look at the Pouf's caveman brow every day!" 

"Did you see how bored I was? Like I want to be bored. I'd much rather fight demons and be interested in my life than be a puttery little housewife. Although, if I can keep the money…?" she looked imploringly at Jackter, who rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Right. Okay. I choose this life." 

"Very well," Jackter replied. He glanced around at the group, expectantly. 


	4. Wesley

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG
    
    
    Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*~*~*

WESLEY

*~*~*~*~*

The fire continued to burn brightly as Jackter added more and more firewood. He sat wearily on the ground, surveying the crowd of intruders.

"Well?" he asked them.

Wesley looked around, and seeing as how no one looked about to speak, stepped forward.

"May I go next?" he asked, somewhat timidly.

There were some murmurs of assent and some nods.

"What do you wish to know?" Jackter asked him.

Wesley cleared his throat. "I'd like to see my life had I not been adopted by the Wyndam-Prices."

Now there were gasps amongst his friends. 

"You were adopted?" Cordelia asked incredulously. "I didn't know that!"

Wesley nodded. "Yes, I was. My biological parents were killed in a boating accident, they drowned when I was two. Christopher and Jeannetta Wyndam-Price adopted me when I was seven years old. Christopher was a member of the Watchers Council…and as they were unable to have children of their own, they had the foster homes scouted for the best and the brightest, academically. Someone who was pleasing and didn't argue, who would do as they were told."

"And they picked you," Gunn concluded.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. My parents are…rather cold people. Quite unhappily married, but unwilling to do anything to change their lives. They needed an heir. My _father_ needed an heir," he corrected, "to continue the line of Watchers. As I had the highest marks in my classes, I was selected. We didn't get along…I was a disappointment to them, particularly when I left the Council." He turned back to Jackter. "That is my wish."

Jackter nodded and faced the fire.

__

Cinder and ash, flame and fire

'Tis the other's life to see we desire

Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

*~*~*

__

FLASH

*~*~*

__

Westchester Home for Boys, 1974

"Wesley you idiot…can't you even pretend you can hit the ball?" Archie Gibbons called from the makeshift pitcher's mound. "I swear…God really intended for you to be a girl, with the way you hit."

"You mean swing! 'e never 'its it!" Niles Brighton shouted back from third base. The entire team giggled appreciatively.

Wesley squinted his eyes and dug his feet into the ground. He _would_ hit it this time. Show that stupid git Archie Gibbons that he wasn't a girl.

"Oh, all right. I'll throw it again, but you might as well just save yourself the embarrassment, Wes," Archie sighed, and wound up for the pitch. The moment the ball was released Wesley caught his breath, closed his eyes, and swung.

The sound of the ball hitting the catchers mitt forced his eyes open. "Bollocks," he swore, and slunk off the field to the sounds of merry laughter coming from behind him.

Mercifully the bus came a moment later to pick them up and take them back to the home. Wesley chose the front seat, away from the more rowdy boys in the back, and stared out of the window, alone in his thoughts, ignoring the ridicule of the others. _Someday, someday he'd get out of that house and make his own way._ Someone was going to adopt him soon…he just knew it. A young couple, kind and gentle who would play with him. A father that would teach him how to hit and a mum that would bake him cookies and have tea ready at precisely the right time. Wesley wasn't even sure he liked tea, but if she was making it, he knew it would be perfect.

The old bus rambled up to the house and they all climbed out. Lining up against the side of the bus they were counted, as was tradition ever since Charles Livington had gotten left at the British Museum for nine whole hours, and waited to see who would be given the duty of bringing in the sports equipment.

Mr. Brack, the bus driver and caretaker of the house, asked for a volunteer, something he never got. Except for this day. Wesley's hand was in the air. If he was taking the bags down into the basement then he would avoid the other boys for a good hour. By the time he was finished they would have vacated the bathroom and he could shower without being further teased for his lack of athletic skill.

"Good man, Wes. You enjoy lugging those bags down to the cellar," Archie grinned, thumping him on the back as he sailed into the house with the other boys.

Wesley heaved the bags of bats and balls down the stairs and into the equipment room next to the furnace. It smelled like mothballs down here…mothballs and sewage. Huffing and puffing he made his way back up the stairs and to the back of the bus, hefting down yet another bag.

Something was brushing his leg as he walked, he noted, and glanced down to find the shoelace on one of his oxford's untied. Cautiously he began to take the steps into the dank cellar when he heard commotion behind him. Autos. People were pulling up, car after car. Of course! Visiting Day! Once every six months the house had a free day where people from the town came in and talked and played with the boys. That was why they'd had the impromptu baseball game…Master Crydell and the other guardians had gotten them out of the house to tidy it up.

He had to hurry and get cleaned up so that he was presentable for the townspeople. They would have a meeting first, to discuss the progress of the house and the funds that were still needed to maintain it and the boys that resided there, but then…the luncheon. It was like Christmas to the boys. The townspeople came and brought sweets and presents. They pretended it was just another day, but the boys knew…they were being looked over. And some of them, if they made a good impression, would be adopted.

Wesley lifted the bag and began to move double-time to get down the cement stairs into the cellar. Just one more trip and he'd have it finished, plenty of time to get his area doubly neat and himself a quick shower. That was his last thought before his right foot planted itself firmly on top of the stray shoelace on his left, and sent him careening down the cement stairs.

When he woke up several hours later he discovered himself in the infirmary with a broken leg and a concussion. Visiting Day was over. He'd missed his chance.

*~*~*

****

"So by volunteering that day, I chose my path," Wesley mused more to himself than to the crowd watching alongside him.

"Never in my life did I expect to find you all dirty, playing ball," Gunn teased. "But this confirms that you've always been a klutz."

*~*~*

__

London, 1989

On his eighteenth birthday Wesley Oliver Martin was released into the world with only a few pounds to his name, but with more ambition than was surely legal. He headed directly to the flat he would be living in for the time being; it was more like Westchester House for adults, he thought, but this time he could come and go as he pleased. And he had only six months to stay there before he would be required to leave. It was the mission of the flat owners to get the men on their feet financially and then to help them find their own place to live, making room for the next group to move in.

He would be working in a bookstore, something he was rather looking forward to. He'd always enjoyed books, preferring to sit under a tree and read, or in the window seat on the fourth floor of Westchester, rather than engage in the sports the other boys had so loved. Eventually he hoped to attend some classes at the university level, though he doubted he would be able to afford that for some time.

The apartment was small, but clean, and he would be sharing it with a man named Barney, an unfortunate name in Wesley's opinion, but he seemed nice enough. He unpacked quickly and made his bed, then started out to explore the city he'd lived in all his life and had been unable to explore as he'd liked. Plus, he wanted to find the bookstore he would be working in. 

Wesley spent the better part of the day wandering the streets on this damp London day, wrapped tightly in the jacket he'd been given for his birthday by his hall Master, Jon. It was the nicest thing he'd ever owned, and he felt very snappy as he walked confidently into the bookstore, noting the musty but comforting smell of the old books. Incense burned, lavender, he presumed. It smelled familiar, but he didn't know why.

"Hello?" he called to the deserted store. No one answered. He walked up two short stairs onto the main landing and began to read over the book titles when he heard the floor creak behind him. He whirled around to find a short, stout old woman smiling at him.

"Mr. Martin, I presume," she said, her voice just above a whisper.

Wesley smiled and extended his hand. "Yes, Mrs. Hoffington? How do you do?"

"I am Evangenia Hoffington, and I am very well, child, very well. As well as can be expected, anyway. Do sit down. The school said you would be arriving today," she said as she shifted around the room.

Wesley took a seat on an ancient bench. "Yes, m'am. Thank you very much for the opportunity."

"Tsk. I could see it the moment you walked in. You'll do just fine, Wesley Oliver Martin. Just find indeed." She eyed him seriously. "Martin…did you know your parents at all?"

Wesley sobered. "No m'am, not really. They died when I was two, I don't remember them at all."

Mrs. Hoffington nodded. "No, of course you wouldn't. I knew some Martin's, back in my day," she told him. "Lovely people."

"I'm sure they were."

"Well, you're wanting to know your duties, I'd imagine," she said, shuffling around the room. Wesley followed her as she recited his jobs. It didn't seem too complicated, until she went into the back and revealed a heavy wooden, and quite well locked, door.

"Back here are specialty books," she said to him. If possible, her voice became even lower than before. "You sell nothing from here without permission from me. And even then, it takes a lot more for me to part with what texts and other items I keep in here. No one has the key but me."

Wesley gulped and nodded. "What do you keep back there?"

Shrewd eyes looked into his nervous ones. "Nothing you need to know about. You must take this on faith."

Wesley glanced back at the door, the tickle of fear creeping up his spine, and nodded.

*~*~*

__

1999

"Evie, the truck's here," Wesley called from his perch on the stepladder. He was cataloging the inventory for the year, as he had every year for the past ten he'd worked at the store. He did it now, however, as the part owner. Six years into his tenure at Hoffington Books Mrs. Hoffington, now affectionately called Evie, had proposed to him a partnership. "I'm not going to be around forever, Wesley," she told him. "And what we do is important."

She referred not to the rare books that she sold in the main section of shop, but the well-guarded back room. After two years of employment Evie had trusted him with the secret. She housed one of the finest collections of mystical references and objects of power in the world. It was a well-kept secret, even in the underground of the black arts, and one which Wesley had soon become enthralled with. He was Evie's prized pupil, and a fast learner. She commented more than once that it was a shame he had to live his life in a bookstore when he could be doing so much more with his aptitude for magic and the mystical. But Wesley just laughed and told her there was no place else he'd rather be.

His life was comfortable. He enjoyed his work, relished in his new hobby. There was nothing else in the world he felt he was cut out for.

"Thank you, Wesley. They're late again," Evie told him, glowering at the front door.

"Do you really expect any different?" he joked, giving her a smile.

"Humph," she replied, and went to meet them. Before she could reach the door it opened for her and in walked a rather winded looking man.

"Why Rupert Giles!" Evie exclaimed happily. "What on earth are you doing here?!"

The man smiled at her warmly. "I'm afraid it's only a business trip," he told her meaningfully. Her expression immediately changed.

"Of course. Can you be kind enough to give me just a moment to deal with the delivery truck? My partner, Mr. Martin, can offer you come refreshment," she said, turning to Wesley.

Wesley climbed down from the ladder. "Wesley Martin," he said, extending a hand.

Mr. Giles shook it. "Yes, how do you do? Rupert Giles."

"You know Mrs. Hoffington?" he asked, moving to the teacart and beginning to pour.

The man took off his glasses and began to clean them. "Yes, we go back quite a long ways."

"Interesting," Wesley said offhand. "I've worked here ten years and don't believe we've met."

"No, ah…we haven't. I've been living in America now for quite some time," Mr. Giles told him.

Wesley grinned. "Really? Which part? I've always wanted to see the States."

"California, actually."

"How exciting. Will you be returning there after your trip?" Wesley handed him a cup.

"Y-yes, I will be."

The door behind them opened and Evie stepped back indoors. "Well now, Rupert, shall we adjourn to the back?"

"That would be wonderful, thank you, Evie," Mr. Giles said graciously.

"Wesley, please join us," Evie instructed.

The three faced the door to the back room and Evie took an amulet out of her skirt pocket. Muttering the incantation that would disable the mystical lock, the door swung open, and closed soundly on its own when they were all inside.

"Now, Rupert, what may I assist you in?" Evie asked as they sat at an old oak table.

"Ethan's back," Mr. Giles told her.

Evie gasped. "No. That boy just can't stay out of trouble, can he? Has he contacted you?"

Giles nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Things in California are troublesome now. Ethan has cast a spell on the Slayer, disabling her. It's part of the Council's dark magic, the kind we were educated of but naturally, never allowed to use. We are fortunate enough to have another Slayer on our hands but with the spell, demons around the world are flocking to Sunnydale. It's getting to be too much. And it's destroying Buffy, mentally. She is left unable to fight, after knowing nothing else for years now."

Evie tsked. "I can see how that might be a problem. What spell did he perform?"

"The Everlast," Giles told her gravely.

Evie sighed. "I suspected as much from what you've told me. You'll be needed the Talisman of Gouldar."

"Yes," Giles nodded. "You're the only person I know who can get it, and as quickly as I need it. I fear the longer I'm gone, the worse things at home will become."

"What of her Watcher, the other Slayer's Watcher?"

"If I may interrupt…what exactly is going on?" Wesley asked, breaking into the conversation.

Evie gave Giles an apologetic smile. "I'm afraid I have not discussed all the Council's secrets with Wesley yet." She turned to her partner. "Wesley, you know about Ms. Summers, the current Slayer. You know that she is no longer working for the Council. What you don't know is that the Council made a rather dangerous mistake. Ms. Summers died a few years back, but was revived within a matter of minutes. As it turns out, those few minutes were long enough to call a second Slayer."

"So there are two?" Wesley asked, impressed.

"Yes Ms. Buffy Summers and Ms. Alicia Jordan. And Rupert was Ms. Summers' Watcher, until an unfortunate…rebellion, would you call it?" she asked Giles.

Giles smiled softly. "Yes, that might be the perfect word. Ms. Summers, Buffy, quit the Council, shortly after I was fired."

"Fired? From the Council of Watchers?" Wesley asked incredulously.

"Yes, I'm afraid."

"This is not the point. The point is there are two Slayers now, being looked after by Sheldon Masters, and one of them is incapacitated. We cannot have this," Evie said sharply. "I'm afraid it will take me a day or two to get what you need, Rupert. Can you wait that long?"

"I'll have to. Thank you, Evie," he told her gratefully.

"Nonsense. I've known you since you were a child, nursed you through those horrid days when you were running with Ethan. That boy, in my opinion, has always needed a good boxing of the ears. And perhaps some jail time," she said, as an afterthought.

"He's since disappeared," Giles informed her.

*~*~*

****

"Good lord," Giles said softly. "Sheldon Masters would have been your new Watcher?"

"Who's Sheldon Masters?" Buffy asked.

"A bloke I attended Oxford with, and went through the Council's studies with. He was-" 

"Far worse than me," Wesley offered with a grin. "As a Watcher, that is."

"Yes, quite. Much, much worse," Giles smiled back. "Amazing, though…the coincidence with Evie. I really do know her, you know. She passed on two years ago."

"Wait," Buffy interrupted. "What happened to Faith? Who's Alicia Jordan?"

*~*~*

Evie obtained the talisman within a day and called Rupert that night at his hotel room to have him pick it up at the shop. 

"Rupert will be over shortly," she said to an empty shop, shuffling nervously around the store.

She glanced at the clock, muttering to herself as old women tend to do. "The talisman is quite old, and can be very dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands."

"Like, mine?" a voice came from behind them.

Evie turned quickly. "Ethan."

"Hello, Evie," Ethan drawled. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Not long enough, I'm afraid, boy," she replied, sternly.

"Now, now," Ethan said, strolling around the room. "Let's not take that tone…after all the years we go back?"

"Yes, after all those years you did nothing but violate every rule the art of magic has, after you nearly killed most of your friends with your blunders, and after you ignored all of the tutoring I gave you."

"Well…there is that," he admitted. "I want the talisman, Evie. You can't give it to Rupert. It's no fun when he enters the playing field. He's so, stalwart and noble."

"So very unfamiliar to you, isn't it?" Evie said evenly.

Ethan flashed her a grin. "I know you have it, Evie."

"You're quite wrong, Ethan, as usual."

"I know you made a phone call to Rupert at his hotel, which he left quickly after receiving."

"And you are correct. However, he left and went straight to the airport where he will board a plane and return to America."

Ethan cocked an eyebrow. "Without the talisman? Do you think I'm a complete idiot?"

"Actually, I have no doubt of it. You see, last night I gave the talisman to my partner, who then flew to America to revive the Slayer. Rupert merely stayed to throw you off the trail, which seems to have worked like a…well, you know."

Ethan watched her carefully. "I don't believe you."

"That's too bad."

He took a step forward and she held up a hand to stop him. "You don't want to get involved with me, Ethan. Even you know that much."

Ethan stared at her for a minute, then two. Then, "Dammit!" he shouted, and ran out of the store and into the night.

*~*~*

Just as Rupert had said, a group of teenagers was waiting for him at the gate, along with a glowery young man in a black duster. Introductions were hastily made, and Angel, the brute in the coat, quickly ushered them to his car. 

Willow, the shy redhead, asked to see the talisman. Wesley hesitated a moment, when Angel growled, "Give it to her." He quickly complied, Oz, the boy in the backseat with him, didn't react at all.

"It's real," she told the passengers. "I can feel the energy in it."

"Good," Angel said, and sped up.

"When's Giles coming back again?" Oz asked.

"Tonight, later flight. Had to throw Ethan off. Hopefully, he'll follow Giles back here…so I can gut him," Angel said calmly.

Wesley choked.

*~*~*

****

The entire group around the fireplace grinned.

*~*~*

Willow performed the ritual, with some rather impressive magic, and Buffy was soon revived. Giles returned that evening, sure that Ethan was on his tail, but unconcerned about it for the meantime, so glad was he that Buffy had been, or would soon be, returned to full strength.

"Buffy," Giles said, stepping into the room at Angel's mansion that she was resting in. "I'd like you to meet Mr. Wesley Martin. He was the courier for our little scheme."

Buffy smiled weakly at him. _She's so little,_ he thought.

"And this," Giles said, turning to the rather muscular girl walking into the room, "is Alicia."

"Thank you," Alicia told him sincerely. "It'll be nice to have her back in the game. She's going crazy in here, just sitting back, watching me do her job better than she did," she teased affectionately.

"And God knows, we don't need another crazy Slayer," Xander muttered.

"Second that," Oz told them.

"Another?" Wesley asked.

"Faith. She…had some mental issues. Liked to kill people, for one. Ended up getting her dead," Alicia told him. "Then I was called."

"Oh my gosh," Wesley gasped.

"Tell us about it," Xander joked. "Faith was okay at first…but Sheldon in there…" he said, jerking a finger disdainfully, "not exactly up to par as far as Watcher's go. He slacked off on her, backed off, thinking if he gave her space she'd come around. What she needed, if you ask me, was some jail time."

"Can we not talk about this?" Buffy asked uncomfortably.

"Of course," Giles said smoothly. "Wesley, will you be returning to England?"

"Uh, yes, I will, thank you. Though, I must say, your life here seems rather exciting. Perhaps I'll come back and visit sometime."

"That would be wonderful. We certainly owe you a huge debt of gratitude," Giles told him.

*~*~*

"That's enough, please," Wesley said shakily.

"But you haven't seen all I'm to show you," Jackter told him.

"It doesn't matter."

Cordelia placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Wow…so if you hadn't come to Sunnydale, Faith would have ended up dead," Buffy said softly.

"We can't know that…for sure…" Wesley told her.

Angel walked to him. "But we can believe it."


	5. Willow

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG 
    
    Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*

"So, who's next?" Jackter said, looking around the group expectantly. Willow looked up at him.

"Is it okay if I go next?" She said gently. Nobody argued, and she smiled uncertainly. Then her face took on a serious note. "Okay. Now, Buffy, don't get the wrong idea, when I ask this…but you said you were happy in Heaven. So I want to know what life would be like here if we hadn't brought you back."

Buffy looked down at the ground, but didn't say anything. 

"Buffy?" Willow asked.

"I'm not sure I want to know...but, you're right. You guys need to know. And so do I."

"So that's what you want to know?" Jackter said. Willow nodded.

__

Cinder and ash, flame and fire, 

'Tis the other's life to see we desire 

Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

*FLASH!* 

*~*~*

__

Fall, _2001_

Willow, Tara, Anya, Xander, and Dawn walked into the Summers home, looking dejected. They had just barely made it to the airport in time to see Giles off, giving him the emotional send-off he'd tried to avoid, but had desperately needed.

"I can't believe Giles is gone," Willow said morosely. 

Anya looked especially perky for a moment. "I know something that will cheer everyone up!"she said happily.

"Not now, Anya," Xander whispered, sternly enough that Anya pouted a little, but said nothing more. Suddenly Spike stepped into the dark foyer of the house, his jaw set, his blue eyes glittering harshly. He looked angry.

"Spike. Um, hey, you're here. That's good, then, you can watch Dawn while we go do our research thing," Willow said, a small smile on her face. In just a few hours the time would be right…time to perform the spell to bring Buffy back.

"Sorry, Red. You aren't going anywhere." His voice was cold and hard. He sounded as angry as he looked.

"S-Spike?" Dawn asked a little timidly. "What's going on?"

"Go up to your room, Bit," he said, biting the words out, as if he knew she was going to fight it.

"What's going on?" she demanded, looking around. Spike seemed to be the only one who knew.

"Yeah, Spike? Whatever it is, would you just tell us?" Xander piped in, exasperated.

"We have research to do," Willow said pensively, glancing at the clock.

"Oh, I know. I saw your little research project. You left it at the Magic Box. I know exactly what you're researching. And it's not going to bloody happen."

Dawn looked perplexed, while the others widened their eyes and stared at Spike in shock. He knew the truth, and they were afraid.

"Dawnie, go on up to bed," Tara suggested gently, knowing that she couldn't be allowed to hear what was about to be said.

Dawn looked at the group dubiously before stomping up to her room, angry at being left out of the loop.

"Spike," Willow started, but he cut her off.

"Don't you bloody dare. Do you have any idea what you're dealing with here?" he said angrily.

"We have to get her back," Willow said, tears springing to her eyes.

"She's gone, Red. She died, and she's gone, and if you do a resurrection spell something will go wrong. And you know that if something goes wrong, you're going to fix it. And I don't think you can."

"What do you mean, if something goes wrong?" Xander said.

"If she comes back…_not Buffy_. This is dangerous stuff. What if she comes back, not right, and you have to get rid of what comes back? Magic has consequences, kiddies. Always," Spike ground out.

"You, of all people, should be begging us to do it!" Willow cried quietly. "You think you're in love with her…well, you should want her back."

"You think I don't want her back?" Spike's voice broke on the last word. After a pause, he started again. "I want her back. I want her back so bad I can't bloody stand it. But she's gone. You have to deal with that. She's not coming back."

"We have to get her back! Spike…she could be in some horrible Hell dimension, somewhere. We can't just leave her there!" Tears were running down Willow's face in earnest by then, and Tara had a reassuring hand on the small of her back.

"You don't know where she is. She's just dead. Leave it that way."

"No. Spike, I won't."

From under his duster, Spike pulled out the Urn of Osiris, which had been left at the Magic Shop. "Yes you _will!"_ He growled the last word loudly, and hurled the Urn at the wall, where it shattered into tiny fragments.

"No!" Willow screamed, bursting into fresh tears as Xander turned menacingly on the vampire.

"You bastard. That was our only chance at getting her back!"

"I couldn't let you do it. I couldn't let you bring her back only to have her die again. I can't lose her twice." Spike said grimly. His gaze ticked to where the Buffybot stood, perky as ever. "It's bad enough having to see that everyday," he told them. He turned to walk out the door, his duster flapping a little behind him, the Scoobies sagging in the foyer of the Summers home, their plans destroyed.

Slamming the door behind him he stormed off to his crypt but his emotions were too high. And he'd left Dawn there, with them…and she had no idea what was going on. He prowled the streets for what seemed like hours, kicking the ass of a Gakten demon down to a bleeding pulp before heading back to the house on Revello, ready to make nice again and talk to Dawn. Maybe get in a little gin rummy.

His reception at the house was as he'd expected, silent and stony, but Willow moved aside and allowed him to enter.

"Look, Red," Spike tried, but she held up a hand, the pain of it making words hard to form.

He sighed. "Maybe this was a bad idea," he admitted and turned to go.

Spike opened the door and looked out, and that was when he heard it. Motorcycles. He peered around, and saw dozens of motorbikes squealing through the streets of Sunnydale, ridden by ugly demons. Several of the demons pulled out baseball bats and started to destroy everything within their reach.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered, staring.

"What's going on, Spike?" Anya asked, stepping toward the door.

"Get back," he growled, closing the door loudly, keeping her from seeing.

"What's out there?" She asked again, trying to look around him.

"Stay away from the windows," he told them all, looking around for weapons. He found an axe, and hefted it in his hand, testing the weight.

"What the hell is going on?" Xander said through clenched teeth.

"Hellions…" Spike replied, trailing off.

"Road pirates?!" Anya yelped, dismay evident on her face.

"Who?" Tara asked, confusion in her eyes.

"Road pirates," Spike repeated. "They raid towns. Destroy everything, and burn the bloody places to the ground. Usually, they only go after backwater places. Anyplace vulnerable."

After a beat, Willow's eyes widened in fear. "They know," she realized.

"About Buffy?" Tara said, blinking rapidly.

"They wouldn't be here if they thought the Slayer was nearby," Spike replied, looking out the window again. "Bloody hell, there's a lot of 'em."

"We need weapons. Big, large, copious amounts of weapons," Xander said, moving toward the chest in the sitting room, where the weapons were kept.

"We're not gonna get it done, Harris," Spike replied, shaking his head, eyes not leaving the window. "Too many of 'em. Best bet is to get the hell out and hide." He glanced around now. "Where's the bot?"

"We sent her on patrol," Tara told him.

"We can't hide," Willow said miserably. "There's no place to go, and besides, how would we get past them?"

"Well, we need help," Spike growled, turning to face her, his eyes flashing with gold anger.

"Fine. I'll get help," she ground out, just as fierce as him. Willow whirled around and left the room, going for the phone.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered, looking out the window again at the demons destroying everything on the street.

"What's going on out there?" Dawn said tremulously from the top of the stairs.

"Best get down here with us, Nibblet," Spike said, glancing back at her. "Don't want you getting caught unawares."

"Who are they?" she said, coming down the stair to stand behind him. She peered out the window from her vantage point.

"Road pirates. They know about…the Slayer not being here anymore, and they've come to destroy the whole town," Xander said bitterly. "Ain't that just swell?"

"Oh God," Dawn said. "What do we do?"

Spike gave a faint grin."You stay here. I go outside and fight the buggers off."

"You just said you weren't enough, Spike," Tara argued immediately. "You said we needed help."

"Which is on the way," Willow broke in, coming in from the other room.

"Who'd you call, Will?" Xander asked her, curiosity and confusion in his voice.

"The only people who can help us right now."

*~*~*

"That was Willow. I have to go to Sunnydale," Angel said, stalking through the office to get his things together.

"Sunnydale? What for?" Cordelia asked. "You just got back."

"They have a situation. Willow said…Road pirates."

"Road pirates? Like a biker gang? They can't handle a biker gang?" Gunn said, eyebrows furrowed.

"It's a rather large gang," Angel said, pulling an axe out of the weapons cabinet. "And they're demons. Willow said they were destroying the town, and that they were close."

"That's not good at all," Wesley said, moving to the weapons cabinet.

"She said that Spike said there were too many for him, and that they needed me."

"Spike?" Cordelia asked, surprised, then changed the subject off Angel's expression at the mention of his GrandSire. "We'll come with you," she told him, picking up a crossbow.

"Are you sure?" Angel said, twirling the axe in his hand.

"Strength in numbers," Gunn said, swinging his hubcap axe happily. "Let's go kick some demon ass."

*~*~*

Hours later, the battle still raged. Spike spun around and kicked out wildly at one of the demons that was surrounding him. He swung his axe out, not even looking at where it was arcing, but smiling grimly at the sickeningly wet slap it made as it connected with demon flesh. A triumphant war-cry spilled from his lips, and he turned golden eyes on another of the demons, axe arcing through the air again.

Behind him, Willow was chanting a protection spell to go around the house, which they were defending. Their main goal was to keep Dawn and the house safe until Angel could get here and help them fight off the demons.

Xander ducked an unidentified projectile as it careened from a demon's hand toward his head, and lifted his own crossbow, shooting the demon through the throat with a grim expression. He turned to where Anya was fighting one off with a bat and moved to help her.

Suddenly, a classic black Plymouth flew up the street toward where the Scooby Gang was spread out. It crashed through a few of the demons, taking them down like bowling pins, before screeching to a halt a few yards from the main action. From inside the convertible out hopped Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Angel, all armed to the teeth with weapons and determined faces.

"Thanks for coming!" Willow cried to them before saying something in Latin and shooting a fireball from her hand toward one of the demons.

"Thanks for having us," Angel yelled back, stepping into the fray immediately, swinging his axe gracefully and with precision.

Cordelia turned toward the house, just in time to see a glass jar of some kind fly through the window, crashing into the living room of the Summers' home, and flames shoot up as the house started to burn quickly.

"The house!" she shouted. Tara looked toward the house, panic on her face. 

"Dawn's inside!" she shouted, starting to head for the house. Cordelia caught up to her.

"No, you stay here and fight. You've got the witchiness going for you," Cordy said, moving through the fray toward the house. "I'll get her out."

"Dawn!" roared Spike, growling and baring his fangs as he cut through a slew of demons.

"Cordy's getting her!" Willow cried. She looked around wildly. "They just keep coming! Why are there so many of them?"

"Don't know, Pet. But I reckon we should get rid of 'em!" Spike replied, just before a demon punched him full in the face. He flew back, his axe dropping somewhere out of his reach. "Bloody hell!" he groaned from the ground.

Gunn moved toward where Xander and Anya were being surrounded, his hubcap axe swinging in front of him. "Hang in there," he shouted, engaging one of the demons.

Wesley ducked a blow and glanced at the house. "The fire's getting worse!" he yelled to anyone who was listening. 

Spike looked up from where he was straddling and punching a demon in horror. "Dawn!" he cried again. 

Angel looked to the house. "Cordy!" was his cry. Both vampires headed for the house, running at full speed. Just as they reached the door, the flames licking the sides of the house rose up in a sudden rush of heat, throwing the very-flammable vampires back to land with matching thuds on the pavement of the driveway.

"Dammit!" Spike yelled, holding hi hand in front of his face to guard it from the glaring heat.

"We need to get in there!" Angel cried, looking around in panic.

"Red! Work some of your mojo over here and get us the hell inside!" Spike yelled at Willow, who turned and raised her hands. Her eyes took on the thick blackness that signaled her strongest magicks, and she shouted out some words in Latin. Suddenly the flames parted, allowing the vampires entry into the house. Willow was suddenly rammed from behind by a demon, and she was sent to the ground heavily. As she fell, her concentration broke and the flames converged back together, effectively trapping the vampires, Cordelia and Dawn inside the burning house.

"Willow!" Tara shouted, running to her girlfriend's aid.

*~*~*

****

"My God," Cordelia muttered, looking into the scene in front of them. "It's like Hell."

"It IS Hell," Angel muttered. "I ought to know."

"It's not over yet," Willow said, her voice weak. The group looked back into the scene.

*~*~*

Dawn was scared. She was upstairs, and she knew that her house was burning down, but she couldn't get to the stairs. The flames had burned through the lower level of the house with surprising speed, and the stairs were blocked. She'd heard Cordelia shouting for her, and had called down to her, but then she'd heard a scream that faded into the flames. Suddenly she heard a male voice shouting from downstairs.

"Dawn!" Spike yelled, his voice desperate.

"Spike!" she cried. "I'm upstairs! Help!"

"Bloody hell!" he said, moving toward the stairs. Angel was just behind him, looking around for his Seer.

"Cordy?" Angel called as they made their way to the stairs. Both vampires stopped suddenly, looking at the limp body of the former cheerleader at the foot of the stairs.

"Oh, Bollocks," Spike growled before glancing back at his grandsire. Turning back to the stairs he took a giant leap, depending on her preternatural abilities to carry him high enough over the flames, and landed solidly on a step, more than halfway up the burning staircase.

"Cordy?" Angel said weakly, before leaping forward and throwing off the wooden beams that had fallen on her. He picked her flaccid form up and looked up the stairs. "Spike!" he called. "Spike, I'm getting Cordy out, get Dawn out now!"

"Right!" Spike called from upstairs. Angel ran out the front door, Cordelia cradled in his arms. He got to the sidewalk before he set her down and checked her for breathing. She wasn't breathing, and she didn't have a pulse.

"Oh God. Oh God. Cordy!" Angel cried, anguish in his voice as he shook her body gently. "Cordelia!" Her limp body didn't respond. Cordelia Chase was dead.

Spike burst through the door of the Summers house, Dawn in his arms, coughing. "You all right, Nibs?" he said gently, wiping at her soot-stained face. She nodded around her coughs, and looked over to where Angel was cradling Cordelia's head in his arms, crying.

"No!" she cried, struggling out of Spike's grip and running to the souled vampire's side. She ran her hands over Cordelia's face and hair, sobbing.

"She's gone, Dawn," Spike said, pulling her to her feet. "We have to get out of here." Dawn rubbed at her tears and nodded bravely. "Angel, come on," Spike said loudly, kicking one heavy boot at his grandsire gently. 

Angel looked up at him for a moment before shaking his head quickly and standing up. He laid Cordy back, folding her hands over her stomach. "I'll come back for you," he whispered before turning back toward the fight. "Spike, get Dawn somewhere safe. I'm going back in."

"Right, mate," Spike said before herding Dawn away quickly. "Let's go, Dawn." Angel joined the fray of flying weapons and punches, delivering a few killing blows in his frustration and grief. Spike took Dawn over toward where Xander was unsuccessfully fighting off a demon. Spike stepped up and swung an axe at it from behind, and decapitated it. Xander shot him a grateful look. 

"Take Dawn, get her somewhere safe," Spike said quickly. Xander just nodded and took hold of Dawn's hand. 

"Come on, Dawnie. Let's get out of here." Xander and Dawn took off down the street.

"Where are we going?" Dawn asked after a few blocks.

"I'm not really sure yet. When we find somewhere safe, I'll stop." Xander kept plugging on. They walked quickly, tired but determined. 

"Xander?" Dawn said after a few minutes. She was looking to their right. "What's going on?"

Xander looked to the direction she indicated and saw several demons in a circle, blocking view of whatever was in the center. Xander looked at it for a moment, then got himself and Dawn behind a tree so they could see but weren't out in the open. "Not sure. Looks like they've got someone in that circle."

"We have to help them!" Dawn whispered loudly. She started forward.

"We can't do anything, Dawn. We aren't enough."

"We can't just watch!" Dawn said, before looking back at the circle. She saw that it had parted slightly, and they could see the figure in the middle.

"It's the Buffybot," Xander sighed. "Damn. We can't get it back."

Suddenly the motorcycles in the distance gunned, and shot off in different directions, pulling the limbs from the robot. Dawn screamed shrilly. "Buffy!!"

"Dammit!" Xander breathed when the demons all turned to look at them. "Run!" he cried. Xander and Dawn took off for shelter, two demons on bikes gaining on them fast.

"Go, go, go!" Xander cried to Dawn, pushing her ahead of him. "I'll fight them off. Go get somewhere safe. Go to…go to the Mansion. Crawford Street. I'll get you later."

"Xander!" Dawn cried, not wanting to leave him. 

"Go!" he yelled, stopping and turning around, brandishing a large axe. The first biker sped as if to go by him, but Xander swung his axe out, catching it in the arm. It let out a vicious scream as Xander smiled grimly. "Batter up," he said. Then he turned, just in time to see the second demon crack a bullwhip at his throat. The whip caught him around the throat, and the demon jerked his arm back, slicing through the skin on the construction worker's neck. The only sound Xander could make was a gurgle as his life's blood poured through his hands when he tried to stop the blood flow. He turned to see the demons looking around for Dawn, and not finding her. His last thought before death claimed him was that he hoped she was safe. Then he was gone.

*~*~*

****

"Xander!" Anya cried, grasping her husband-to-be by the hand. "Oh God."

"It's okay, Ahn. It didn't really happen." Xander assured her, though his own eyes were huge, pain slicing through him.

"I-it could! Willow, you can't choose this!" Anya said, turning tearful eyes on the red-headed witch.

"It isn't finished yet," Jackter told them. "Let it finish before you make your decision."

*~*~*

__

Fall, 2002

Angel was sitting in a small cabin, beside a warm fire, writing. His hair was long and unkempt, and there were bags under his eyes. His skin was more pale than usual, and he looked thin and fragile.

He was writing and the Scooby Gang moved in closer to see.

__

Giles,

I thought it best to let someone know that I'm still alive. Or at least, as alive as I can be, knowing what I've done. What I haven't done. I hope the next Champion does a better job than I have. I've failed the most important women of my life, in every possible way. They're dead, or gone, or I've lost touch with them.

When we found Dawn that morning, she was huddled in the corner of the Mansion I'd lived in before. She wasn't speaking. She hasn't spoken since, actually. She's the third female I've failed. First Buffy, then Cordy, and then Dawn. And poor Xander, too. I can't help but wonder, if it was all my fault. If I'd been there to help Buffy, if she hadn't died…would it be different? 

I know you're in England now. It's good that you've moved on, Giles. I can't, though. I can't move past any of it. I'm not going to try anymore. Gunn and Wesley, they try, they keep up the fight, but they do it without me now. Willow…well, you know about Willow. The doctors say that her catatonia is improving, but her eyes are as vacant as ever. I don't know what's become of Anya or Tara. 

There isn't a point. I used to think that it mattered what we did. Now I know that all that matters is what we don't do, because that's what we regret.

Angel set down the pen.

*~*~*

****

"Wow," Willow said, wiping the tears from her face. Jackter looked at her expectantly. "Oh, wow. I choose this. I choose to have brought Buffy back," she sobbed. Willow turned to Buffy. "Buffy, I know that you aren't that happy to be back, that you're upset, but…Buffy. All that stuff. You stopped it. Cordy…Xander…"

"I know, Will. It's okay," Buffy said, tears running down her face. The two girls held each other tightly.

"What about me? Letter doesn't mention me," Spike asked. 

He was summarily ignored.


	6. Anya

Title: _The Road Not Taken_

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*

"Who is next?" Jackter sighed, wishing desperately that his night were over. He wanted to search for Harry, not grant wishes for a group of humans…or a group mostly of humans.

"Me!" Anya cried, springing to her feet before anyone else could. "I want to go."

"Very well," Jackter said wearily, and sat on the tree stump serving as his chair.

"I want to know what would have happened if the location spell had worked and I'd gotten back my amulet," Anya told him.

"There's a surprise," Spike muttered.

Anya turned to glare at him. "Being a demon is all I remember. I don't think it's strange that that's what I want to see. You asked what would have happened if you hadn't gotten a chip."

"And we all saw how well that turned out," Spike said pointedly.

"Ahn, are you sure?" Xander asked, moving to her side. "That way lies badness. You came to Sunnydale because of me and Cordelia. I'm sure your personal glimpse into the firey crystal ball won't be all that fun. For any of us."

Anya gave him a simple smile. "We all know what that was like. I told you…Cordelia's wish was for a Sunnydale with no Slayer, and…voila!"

Cordy rounded on her. "What?"

Anya sighed testily. "Remember? Standing outside in the courtyard at the high school? I gave you my amulet for good luck and then you made some wishes. One involved Willow and some monkey-hair, if I remember."

"Hey!" Willow cried softly.

Cordy thought back. "Well…I sort of remember that. But I did a lot of wishing back then. He cheated on me," she said simply, as if that explained it all.

"Exactly. I heard you, I came here, took on the guise of a high school Senior, blah blah blah...you wished for a Sunnydale without Buffy Summers," Anya told her, bored.

"Why me?" Buffy cried. "They were the two who smooched."

"Hey!" now Xander cried.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "I don't blame you now…but back then I'd have blamed _anything_ on you, you know that," she told the Slayer and shrugged. "I figured if you hadn't come to Sunnydale then I never would have looked twice at Xander, I wouldn't have almost gotten killed every single night of the week, and the last three years of high school wouldn't have been so horrible."

Anya rolled her eyes. "Whatever. The thing is, I granted your wish and *poof!* Buffy never came to Sunnydale. But then I lost my amulet, the wish was reversed…and I tried to get it back using a locator spell." She put her hands on her hips and glanced around irritably. "We went over some of this when Willow's evil twin showed up later that year," Anya said tempestuously. "I swear, mortal brains are useless. Remember? I tried to summon my amulet and ended up bringing forth the _Willow_ from that time. Xander, you were all excited because you were a bad-ass vamp in the other world."

"I think you left a few things out, Ahn. Like, oh, the why's and how's of it. I don't remember you mentioning anything about Cordy wishing Buffy'd never come here," Xander told her.

Anya shifted uncomfortably. "Well…like I was going to tell you that I granted a wish that got all of you killed."

"What!?" he cried. "Killed? Who? How? Why?"

"So…so what happened then?" Tara interrupted.

"Well, that's what I want to know," Anya said pointedly and turned back to Jackter. "You may now grant my wish!"

Jackter nodded and turned to the fire.   


__

Cinder and ash, flame and fire, 

'Tis the other's life to see we desire 

Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

*FLASH!*

****

Sunnydale High School, December, 1998

"I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale!" Cordelia Chase cried.

Before her, Anya spun around, but this wasn't the face of the pretty girl she'd just been ranting to. This face was wrinkled beyond recognition, grotesque. Cordelia gasped.   


"Done!" the thing rasped.

And the world changed. Things were bland and scary. While as popular as ever, Cordelia soon came to realize that without a Slayer on a Hellmouth, things were downright…well, hellish.

*~*~*

****

Staring into the fire the Scoobies watched as Xander and Willow, decked out in full leathers, approached Cordelia.

"Oh no," Willow whispered. "It's me! It's her! It's the other me!" She turned to Xander. "Hey, I was right! She I_was/I_ a little bit gay," she said, giving him a lopsided smile.

The smile faded as they watched their other selves chase down Cordy, only to be stopped by a van of white hats. 

"It's Giles! And Oz! And…Larry?" Xander exclaimed.

"Why would Giles be here if I wasn't called to the Hellmouth?" Buffy wondered out loud.

*~*~*

*_FLASH!*_

"Giles. It's my fault. I wasn't- I made this stupid wish--" Cordelia wailed.

  
Giles attempted to get her lie back. "Please. You must be still--"

"No!" she cried, determined, pushing him off her. "You have to get Buffy. Buffy changes it. It wasn't like this. It was better. I mean, the clothes alone... But people were happy - mostly - and…Wait. Why are you here? And she's not...I mean, you were her Watcher."

*_FLASH!*_

Cordelia's dead body slumped to the ground, drained by VampXander and VampWillow.

__

*FLASH!*

The scene changed to reveal the Master, Willow and Xander at the Factory.

__

*FLASH!*

Angel, beaten, weak, chained in a cell. Willow and Xander "playing" with him.

__

*FLASH!*

Buffy arriving from Cleveland, meeting with Giles, then taking off for the Factory. 

*_FLASH!*_

Battle. Death. First Angel, then Xander, then Willow…finally, Buffy.

*_FLASH!*_

Giles, breaking the amulet of Anyanka.

*~*~*

"Oh my God," Cordy whispered, horrified.

Buffy gasped. "He rose. Without me there, the Master rose. He's free."

"We moved to Cleveland?" Dawn asked.

"And check out Buffy," Xander said. "You look sorta like Fai--"

__

"Don't say it." Buffy warned. 

"Get on with it already, I know this stuff," Anya grumbled, unaffected./b

*~*~*

__

*FLASH!*

****

Sunnydale, Spring, 1998

Anya stood in front of the demon D'Hoffryn. "For a thousand years I wielded the power of the wish," she began, her voice low and full of contempt. "I brought ruin upon the heads of unfaithful men, I offered destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lowers beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe and now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High! A mortal! A child! And I'm flunking math…" she muttered. "…give me another chance. You can fold the fabric of time. Send me back to that moment and I'll change it. I won't fail again."

  
D'Hoffryn waved his hand, uncaring. "Your time is passed."

"Do you have any idea how boring twelfth graders are?" she shouted. Snapping to her feet she swore, "I'm getting my power-center back. And if you won't help me then by the pestilent gods I'll find someone who will."

__

*FLASH!*

"What do you need?" Willow asked as she stood on a staircase in the high school.

"It's nothing big. Just a little spell I'm working on… I need a secondary to create a temporal fold," Anya was telling her.

__

*FLASH!*

  
"Eyrishon. K'shala. Meh-uhn," Anya chanted, eyes closed, as she sat across from Willow in an empty classroom.

"Diprecht. Doh-tehenlo Nu-Eyrishon," Willow followed.

"The child to the mother."

"The river to the sea."

Anya held out vial of powder. Willow wrapped her hand around Anya's, and they grasped the vial together.

  
"Eyrishon. Hear my prayer," Anya called.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and scenes began to whip past their eyes…Sunnydale, but _not_ Sunnydale…vampires and a battle…Willow's friends, fighting…and dying. Willow gasped, her hand beginning to shake.

Trying not to break her concentration, but sensing a weakening of power on the witches' side, Anya tightened her grip on the vial and quickly turned it upside down, spilling the powder onto the plate beneath their outstretched arms…the plate that contained a depiction of Anyanka's amulet.

Willow was shaking badly now, as was Anya, but the ex-demon fought for control and won.

In a moment it was over. With a _whoosh!_ the spell was lifted and the two girls opened their eyes, gasping for breath.

"What was that? That was - what _was_ that?" Willow demanded shakily.

Anya glanced down and smiled wickedly. "It worked."

Willow looked down, noted the amulet. "Well…great…but…that's a little blacker than I like my arts, Anya. You should have told me."

"I figured an experienced Wicca like yourself could handle this," Anya said snidely, not taking her eyes off the amulet now in her hands.

Willow rose to her feet unsteadily, snatching up her things. "I'm outta here. Great doing magic with you," she bit out, and turned on her heel, storming out of the room.

Anya smiled to herself as she clasped the necklace around her neck. A flash of green lit the stone centered in the amulet. The green filled her eyes for a moment and she took in a sharp breath as the power flooded her body.

When it was over, Anya rose to her feet, feeling strong once again. "It's good to be back," she croaked.

*~*~*

****

"So if the powder hadn't touched me, the other Willow…leather-Willow…wouldn't have been brought here," Willow said wondrously.

"Shh!" Anya shushed.

*~*~*

**__**

Mount Vestos, Greece, 2000

"No, please!" Frederick Papras cried, falling to his knees, trembling at the sight of the demon stalking towards him.

"Sorry," Anyanka hissed. "You should have thought of that before spending the afternoon with Karla the café waitress when your wife was at home tending to your children." With a flick of her hand, the man disappeared. He'd be spending the rest of his days in a dimension not unlike this one…but one in which his career was to clean toilets with his tongue.

Smiling with satisfaction Anya looked down at herself. The smile faded. "Jeez," she muttered, fingering the rags she wore. Taking on the appearance of a professional housekeeper in the small town of Mount Vestos had meant ragged clothing. Things were unpretentious here. There were no signs of big city life, and this was reflected in the simplicity of the people…in their cottages, their jobs, and their garb.

She had befriended Melinda Papras this way…they were both housekeepers, poor, but for the most part happy, until Melinda confided in her new friend that Freddy had had an affair, and their marriage was in shambles. Anyanka already knew this, of course. It was Melinda's broken heart that had called out to her across the dimensions and led the vengeance demon to her doorstep. And it was Melinda's delicious little wish that had sent Freddy far, far away.

Now Anyanka's wrist twitched and the rags were replaced with a splendid robe of sapphire blue, flecked with bits of silver. "Much better," she exclaimed, pleased. 

"That's the last time I'm doing any of these lower demons a favor," she groused after teleporting herself back to her chamber. D'Hoffryn, the Sovereign of Vengeance Demons, and her boss, was seated on his massive throne, dispatching demons to exact "justice," as the biz was now called, on mortals and demons deemed in need.

His eyes ticked to hers as she flounced onto her own throne to his right. "Problems, Anyanka?"

Anyanka rolled her eyes. "These fledglings! They mess up their curses and then we have to come in and bail them out. That new girl, Welinda…she was sent to do this job. It should have been easy. The scorned woman was already wishing his death, chattering in Greek to anyone who would listen. It should have been easy. But what happens? Welinda mixes up her curses and ends up making the Papras house turn into oatmeal."

D'Hoffryn tired, unsuccessfully, to conceal a snort of laughter.

Anyanka cocked an eyebrow at him. "The oatmeal had weevils, so at least that was _something._

"It's the price we pay when we're the leaders, Anyanka," D'Hoffryn reminded her. "When I made you my M'Hashnimar you knew that teaching and guiding the newly recruited demons would be a part of your requirements. You were the same when you started, albeit that was over a thousand years ago."

Anyanka flipped her hair. "I know," she mumbled. "But honestly, Hoffy, sometimes I think we're doling out talismans to anybody with a grudge. Being a vengeance demon used to mean something. Last week?" she said suddenly, sitting up. "I cursed a man because his _dog_ felt unappreciated."

"A dog?"

"Yes! I curse people. I'm partial to men who are unfaithful to women. _Mortal _women! Not dogs who think it's unfair that their master brought home a new puppy!" Anyanka shouted, jumping up and beginning to pace. "I'm the M'Hashnimar! The right hand to the Sovereign of Vengeance! And I'm tired of having to teach first year demons who couldn't find their way out of a Fistial Dimension!" she wailed.

D'Hoffryn clucked his tongue, used to such outbursts. "I may have something for you, then," he said softly, walking away.

Anyanka perked up. "What?" she asked, rising to her feet and following D'Hoffryn out of the chamber. They entered another room, dark, lit only by a few candles. At the far end was a crystal sphere.

"See for yourself," was all he said.

Anyanka stared into the crystal eagerly as a picture began to form. It cleared to reveal a red headed girl casting a spell on the floor of a bathroom.

"She's having her will done," Anyanka murmured. D'Hoffryn was silent.

The scene changed at that instant to show the same girl, now arguing with an older man wearing glasses. "You don't see anything!" she shouted at him.

Again the scene changed. The same girl…oddly familiar now that she thought about it…talking with a guy who was just as famil-- "I know them!" Anyanka cried. "They live in that cursed town where I lost my amulet in the first place! That's…that's…arrgh…" she scrunched her eyes in concentration. "Xander! And Willow!" she cried triumphantly.

Back to the crystal. "Spike's more important than Willow. I get it," Willow was pouting. "Well fine! Why doesn't Buffy just go marry him?"

And then, "Oh yeah, let's look at your bio: Mummy girl. Insect lady. _Cordelia_. You're a...demon magnet. And don't _tell_ me Cordelia wasn't a demon. I knew her, remember?"

Anyanka turned to D'Hoffryn, excitement in her eyes. "She…she's magnificent…for a mortal. So powerful! Look!" she cried as the effects of Willow's rage unfolded. Demons attacked Xander, the librarian, Giles, went blind. And the Slayer…engaged to a vampire. It was the greatest source of glee Anyanka'd felt it a long time.

"What happened to cause her such anguish?" she asked, her eyes shining. Willow's heart was crying out to her, the loveliest of melodies.

"Her boyfriend of several years, a werewolf, mated with another of his kind," D'Hoffryn said offhandedly. "And then left town, with no explanation."

"Please let me have her," she pleaded. "As my protégé. Imagine…just imagine what she could do. If she can handle a willful spell at such a young age…she might just one day out power me!"

D'Hoffryn smiled benignly. "Go to her," he instructed. Anyanka clapped her hands joyfully and whisked herself down the hallway.

*~*~*

"You were engaged to Spike?" Angel growled at Buffy, shooting a heated glare at his GrandChilde, who grinned like an idiot.

Buffy shrugged sheepishly, not wanting to relive the moment. "It wasn't my fault!"

"You…you're coming to ask me to be a demon. D'Hoffryn did that…remember? I turned him down," Willow stammered to Anya.

They turned back to the fire.

*~*~*

The scene moved to UC Sunnydale. It was a bright, cheery afternoon to all but Willow as she sulked her way across the campus on her way back to the dorm. Entering her room she dropped her bag to the floor when there was a bright light accompanied by heavy wind. The next thing she knew she was in a dark chamber, surrounded by robed…beings. A wrinkled demon stood in front of her.

"Welcome," the demon said, with what Willow supposed was a smile.

"H-hi?"

"You don't remember me, do you?"

"Uh, nope. Sorry. Gotta be going now." She tried to turn but was blocked.

"How's this? Better?" came the voice from behind her.

Willow turned to see… "Anya?"

"Yes! I hoped you'd remember. Sorry about that…wasn't thinking. Should have slipped back to my "human" face," she joked.

"What are you doing here? What am _I_ doing here?"

"I heard you. Your pain, your anguish. I can make it stop," Anya told her, taking a step forward as Willow took a step back.

"Wh-what pain?"

"You were betrayed, by the man you gave your heart to. And now you feel that no one understands, that nothing will ever ease it. And…a part of you is very angry with him, isn't it?" Anya prodded.

"You mean with Oz," Willow said. Speaking his name aloud sliced pain through her.

Anya nodded.

"Well…yeah…I've been happier with him…but…what do you mean you heard me, that you can make it all go away?"

Anya smiled, a much nicer sight without the demony wrinkles. "I'm here to offer you a highly coveted position. You can join us, join me. You'll never die, you'll be powerful, and the pain will end."

Willow stared at her incomprehensibly. "I still don't understand."

The demon held up her hand, revealed a gold chain with a charm looped through it. The purple center gleamed off the lights of the candles that surrounded them. "I'm a vengeance demon, Willow. I came to Sunnydale last year and granted a wish for Cordelia Chase. I'm the Patron Saint of Scorned Women."

"Cordelia?" Willow asked, her face scrunching as she tried to work it out. "Oh. Scorned…last year…"

"Yes…you remember. And now you are feeling the pain she did, only ten times as great. I can make it stop. I can make the _whole world_ stop for you. You want power, I can give it. You want control, it's yours. Come, join me. Together, we'll travel the dimensions, mending the hearts of broken women, exacting revenge on the men that shattered them."

"I—I don't know, Anya…that's a nice offer, but…"

"So you want to continue to feel like this?" Anya asked impatiently. "You want to hurt? To mourn? To know that he did you wrong and do nothing about it to show that you're won't stand to being treated that way?"

"It's not like--"

"And your friends certainly don't seem to be there for you, do they?" Anya smirked. "Busy little bees, buzzing around the hive, but no room for Willow…"

Willow said nothing. Her misery was obvious.

Anya began to circle Willow. "I've seen your power. I've lived a long time. Been a demon for over a thousand years. Eleven hundred and twenty-one, actually. And your power is the greatest I've seen in a lower being in quite some time. Imagine…imagine what you could learn, what you could accomplish in eleven-hundred years."

Indecisiveness crept into the witches' eyes. 

"Join me," Anya whispered in her ear. "I get nothing from this, I promise. But I'll teach you. You could be very, very strong. And…your heart will be healed."

Willow's eyes met Anya's. Slowly, she nodded.

Anya smiled. "Excellent."

*~*~*

****

"Holy crap," Xander muttered. "You turned her into a demon!"

Anya looked disgruntled. "Not one of my best speeches," was all she said.

"I really have that much power in me?" Willow asked excitedly, completely glossing over the rest of the fact that she'd just been turned into a demon.

*~*~*

For the next twelve hundred years Anya and Willow, now known as Kaelin, ("Willow's just _not_ a demon name!") desecrated the lives of unfaithful men. Kaelin's first order of business had been to find Oz. And to liquefy his entrails.

Happily they worked together until Kaelin reached and surpassed Anyanka's magical level. It was then she decided to branch out. Anyanka continued to exact revenge on mortal males. Kaelin sought retribution for the demonic side of life.

Soon Kaelin joined Anyanka and D'Hoffryn, sitting on the Sovereign's left side, as his Ta'char; The Patron Saint of Scorned _Demons._

*~*~*

****

"That's enough," Anya said finally. "I can't believe I made M'Hashnimar! That's such an honor!" She turned proudly to Willow. "And you! Ta'char! Bully for you!" she cried, patting the witch on her shoulder.

"Yay me?" Willow asked.

"Which do you choose?" Jackter asked.

"Oh, I'm staying here," Anya said, as if that should be obvious.

Xander looked a bit surprised. "You are?"

"Well…yeah. I mean, being M'Hashmnimar would be _amazing,_ and living forever, and having a powerful sidekick might even not be so bad…but, let's face it. Then I couldn't have you." 

"Awww…" Dawn teased.

Xander grinned stupidly. "Really? You'd give up all that for me?"

"For us," she corrected. "And…I'm getting used to this mortal thing. There's ice cream. And Ferris Wheel's. Russell Crowe movies. And my shop…my money…" she sighed dreamily.

The group around the fire smiled.

"Who is next?" Jackter asked.


	7. Dawn

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG
    
    Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*

"Who is next?" Jackter asked, wearily glancing around the remaining group. 

"Sorry," Dawn mumbled, taking a tentative step forward. "Can I go? Please?" she asked, turning to her sister.

Buffy looked reluctant. "Dawn…I don't think this is such a great idea."

"Come on! Everyone else gets to!"

The Slayer's eyes moved to Willow, who shrugged as if to say, "What can it hurt?"

Buffy took a breath and squinted her eyes suspiciously. "What do you want to ask?"

"I want to know what Sunnydale would be like without me," Dawn said bravely, though a quivering lower lip gave away her nervousness at her request. "If I hadn't been made into the Key…or into your sister."

Buffy's eyes flew wide. "No," she said adamantly. "No. Nuh-uh. Absolutely not."

"Why not?!" Dawn cried. "It's my wish, I want to see."

"Dawn, I agree with Buffy. It's not a good idea," Angel began.

"Listen to us," Buffy told her. "No one wants to know this. Ask something else."

"Come on, Buffy…please? I really, really want to know," the youngest Summers wheedled, giving her sister her best possible puppy-dog eyes. "I wasn't real until over a year ago. Nothing I've done really happened. This is the only thing I can ask that will have made any difference." Then she switched tactics. Shifting her weight to one hip, she crossed her arms. "You can't tell me you've never wondered if life might be better without you around."

"Nope," Buffy shook her head. "Not that I can remember."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Runaway summer, three months in LA," she said pointedly. She turned to Angel. "Snow in Sunnydale." She whipped around to Xander. "Two Xander's because of Toth. You wanted to let clean Xander have your life."

Xander's mouth fell open. "When did Dawn's memory get so good?" he asked Willow to the side. "And it was suave-Xander, not _clean-_Xander."

Several "pleases" later, Buffy relented. "But if it's painful, I have 'I-told-you-so' rights until you're eighty."

"Sure, whatever," Dawn said breezily, grinning. She turned eager eyes to Jackter. "Show me. I want to know what their lives would be like without me here."

Jackter nodded and spoke the incantation.

__

Cinder and ash, flame and fire, 

'Tis the other's life to see we desire 

Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

****

*FLASH!*

__

London, July, 2004

"You got another letter, Rupert!" Olivia called out the back door of the flat they had shared for the two years they'd been married. "From Tara!"

Giles looked up from his spot on the back patio, a small concrete slab surrounded by greenery, and his favorite place to read the morning paper and have a pot of tea. His eyes crinkled as a smile came across his face. Rising, he hurried to the back door and took the letter from Olivia, grinning like a child.

"I swear, you'd think you'd just won a contest," she teased, though she understood what Giles had given up, leaving Sunnydale, and that he missed the people there he'd practically reared as his own children.

Giles ripped open the envelope, addressed in Tara's neat cursive, and walked back out to the patio, reading as he walked.

"So? What does the girl say?" Olivia asked, padding over to him in her slippers.

He smiled. "She and Willow are leaving in a few days for their trip. They'll be in London in two weeks."

"They're staying here, aren't they?"

He glanced up at her. "If you don't mind."

"Of course not. It'll be nice to have some young blood around the flat," she grinned. "Now read! I want to know all about them!"

"Things seem to be well. They both graduated in May, and they're sorry we couldn't make the ceremony, or the party they had afterwards, it seems," he smiled to himself. "Willow has decided to become a doctor!" he then cried excitedly. "And Tara thinks she's going to continue with psychology, perhaps pursue her doctorate herself someday, but for now she's fine with having her Masters, and has accepted a position with a clinic for abused women and children, as a counselor."

"That's wonderful! She has such a gentle spirit, she'll be wonderful at that."

Giles nodded in agreement and kept reading, now aloud. _"Xander and Anya are fine. Xander's taking on more managerial responsibilities with the construction company, more paperwork now than fieldwork, but he enjoys it, and it brings in a much better salary. And Anya says to tell you that she had another person interested in buying the Magic Box the other day, but not to worry, she ran them out of the shop, chasing them with a broom and screaming all the way. It was pretty funny. Especially since she's huge with baby. The due date's in only a few more weeks!"_

He smiled to himself, still having trouble comprehending how things had changed in just a few short years. _"We actually had a visit from Cordelia the other day. She was here to pick up something that the Magic Box carries and for some reason they were unable to obtain in Los Angeles. Anya asked me to make sure I make it clear, she offered to have it shipped, because, well, the store does that, but Cordelia seemed interested in coming back to Sunnydale to see the old gang. I thought she was pretty nice, but Willow and the others were practically stunned. Later Willow told me she was positive someone had put a chip in Cordelia's brain, like they did with Spike's. Guess you had to know her back when to get that."_

"Anyway, everyone in LA is fine. (People I don't know, of course, but Willow's looking over my shoulder dictating this part to me.) Angel Investigations is doing well. Cordelia is dating some guy named Groo (don't ask) and Wesley is happily single and still fighting demons with the best of them. There's a guy named Gunn and a girl named Fred working with them now that we've never met, but Cordelia really likes them. Angel's fine. Still alone, still broody, as Cordy puts it, but the same. She asked about Buffy. We told her the bare minimum and she never saw her while she was in Sunnydale. I guess that's good, but when she went back to LA that night Angel called. Willow talked to him for a long time. He's really worried about her."

"Sounds like everyone's doing fine…what else does it say about Buffy?" Olivia asked, leaning over his shoulder.

Giles brow furrowed for a moment as he read ahead, then he backed up and read to her. "And since I mentioned her, let me get to Buffy. It's the same, Giles."

He stopped and flipped the page over, scanning it quickly, then turning back to the other side.

"That's all it says?" Olivia asked, surprised.

Giles glanced up at her, then nodded regretfully.

*~*~*

****

"Woah, woah, woah. That's all it says about me?" Buffy asked. "What…did I become a leper or something?"

Willow shrugged. "But wow! Me, a doctor! And everyone else with the careers and the grown-up stuff! Giles! You got married!"

"I'm dating Groo?" Cordelia asked, delighted. "Wonder if that one will still come true. Future stuff? Very cool in my book."

Xander looked only slightly panicked. "So, kids, huh?" he asked nervously. Anya swatted him on the arm.

Angel nudged Buffy. "It's changing again, look."

Buffy turned her eyes back to the fire and found herself, from four years earlier, standing alone.

*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

__

Sunnydale, April, 2001

Buffy stood silently at her mother's grave, the morning sunlight streaming over her shoulders and hitting the freshly turned earth that marked Joyce's final resting-place. The funeral had been just hours ago, and the other mourners had left immediately after. But she couldn't. Leaving meant it was really over. Leaving meant she was really gone. And that meant Buffy was really alone.

Willow and Tara had begged her to come home with them, but she wouldn't.

Xander and Anya had tried to entice her with promises of food and feel-good movies, or, if she'd prefer, a quiet night of memories; but she couldn't.

Giles had been the hardest to deter, but even in the end he too had left her to her thoughts, telling Buffy that in no uncertain terms, he _would_ be by her house first thing the next morning.

After all that, she still hadn't been left to her solitude. Angel had come. He'd been there, holding her through the night. But the threat of the approaching sun ensured that she would end that night as should would many nights afterwards. Alone.

And then the endless evening was over, and day forced its way in with cheerful sunshine that did nothing to warm her. Angel had walked her home, led her up to the steps of the house on Revello, and they said their good-byes. She entered the house, shut the door behind her, and stood in the hallway, remembering how she had done so just days earlier, only to turn to the left and find…

When had things gotten so complicated? She'd dealt with the bad before. She was the Slayer, it was pretty much what her resume said, "Deals with bad." Since coming to Sunnydale she'd faced numerous evils…The Master, Angelus, Principal Snyder, Spike…the Mayor…Faith… And still, these past months had thrown her more so than any other time she could remember. 

How long ago it seemed that she and her friends had thrown an impromptu "back to school" beach party, that they'd dealt with Dracula, that Joyce had initially gotten sick and Buffy had dropped out of classes to move home so her mother wasn't alone. It had been an eternity since Giles had given her the training room in the back of the shop, since Riley had gotten sick…since he'd left her, his exploits made clear in what Spike had found to be a grand joke, and just another way to hurt the Slayer emotionally since he was unable to physically.

When Giles appeared on her doorstep later that morning, he found her still standing in the hallway. He stayed with her the remainder of the day, taking phone calls and seeing to the duties of daily life until that evening when he was forced to leave. He'd begun teaching night classes at the local university and tonight was the final exam. He'd be gone only a few hours, then come right back, he swore.

For the first time that night, Buffy's eyes registered on him and she smiled softly. "I'm just going to go to bed, Giles. I'll be fine, really. I'll—I'll come to the shop tomorrow," she promised.

For awhile it seemed that Buffy was handling things quite well. She made an effort to be cheerful, kept up her appearance, and spent most of her free time (but really, what part of her time wasn't free these days?) at the Magic Box. And life continued around her.

She missed Riley, but his absence actually made things easier. She wasn't responsible for him now, as she would have felt had they still been dating. Willow and the others were with her as much as possible, even as Buffy withdrew further and further into herself. The only time she truly felt free was when she was slaying, and luckily, the Hell-mouth didn't allow time off for mourning. The town was busy as ever. The threat of a new Big Bad was on the horizon, a demon named Vastlos who had stormed into town in search of some amulet that would unleash an army of hellbeasts sure to end the human race. It was so typical, it was comforting.

So Buffy fought. Tara and Willow continued with UC-Sunnydale, Xander constructed the latest in Sunnydale architecture, Anya and Giles worked at the Magic Box. And Buffy slept all day and hunted all night. The few times she was up to going out, to act like a normal twenty-year-old, she'd made the calls to her friends only to find them too busy with homework or too tired from working all day.

In an odd way, Spike became one of her best companions. They kept the same hours, at least.

The night Willow got hurt, Buffy's life changed in more ways than one. It was rare anymore for the Scoobies (who hadn't referred to themselves as the Scoobies in quite awhile) to patrol with her, but on this night Willow was heading into Spring Break while Tara still had one more exam to study for. Things were actually going well. They were talking, chatting as they had before--when the act of being best friends couldn't have ever been considered an act, when it was natural and easy. But the demon had come from no where, catching them off guard, and Willow was thrown across the cemetery. X-rays later showed four broken ribs and damage to her spleen. Surgery had been long and grueling, and recovery was slow.

It was then that training began to occur without Giles present, and patrolling was strictly a solo job for her anymore. All were forbidden to join her. As Buffy's excuse for the unaccompanied slayage was "I just couldn't stand to lose someone else," her friends were reluctant to object too strongly. For the first few weeks they tailed her, or had Spike do so, but she became so enraged when she found them that it just wasn't worth it, and soon they spent their evenings at home, worrying about her. And eventually they stopped worrying as their own lives began to move more quickly.

Patrolling was only the first thing to go. Eventually Buffy began to beg off from everything. She had no time, nor the patience, for what she termed "frivolous life stuff" anymore. Even hanging at the Bronze was ruled out. Willow dropped in on her at the house in between classes, only to find her friend sleeping after a night of hunting. 

Xander and Giles called her time after time, only to get the machine and leave messages ranging from concern to threats of "I'm coming over there in a half hour if you don't call me back and tell me you didn't fall in the shower." 

Angel called. "Buffy, please, call me. I'm worried about you."

__

Cordelia called. "Buffy, _what_ is your problem? Get your ass on the phone! Angel's all depressed and it's driving me nuts."

Eventually the calls stopped and the doorbell quit ringing.

Interventions were impossible, as proven before, and one-on-one's seemed to do little good. Buffy simply smiled gently at [insert name of concerned friend here] and patted them on the knee. "I'm fine, really. I've just got more focus now."

The foreclosure notice was inevitable. Had she shared her financial problems with her friends, something might have been done, but in the end, Buffy's house was sold at auction, along with most of the items in it. What money was left, after paying the bank, afforded her a tiny room in the same hotel Faith had used in the months before the Mayor had swept in.

Her friends were in shock when she told them, just a week before the auction.

"Sold?" Willow gasped.

"What? How?!" Xander demanded.

Buffy shrugged. She'd wandered into the Magic Box on a rainy Thursday afternoon to find Willow, Xander, Anya and Giles. It was the first time her friends had seen her in weeks. "I don't have any money. It's pretty simple."

"How can you be so lax about this, Buffy?" Giles asked her, shock on his face. "I would have helped--"

"You don't have that kind of money, Giles. And all of mom's money went to paying her bills," Buffy said simply. "It's too much house for just me, anyway."

She looked worn. Thinner than she'd ever been, pale, lifeless.

"Buffy…what…what are you going to do?" Willow asked, concern in her eyes. Buffy'd shut her out so long ago but the pain was fresh.

Buffy jerked a shoulder. "Dunno. Get an apartment or something. Get a job."

"I can't believe this. You should have said something. You should have told us," Xander chastised. 

"So…what? We could go around the neighborhood collecting change in a tin cup?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "Save the Slayer Fund?"

"We would have done something!" He turned to Giles. "Giles, doesn't the Watcher's Council have some sort of slush fund for Slayers?"

Giles was still stunned by the news. He blinked a few times before answering Xander. "Um—no, no, they don't. Not that I know of."

Buffy shrugged again.

*~*~*

****

Dawn gasped. "You lost the house?"

Buffy stared from her to the fire. "I—I guess so," she apologized.

"This is insane. No way," Xander said, shaking his head. "No way would we just let that happen."

"But we didn't know," Willow said quietly.

*~*~*
**__**

FLASH!

Sunnydale, 2004

Buffy trudged through her afternoon routine by heading over to the sink that served as her kitchen and her bathroom in the one-room apartment. She never rose before 4pm anymore, but mornings felt the same no matter what time of day they occurred. Blearily she went through the steps. Turn on hot water. Wait five minutes for it to become luke-warm. Hold mug under. Strain tea bag. Sit on bed. Stare at wall. In about ten minutes she'd flick on the television, if it chose to work today, and watch anything that happened to be on, as long as there was noise. In a few hours, when it was dark, she'd venture out to the streets, hunt a vampire or two, or a demon if she was lucky, and she'd go home. Tomorrow would be the same.

*~*~*

****

"That's me?! Buffy cried, staring at the ragged girl in the flames. "What am I? Poster-girl for the homeless?"

The image of her wasn't pretty. She was thin, gaunt even, and walking around in stained, baggy clothing. Her hair was thrust back into a messy ponytail and appeared to not have been washed in several days, if not weeks.

"And check out the place," Xander murmured. The hotel room she was living in was sparse and dirty. Cockroaches skittered over the matted down rugs and there were holes in several of the walls. A single light bulb barely lit the room. Perhaps that was better.

"I can't—no. No way," Buffy whispered, detached. Dawn wrapped an arm around her.

*~*~*

This day's routine changed when her ten-minute wall-stare was interrupted with a knock on the door. Her eyes ticked suspiciously to the where the sound had come from and she rose after a moment. Pausing before she unlatched the dead bolt she tentatively opened the door.

Brown eyes looked back at her, and widened. "Jesus. Look at you."

"What are---what are _you_ doing here?"

"Thought I'd come by and check out my old place. Just miss that smell of mold and garbage," was the retort. "You gonna let me in or what? Relax. I'm not here to kill you."

Buffy stared at the girl on the other side of the door for a moment before moving aside and letting her walk through.

"Faith, what do you want? I'm not in the mood for another fight-to-the-death thing."

Faith grinned and threw both arms wide. "You got it all wrong, girlfriend. I'm a white knight now, comin' in and helping the good fight, just like you always wanted for me." Casually she began to stroll around the room. "Gotta say, B. You've slid down a long way from Suburban Living."

Buffy jerked her shoulder in what was now a typical reaction. "Yeah, well. Things happen. People change."

Faith was watching her carefully, then smiled. "And we're both living proof of that, aren't we?"

"What do you want, Faith?" Buffy asked obnoxiously.

"Got a busy day of moping, planned? Late to _not_ hang out with someone?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

Faith cocked an eyebrow. "Is that a fact? Well, you know me. Always gettin' involved where I shouldn't. Come on," she said, taking Buffy's arm.

"Wha—I'm not going anywhere!" Buffy cried, ripping her arm back.

Faith put both hands on her hips. "Ding ding! Well, you got one right, sister."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Have you looked around lately? 'Cause I know for sure you haven't looked in a mirror lately. Ragamuffin? Not your best look ever. I hear it's out for fall anyway."

"You came here to give me fashion tips."

"No, I came here to look you up after all these years, and what do I find but someone else living in your house and all your friends are MIA. Luckily, Willy at the bar still keeps tabs on the Slayers in town. Gave me your addy."

"I'll be sure to thank Willy with a good decapitation." Buffy headed to the front door but Faith grabbed her arm as she flew past.

"Ok, look. I'm no good at subtle. I saw Angel. Swung through LA on my way here. He filled me in. Buffy, talk to me. I know I haven't exactly been Susie-Next-Door, but I think I'm the closest thing to a friend you've still got."

"And what do we have to talk about? Nothing. See ya."

Faith's eyes narrowed. "Fine. You don't talk. You listen. Look at you! You're a mess! Not that I didn't think your look couldn't stand to be kicked up a notch before, but this is like a complete reversal of who you used to be. When's the last time you really washed your hair? Or styled it in anything but that ratty-ass pony-tail? Remember what makeup is? Remember clothes? Real, actual clothes? Stuff that you didn't pick up from Goodwill?"

"When did you get so high and mighty, prison bitch?" Buffy snapped. "Did you find redemption in jail, Faith? Did you find clarity? 'Cause while you were in there, I was out here, living my life until I just couldn't do it anymore. And I don't need you, or anyone else, coming in here and giving me orders like they have any idea what I've been through or where I'm headed now!"

"And where's that? Skid Row? You're living here, B. _Here._ I talked to Xander. He told me about all the crap you've gone through. About your mom. About Giles leaving. About Willow and Tara daring to grow up and have lives that didn't center around the great and powerful Buffy. He and Anya are, like, happy now. A family! And look at you. You could have done anything, and instead, you're here trying to recapture _my_ youth, and you're doing it alone. And you're not even doing it well."

Buffy was not amused. "My mom died, Faith. And then I was alone. You don't know anything about it."

"Don't I, Priss? My mom might still be kickin' around somewhere, but I really don't know. I have no idea where she is. And frankly, right now, I don't care. I don't need her anymore. But I stopped needing her a long, long time ago. That's just the way it was for me. You had _the_ mom, Buffy. Joyce was great. I was so jealous of you for having your little Scooby life, with the mom and the friends and the great guys, and you were better at Slaying than me, you understood it, and I couldn't have that. And I tried blaming everything else, I tried shutting out the world, and look where it put me. First it put me in this room, then it sent me straight into the arms of the Mayor…and then it sent me to LA, and to jail. So, congrats on getting this fine luxury suite. You just took the first step on the Road to Being Me."

"I'm not trying to be you--"

"Then don't, B." Faith's eyes were huge and round. "Don't. Don't be me. Look around. You know this isn't right. You know you're miserable."

"We're supposed to be miserable. And alone. We're Slayers."

"Yeah, that line of thinking went right out the window after you got Called. You had friends, you had it all…and you're the oldest living Slayer, ever, because of that. But this lifestyle? If the cockroaches and the asbestos don't kill you, the job's gonna. You can't do it alone." She paused for a moment, letting her words die in the air. "Aren't you tired, Buffy? Aren't you sick of being alone? Of having no one?"

Buffy wanted to cover her ears to block it all out. She hadn't asked for this. She didn't want it.

"B," Faith implored. "Listen to me. I've been there. I've seen where you are, and it's ugly. And it doesn't have to be."

Buffy held up a hand to stop her. When she raised her eyes Faith saw there were tears of frustration in them. "Why are you here?"

Faith stared at her for a moment, then dropped her arms to her sides, defeated…for now. "I got sprung a few years back," she said easily, sitting on the sagging mattress. "This hellgod named Glory went to India, looking for this Key thing that some monks had shoved into this goat farmer…and it's a long story. Short version, she opened some portals, lots of bad stuff came out and you were in your 'not-answering the phone' stage for so long that the Council seemed to think the only choice they had was to spring me. So I went to India. Wild country," she grinned.

"And did you win?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" Faith asked. "Glory got to go home, good riddance, I killed off the stuff that snuck its way here, the Council sent some magic recovery team to finish off the stuff I couldn't…and now I'm here."

"Are you staying?"

Faith watched her with wise eyes. "I've been asked to."

A beat.

Buffy's eyes closed. "Because I'm not doing my job."

"No…because two Slayers are better than one. But I think the Council thought you might want a break. To retire."

Buffy's entire body stiffened and Faith caught it.

"I told them I didn't think you'd go for that, no matter what you'd matriculated down to." Buffy's eyes raised to hers and Faith grinned. "What? Surprised I'd stick up for you?"

Buffy shook her head. "Surprised you used the word matriculated, and correctly, at that," she corrected.

Faith's smile widened and she jumped to her feet.

"Get showered, get dressed, throw on some Maybelline and let's go. You could use a good fight right about now. Wanna spar? I'm itchin' to kick your butt."

Buffy remained where she was, staring at the floor. Faith wanted her to leave the room, to go out there and pretend everything was okay…that she was just a normal girl and she lived in the world. A world she'd ignored for so long now.

Faith reached the door and turned to see Buffy hadn't moved. "Scared?"

Buffy looked up and after a moment, nodded. "But not that you're going to kick my butt."

Faith mocked surprise. "Did you make a joke? Did I, Faith, rogue-Slayer extrordinaire just make YOU, the mighty Buff, tease me?"

Buffy stood up and crossed to the window, glancing out at the now dying sunlight. "I don't know if I can."

Faith moved to stand next to her, pushing back a piece of stray hair from Buffy's eyes. "All I'm asking you to do is come outside with me. That's it. One step."

*~*~*

****

"That's enough," Dawn whispered.

"Wow…of all the people…Faith," Buffy stammered.

Xander's eyes were wide. "Who knew?"

"Glory still came, just not to Sunnydale. Lots of stuff was the same," Willow murmured.

Dawn shook her head, tears in her eyes. "Buffy wasn't. You guys weren't. You weren't even friends. Wow…I…I'm that important?"

"Do you think the Powers knew what was going to happen to your mom, Buffy? That they sent Dawn to you on purpose, so this wouldn't happen? 'Cause in the other world, it didn't sound like the Key was anyone special," Cordelia wondered.

The group considered this for a moment before Jackter spoke up. "Well?"

Dawn met his eyes and shook her head.

"Who is next?"


	8. Xander

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.
Rating: PG
    
    Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

Editor's Note: So. Xander. He's fun, he's lovable, he's kooky. And his episode was the hardest damn chapter of a fic we've ever had to write. We have no idea why. Robin and I loved the "what if" idea for this episode, and in fact, wrote it six or seven different ways - complete chapters here, mind you - and finally settled on this one. So, we hope we made the right choice, and that this storyline and characterization remains true without coming off to be too B/A, which this fiction isn't supposed to be. But...it's hard to ignore some history, isn't it? So...enjoy. 

* * *

"Who will go next?" Jackter asked the group, having now given up the hopes that maybe someone would decline. He sank tiredly onto a tree stump and awaited the next request. 

The group was silent, as everyone looked around at those who still hadn't seen their alternate path. 

Of the Los Angeles gang, only Angel and Gunn were left. They glanced uncomfortably at the faces of the remaining Sunnydale forces - Tara, Buffy, Giles, and Xander. 

It was he who now spoke. "I'll go," Xander said quietly, moving away from the circle and closer to the fire and Jackter. "Show me." 

"What do you want to see?" the demon asked him. 

Xander swallowed and turned to face his friends, his eyes on the ground. "I've been thinking about this for the last hour or so…There's not a lot in my life I'd take back. The good or the bad." His eyes shifted in turn to each of his friends, including Cordelia, who smiled kindly at him. "I wasn't lucky enough to be adopted," he joked to Wesley, "and until Buffy came here, my life wasn't all that exciting. It was just me and Willow and Jesse, in our oh-so-normal normalcy." 

He coughed now, clearing his throat as though he was embarrassed. "I've got great friends, and I've loved four wonderful women." In turn his eyes fell on Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, and finally Anya, and with her his gaze steadied. "And I never once want to know what might have happened if I hadn't found you." Anya looked vastly relieved. 

"At first I thought I'd like to see what my life would be like now if I'd been able to save Jesse. Jesse, Willow and I were best friends until Darla turned him into a vampire…and I staked him. He was the first vampire I ever dusted. Right after Buffy came to Sunnydale and changed my life." Cordelia and 

Willow exchanged a fond glance of remembrance and Buffy squeezed Dawn's hand. "But now there's something else I'd like to see. Something I did a long time ago, and I've always wondered…no, that's not true. I've always tried to forget this. Because remembering means I can admit I did something that may have changed the way things went. The way the world went. Our world." 

"Xander, what are you talking about?" Anya asked, worriedly. 

Xander gave her a lop-sided smile and turned to Angel. "It's no secret we haven't always gotten along. I'm protective of my women. And I know you are too…I've never faulted you for that. It's one of the few things I could respect about you." 

Angel cocked an eyebrow and waited. 

"So…now I've complimented you, in a backhanded kinda way, in the hopes that you won't kill me for what I'm about to say." A beat. "Back at the end of Junior year…when you'd changed back to Angelus, Willow was in the hospital. Ms. Calendar was dead. I had a broken arm. And Buffy was devastated beyond anything. You, Spike and Drusilla were plotting to end the world with that stony demon guy. And Willow wanted to try the spell again to bring back your soul. She sent me after Buffy, to warn her and to rescue Giles. So I went. And I found Buffy on her way to the mansion to stop you." 

He paused for a moment, turning to Buffy. "I was stupid, Buff. I know that now. I was so tired of seeing you get hurt…and so much of it revolved around Angel…" 

Buffy eyes were wide. "What did you do, Xander?" she asked quietly. 

"I met you on the street…and I told you something. Do you remember? A message from Willow." 

Buffy thought back. "You told me Willow said, 'kick his ass.'" 

Xander's eyes leveled with hers. 

"But…but I didn't say that," Willow gasped. "I wouldn't have said that. I told Xander to try and stall 

Buffy until the spell worked." 

"I know, Will," Xander said softly, sick with nerves now. "But I didn't. I was stupid, and petty, and I wanted him dead because at the time… Ms. Calendar was dead and Giles was a mess…you were hurt, I was hurt…all because of Angel." He hung his head now, not daring to look up. 

"So you didn't tell Buffy about the spell. She could have prevented him from awakening Acathla, and you didn't tell her," Giles muttered. 

"Angel might not have gone to Hell," Buffy whispered, her face ashen. "I might have been able to hold him off long enough for Willow's spell to go through. He went to Hell. For a hundred years." 

Angel said nothing. His expression indicated emotions from rage to confusion to hurt. 

Xander hung his head even further, ashamed to look his friends in the eye. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 

It's horrible and selfish. I know that now. This is my only chance to change things. My only chance to make it better. You deserve to know. I don't know if things would be different if I'd told her. I'm not sure I want to. But I'm never going to get another chance like this. And…I think that if it's better…it's yours. You can have that world." 

"What?!" Anya cried. "No! Xander!" 

He looked up at her. "I owe that to them, Anya," he said, determination ringing in his voice. He turned to Jackter before anyone else could say anything. "Show me. Now." 

Cinder and ash, flame and fire, 

'Tis the other's life to see we desire 

Two roads before us, but one to take 

Show the other, the choice not made. 

* * *

****

*FLASH!* 

Sunnydale, May, 1998 

Buffy stomped down the street, heading for the mansion, the blessed sword that Kendra had given her clamped fast in her left hand, wrapped in a dark cloth. There was a noise to her right and 

suddenly a body stumbled towards her from the hillside. 

"Xander!" she cried. 

He righted himself. "Calvary's here. Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here." He held out the rock sheepishly and Buffy almost grinned, but instead pulled out a stake and handed it to him. "This is better," he agreed, tossing away the rock and continuing down the road with her. 

"You're not here to fight." Buffy told him, completely no-nonsense. "You get Giles out of there and run like Hell, understood? I can't protect you. I'm gonna be too busy killing." 

She paused for just a moment to unwrap the sword and reveal it to Xander. 

"That's a new look for you," he commented nervously. 

Buffy gave the sword a hard stare. "It's a present for Angel. This ends it, Xander. I'm ready." 

She continued down the road when Xander grabbed her arm, stopping her. "Willow. . . she said to tell you. . ." 

He paused and Buffy sighed impatiently. "Tell me what?" 

* * *

"This is it," Xander muttered. 

* * *

"She said to tell you she's trying the spell again. No questions," he said quickly when Buffy opened her mouth to object. "Pulled the infamous resolve face on us and we were powerless. Scooby Kryptonite." 

Buffy's body sagged for a moment. "So stall him, huh?" 

Xander swallowed nervously. "Uh huh. Think you can?" 

"To save his soul?" Buffy stared at the sword in her hand. "Yeah, I think I can manage that." 

They continued to the mansion and discovered Angelus had already begun the spell that would release Acathla. 

"Acathla. Mundatus sum. Pro te necavi. Sanguinem meum pro te effundam, quo me dignum esse demonstrem," he chanted, walking towards the statue, determined. Behind him, Dru was giddily observing, and Spike, in his wheelchair, looked bored. 

Drusilla handed Angelus a knife and he slit his palm, the blood dripping onto the floor. He got closer to Acathla, was reaching for the sword that would start the ritual, when Buffy entered. 

"Hello lover," she said stonily. And it was on. 

The fight began quickly, with Spike taking out Angelus initially, and high-tailing it over to Drusilla whom he knocked unconscious and drug out of the mansion. Angelus staggered to his feet in the hall and whirled wildly, looking for the Slayer. 

Just feet from him Buffy unveiled her sword with a gleam in her eye and Angelus swallowed, eyes darting quickly in search of a weapon. Acathla was too far to reach before Buffy would strike. 

Thinking quickly he leapt up onto a wall and pulled down a decorative, yet still quite useful, battle sword. Throwing himself into the fight, at the same time trying to steer his way to Acathla to complete the ritual, he found that Buffy was more than ready for him. 

"Guess all those sparring matches really taught you my style, huh Buff?" he taunted. 

She glared at him while parrying with the best of them. "And a few new things," she quipped, jumping up and off a fountain to land behind him, thrusting her sword out and stabbing him in the shoulder. Angelus cried out in pain and turned on her. 

"First blood, congratulations," he hissed, and lunged at her. She dodged him quickly, and spun, striking out and defending herself as she'd been taught to…by both Angel and Giles. Blades of steel flashed furiously as the Champion and the Chosen fought for domination. And steadily Buffy pushed Angelus as far back from Acathla as possible. 

"You'll never beat me, Buffy. You'll never make it. You can't kill me," he called, pulling at her heart, knowing emotionally he could wound her if he was unable to physically. 

"You're very wrong about that," she shot back as they circled each other. 

"I'm going to finish the ritual," he promised. 

"Maybe," she countered. "But you have to get through me first, Angel. Just me." 

"It'll be my pleasure, luv." 

He swung at her with his fist rather than the sword and Buffy ducked, falling to her knees and sliding between his legs to come up behind him. Turning, he swung wildly with the sword and she ducked again, losing her footing and falling backwards only to find herself trapped against the wall. 

Angelus grinned evilly at her and moved in, raising his sword above her, posed to strike. 

Suddenly Angelus stumbled and his eyes filled with yellow light, glowing eerily. He gasped and fell to his knees, the sword clattering to the ground. Buffy arched up on her elbows, backing up as far from him as possible. She witnessed the magic going through him, saw the moment his soul reentered his body. And then he looked upon her with Angel's eyes, full of concern and confusion, but no hate, no evil. 

"Buffy?" he gasped, panting from the pain. 

Buffy stared at him skeptically and reached for his sword, kicking it to her and jumping to her feet, poised, sure this was a trick of light. 

Angel rose to his feet shakily. "What's---where are we?" 

She continued to stare at him, the sword becoming heavy in her hand. 

"I don't remember…everything's so…" He glanced around. "What is this?" 

She blinked dumbly and he moved to her. "We're…sparring? No…we're…God, I feel like I—I haven't seen you in forever," he stammered, reaching for her and enveloping her in his arms. Tears began to fall from her eyes. 

* * *

"Here," Angel whispered to Buffy, handing her a handkerchief, and she smiled sheepishly, wiping at the tears sliding down her cheeks, mirroring her image in the flames. 

The expression on Xander's face was one of horror and tears filled his own eyes as well. Unable to speak, he continued to watch. 

* * *

****

*FLASH!* 

Sunnydale, September, 1998 

Buffy snuggled in more closely to Angel's chest as they lay back, leaning against the headstone in one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. Closing her eyes, she sighed happily. "What a summer." 

He made a noise of agreement. "Nice, though." 

"Very." 

"I'm so glad you're here," she murmured. 

He smiled and stroked her hair. "Me too." 

"Sending you to Hell would have been a real drag," she joked, nestling herself closer to him and he wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her hair. Her tone had been light, but they both knew that the events of that night still tore at both their hearts. 

"For both of us," he said softly, thinking of Giles just then. Giles, still not entirely forgiving of Angel's exploits under the guise of Angelus, and rightfully so, was reluctant to spend too much time around the vampire. The pain was still too great. 

"I don't think I can ever thank Willow enough for coming through with that spell in time." 

"How's she doing, with the magic?" he asked. 

Buffy's eyes popped open. "Ok, I guess. She's really gotten into it. Almost burned her house down last week," she grinned. 

Angel suppressed a smile. "She needs to be careful with that stuff, Buffy," he warned. "Magic is a very dangerous tool. And she's young." 

Buffy sighed again. "I know. And I think she knows. But it's exciting for her right now, everything's new, and she seems to have a talent for it, so…I'm being encouraging Buffy." 

"Is this a private party?" someone said from behind them, and they both jumped. 

"Hey, Will, Oz," the couple said in stereo. 

"So much for vamp and Slayer senses. If we were some bad guys, we'd have taken you," Willow teased happily, plunking down next to her friends. 

"Easily," Buffy admitted, sitting up, but not removing herself from Angel's lap. 

"How goes the slaying tonight?" Oz asked, taking a seat next to Willow. 

"Slow. We were talking about this summer. I think this qualifies as the best ever," Buffy informed them. 

Willow nodded happily. "And there's still a whole week until school starts. I'm just glad you didn't go to LA this summer. Last year it was so boring without you around." 

Buffy smiled at her best friend. "Yeah, well, I'd like to have seen my dad, but I can't say that spending a relaxing summer with you guys qualifies as a bad." She looked down at her hands and grinned even more broadly. "Plus, this year's gonna be great. We're all paired up…Me and Angel, Xander and Cordelia…you and Oz…" 

"We're Seniors now…" 

"Freedom…" 

"Off to college soon…" 

"More freedom…" 

The group fell into a comfortable silence as they dreamed about the things the future held for them. 

"But this summer had its high-points," Willow added. 

"Yeah," Oz chimed in. "Beach parties…barbecues…a few crazy nights at the Bronze…" 

Willow bounced. "And the Fourth of July was awesome!" 

"The best," Buffy agreed. "Your fireworks show was incredible. You're getting pretty good with the 

magic stuff. Like our own little Sabrina, minus the silly talking cat." 

Willow blushed, but grinned. "It's easy…and it's so fun, Buffy. I didn't think this would ever be something I'd get into, but after that spell to cure Angel…I just can't get enough," she admitted. 

Angel gave her a knowing look. "Just be careful. I know you're having fun, but it's dangerous stuff, Willow. Don't get in too deep." 

Willow crossed her heart. "Promise. It's strictly a back-burner activity." 

Satisfied, Buffy returned her thoughts to the upcoming school year. "I am so not looking forward to facing Snyder this year. The man's vile." 

"He just has it out for you, Buff. We'll try to stay out of his way this year." 

"His way's the only way, though. And somehow I seen to have rooted myself firmly in the middle of his way," the Slayer moaned. 

"Well…we'll just sic Cordelia on him," Oz grinned. 

Buffy laughed. "That should do it. Speaking of which, is she back from her trip yet?" 

Oz shrugged. "Hadn't made plans to look into that, but I'm guessing no since Xander's still pretty much camping out on her doorstep. He said he'd show tonight, though." 

"And he tells the truth," a voice came from behind them. The group turned around to find Xander coming towards them, an arm draped around the shoulders of Cordelia Chase. 

"Hey guys!" Buffy called. "How was your summer, Cordelia?" 

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Ugh. The trip was a nightmare. Las Palmas is the land of dread. I wanted to go to St. Kits, but do my parents listen? Honestly, a night of hanging out in a graveyard sounds so much better than going back there. And I never thought I'd say that." She rolled her eyes again and sighed disgustedly, then perked up. "And then, of course, I find this on my stoop when I get home. Did you live there this summer?" she grinned, pointing to Xander. 

He smiled back. "I told you. I was just out for a walk." 

"That excuse never works," Angel told him. "Trust me." 

"So! Hail hail, the gang's all here," Xander quipped as he and Cordelia took a patch of the blanket Buffy and Willow had lain out. 

"Ready for school, everyone?" Cordy asked. Her question was met with groans. 

"We need a campfire," Buffy said wistfully. "And some s'mores." 

"But no singing," Oz requested. "Brings back nightmares of Oak Knoll Summer Camp." 

Willow's eyes grew round. "Say no more! Fuerista!" she called, with a wave of her hand, and instantly a nice, small fire popped up next to them. 

"Wow!" Cordelia cried, scooting back from the flames just a bit. "When did you learn to do that?" 

Willow rocked from side to side, pleased with herself. "This summer. I've been researching 

everything I can on Wiccan lore. It's so interesting." 

"Where's the chocolate?" Buffy complained with a grin. 

*~*~* 

The summer ended and school began, bringing with it a torrent of activity on the Hellmouth, all of it 

keeping the Slayer busy. With Kendra's death called Faith as the next Slayer, and she burst onto the Sunnydale scene with fire in her eyes. She was as spicy a Slayer as Kendra had been mechanical, and was sometimes the bane of Buffy's existence, but even the elder Slayer had to admit that having her around was useful and sometimes even fun. Gwendolyn Post came, fought, and lost. Wesley arrived, as did Mr. Trick. 

Willow's power increased almost daily, to a point where it was sometimes scary, and the gang begged her to be careful. Giles, now slowly beginning to accept Angel back into the fold, was very concerned about her but she was too immersed to pay much attention. She spent most of the school year heavily involved in trying to find a spell to control Oz's wolf persona, unsuccessfully. 

It was revealed that the Mayor was involved in some shady dealings, and Buffy's heart was broken when Faith switched sides and joined his team. The hurt turned to anger when Faith began attacking the Scooby gang, but that came to an abrupt halt when she dared to mess with Willow. Kidnapped and held in City Hall, Willow unleashed some of her more serious powers on the Slayer, almost killing her, and everyone else in the building. It took days for the little Wiccan to recover. 

But good prevailed in the end, and, despite some slight blowing-up of the high school, everyone was well. Cordelia and Xander had split up about half-way through the year, remaining friends, but 

Willow and Oz were still going strong. And Buffy had Angel. 

And the school year ended as quickly as it began. New things were on the horizon, namely, college. Buffy, Willow and Oz would be attending U.C. Sunnydale. Xander had elected to join the work forces directly from high school and eventually settled on construction, learning he had an aptitude for woodworking and carpentry. Cordelia had left Sunnydale abruptly at the end of the school year and headed out for stardom in Los Angeles. So far, no one had heard from her. 

****

Sunnydale, November, 1999 

Having deposited Buffy on her doorstep after a night of heavy slaying Angel strolled through the cemetery on his way back to the mansion, enjoying what everyone termed "a good brood." This year things were heating up with some Army brats that were haunting the campus, along with the return of Angel's grand-one, Spike, an unwelcome visitor to the Sunnydale area. And Willow was becoming more erratic with her magic usage, enough to worry the Scoobies, especially Oz, immensely. Last week she'd gone out on her own against a small cluster of Heplit demons, and had Xander not stumbled across them she would have ended up dead, not knowing that Heplit are impervious to most magics. 

His thoughts were interrupted a moment later by the snap of a twig somewhere nearby. Vampire senses went on alert and his body tensed, reaching out to whatever lurked. It was to his right, he was sure. Could hear its heartbeat. Stealthily he rounded a tree, shadowing himself with the night until he was ready, and then he leapt, landing in front of the crouching figure about twenty feet away. 

"Ahh!" it screamed and Angel found himself looking into the bright blue eyes of a mortal man. 

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph you scared the blood out of me," the man gasped, trying to adjust his jacket around Angel's hands, gripping firmly on his lapel. "Which I guess you'd rather enjoy, now that I 

think of it," he added. 

"Who are you?" Angel growled, still wary. 

The man grinned. "Oh, come on now…let's see those Irish eyes a'smilin!" he joked, and for the first time Angel noticed that the man himself had a think Irish brogue. "Relax…I'm not going to hurt you, big man." 

Angel did not loosen his hold on the man's collar. "Great. You still haven't answered me. Who are you and what do you want?" 

* * *

Cordelia gasped. "Doyle." 

* * *

"Name's Doyle. And I'm here for you, my friend. You're late." 

"What?" 

"You're late. You were supposed to be in Los Angeles months ago. I've been waiting around there, doing my duty, for nothing. Got boring. Thought I'd come search you out." 

"Who sent you?" Angel asked, his voice very low, and then a scent caught the wind and he sniffed. 

"You don't smell human," he said, his eyes narrowing. 

"Hey, chill out. I'll have you know I'm very much human…on my mother's side. And there's no mob hit out on ya. We don't do that kinda thing. Besides, I've never known the mob to be interested in a vampire with a soul," Doyle told him simply. 

Angel's hands dropped to his sides. "How do you know what I am?" 

"This scene ringing any bells with you? Sounding a little bit familiar?" Doyle asked. Angel didn't answer him and Doyle continued. "Think back with me…1996…rainy night in New York…some guy with a fedora walks up to you out of nowhere and insults you?" 

"Whistler," Angel murmured. 

"Bingo! Now ya got it! Me and him works for the same powers. _The_ Powers, actually. The Powers That Be. The big mojo gurus in the sky that sorta steer things on the right path and watch over everything at the same time. They got it out for you, in the you've-got-a-destiny way. You must be pretty big for them to get involved twice now." 

Angel took a step back, but his expression didn't become any more friendly. "What do they want? Why did they send you?" 

"Look," Doyle began, "I don't ask questions. I'm here to help you out, talk to you. Apparently the Powers think you're supposed to be doing something else with your life, I'm here to give you that option, show ya the way, so to speak. Like with Whistler. I'll show, you decide." 

"I like it here. I'm doing something with my life here," Angel began to protest, emphasis on the word "here." 

"You like that a certain gorgeous blonde is here," Doyle corrected. "Let me ask you something. 

What are you so involved in, specifically? From what I've seen, you spend your days doing not much more than reading drab poetry and hanging around like a _vampire_ in that cold mansion of yours. And at night, you help out the Slayer--not that I blame you…she's got quite the set of…eyes," he stammered when Angel looked ready to rip his throat out. "What I'm getting at, and there _is_ a point here, you could be doing a lot more. Sunnydale's covered, mate. Got all the super-hero strength it needs." 

"I'm not listening to this. I'm happy here. For the first time that I can remember, I'm happy and I'm doing something. I followed their suggestion once, and I thank them for that, but tell your Powers I'm done relocating at their will," Angel told him, turning and walking away. 

Doyle followed and changed the subject. "That hottie Cordelia's in Los Angeles, Angel. She doesn't know it, but she's waiting for you, like I was. And she's doing a lot worse. The princess came down off the pedestal pretty hard. You should see it." 

Angel sighed as Doyle joined him in his march across the cemetery. "That's too bad," he said sincerely. 

"It is too bad, isn't it? I mean, she went to LA to become an star, and she was almost a dead actress without you there…but we intervened and she's still kicking around Skid Row. " 

Angel stopped abruptly. "What's your point again?" 

"My point is…give me a chance. I might be able to help you out. I've been sent…" 

"..By the Powers That Be to show me my path. You know what?" He pointed down the block. "My path is this way. To my house. And my bed. Where I will sleep until mid-afternoon. And then I will read some drab poetry and hang around." 

"And then you'll go out alternately hunting and smooching with the Slayer." 

"What does she have to do with this?" Angel growled. 

Doyle arched an eyebrow. "Now I'm getting somewhere. I hate to say it, I'm a sucker for romance, especially the whole star-crossed lovers thing you two have going. It's beautiful. But I also know that it's eating you up inside, every time you're with her, every time you hold her. All those things you 

can't give her." Doyle began to lazily circle Angel. "And deep down, she knows it too. You're living on borrowed time here, buddy." 

The vampire was silent, which encouraged Doyle to continue. 

"I'm on your side, Angel. I really am. But I'm also on their side, the Powers' side. You've been thinking about the future lately. That's why they sent me. They know too. At best, your future with the Slayer is sketchy. I also happen to know that lately, you've been thinking about leaving. Thing is, you were supposed to do that months ago. You're late, as I've said from the beginning." Doyle paused. "You've got a choice. You can let me come home with you, and tell you what I know, and you can make up your mind from there…or you can tell me to bugger off and hit the highway. And I'll leave, but then you'll never know what's to come, what could have been." 

Angel stared at him. 

****

*FLASH!* 

December, 1999 

"Doyle! Can you help me with this?" Willow called as she struggled to reach something on the top shelf of one of Giles' bookshelves. 

Doyle grinned. "I'd be glad ta, darlin', but I've so been enjoying the view here," he teased, leering appreciatively at her backside as she stretched to reach a book. 

She threw him a mock-glare over her shoulder and he rose off the couch to help her. Doyle had appeared out of nowhere, or so it had seemed, and Angel introduced him simply as an old friend. 

The truth of the matter was, Doyle had refused to leave and kept popping up at inopportune times. 

A story had been required while Angel waded through all the information the half-demon had given him…and while he sorted through the thoughts about his future in Sunnydale that had started plaguing his mind. 

"Couldn't you have just mojo'd it down?" Doyle asked Willow, handing her the book she'd desired. 

Willow glanced at the kitchen where the rest of the gang were diving into research snacks. "Everyone's getting kinda testy with that stuff lately," she admitted with a whisper. 

"Ah," he murmured, granting her a knowing wink. 

"But that's all going to change soon," she said mysteriously, and walked away. 

"You can't imagine, Giles. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure it was alien, but there's no real telling about that kind of stuff," Buffy moaned as she and her Watcher walked back into the main room. 

"What did it look like again?" 

"Pinkish and blobby. Like congealed Pepto. Or maybe what the Pepto looks like after it comes back up," she told him, wrinkling her nose. "And they called it, "Jello-salad." 

Doyle grinned. Coulda been demon-talk, but no. Cafeteria food. It was nice to be among real people again. Buffy and her crowd were certainly fun. He understood why Angel was reluctant to leave, despite knowing that he had no future with the Slayer. But they were running out of time, and the Powers were growing displeased. 

The door opened suddenly and Oz walked in, looking none too happy. He walked directly to 

Willow, all but ignoring the greetings he received from the others. 

"I need to talk to you," he told her low and angry, not meeting her eyes. 

"Su-sure…what's up?" she asked worriedly. 

"Not here…outside," he requested, and it was obvious he was holding back his anger. 

Willow threw her friends a nervous glance and left the flat with him. 

"What was all that about?" Xander asked, flopping down on the couch. "Oz was actually showing an emotion there for a sec." 

Buffy cast a worried eye to the door. "Dunno." 

"Yes, well…shall we attend to the business at hand?" Giles asked. "I'm sure they'll rejoin us in a moment." 

The group snapped to attention. "The Commando guys. Well, we know Riley's one of them…and we know Spike's all chipped." Buffy began. 

"And there's something called 3-14, but no one has a clue what that means yet," Angel offered. "I've got everyone I know working on it. Something will turn up. Doyle hasn't had a vision about it, so maybe it's nothing." 

Buffy glanced at him curiously. He'd been twitchy lately, especially today, avoiding her eyes and acting somewhat uncomfortable around her, distant. Dismissing it for the moment, she turned back to the conversation at hand. 

"And I'm still working on trying to find this secret military lab and get access," Buffy told them. 

"But it's a little hard when you can't even find the lab." 

"Hence the secret part," Anya added helpfully. 

"Angel and I will patrol some more tonight, see if we can scope out anything, maybe find some GI Joe's and tail them back to the bunker." 

"This whole secret-military operations thingy is giving me the wig," Xander admitted. "I saw _The Manchurian Candidate,_ I'm hip to this stuff." 

Buffy threw him a look. "Calm yourself. We'll get to the bottom of it. And maybe Willow can work up some magic-y locating spell or something." 

"That would be very helpful, thank you," Giles said absently. The sounds of shouting were now coming through his front door from the courtyard just outside, where Oz and Willow were. 

"Perhaps we should check on them?" 

Before anyone could answer, the door to the flat opened and Willow walked in slowly, shock on her tear-stained face. 

"Will?" Buffy asked, moving to her best friend. 

"He—Oz—He left." 

"Left...left where, honey?" 

"Left. Left me." 

"What?!" Buffy cried, glancing up at Xander. "What are you talking about?" 

Willow let out a tiny sob and covered her mouth with her hand, trying to control herself. "I tried a spell…on him. I didn't tell him about it. It's to control the wolf. But it backfired. And he turned in the middle of the day…on campus!" 

"Oh my God," Buffy muttered, and put an arm around her friend. "Was anyone hurt?" 

Willow shook her head as her body was wracked with sobs. "N-n-no. But he's mad. Because I didn't tell him…and be-because I used magic on him. He said I had no right to do that, to try and control something he doesn't even understand himself." 

Buffy glanced up helplessly at their friends while Willow cried on her shoulder, leaning heavily on the Slayer. "I'm sure he…didn't mean it," she said, unconvincing. Willow'd finally gone too far…they had all known this day was coming. 

****

*FLASH!* 

"I don't understand," Buffy whispered. "Was there some kind of memo sent out about this? 

'National Break-Up Day...everyone, prepare to rip out the heart of the person you love?'" 

"I know my timing is awful...but there's never a good time for this...I'm sorry. But, I have to. For you, for us. This isn't fair. It's not right," Angel told her, begging her to understand. 

"Who are you to decide that?" she asked, tears escaping. 

"I love you. You know that. That hasn't changed. _But we have._ Buffy…I can't do this to you. You have a life here that can't revolve around me. You have school and your friends, your mom and your sister…you're nineteen years old." 

"I don't buy that excuse." 

He sighed and pushed back the chair he'd been leaning against. "Look at yourself, Buffy. You're talking about quitting school. You're making plans for our future…a future that can't happen. And I'm being selfish. I haven't said anything for so long because I don't think I can stand to be apart from you. But we have to. You deserve more. You deserve better. I've loved you for years, and I have no right to." 

"This is about Doyle, isn't it? He's convinced you to do this. I know why he's here. I know he wants you to come to Los Angeles. I heard you one night, talking," she admitted. "Running away to be a super-hero, Angel?" she asked bitterly. 

"That isn't it, Buffy. I love you. I'll always love you. But you have to think this through," he pleaded. 

"Do you know what our future will be like?" he asked her gently. "You will grow up and grow older. And I'll stay young, forever. We'll fight the demons until you're too old to, and then we won't even have that anymore. We can't get married…I'm not a real person. I don't have any identification. I don't have a birth certificate. I don't exist in the eyes of the law. Without any of that, we can't adopt children. Your life with me will be empty. It'll end up killing you." 

"No!" she shouted. "No. My life with you would be perfect. It's perfect _now._ It can be in the future!" 

"It can't, Buffy, don't you see? I love you. God, I love you. But it's already changing! You're ready to throw your life away for me. For _me!_ You take stupid risks because you're so sure I'm going to be there to bail you out. You're getting lazy with your studies so you can come to the mansion and sleep in my bed, in a bed where we can do little more than lay side by side. I can't let you dedicate your life to something that isn't going to last, no matter how long we try to drag it out. No matter how much we love each other." At this point, he too was crying, and angry tears streaked down his face. 

She wrapped her arms around herself, blocking out his words. 

"I'm leaving. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. You can't know. You'll never know. It's killing me to say this. To know that I'm never going to touch you again. But I'm going to do it, because I know it's for the best." 

He left her sobbing into her arms, rocking herself gently on her dorm room bed. 

****

*FLASH!* 

"Xander! Wait up!" Willow cried, running across campus to catch up with her friend. "Xander!" 

Xander didn't seem to hear her and kept walking. 

Slowing to a complete stop, Willow closed her eyes. "Still," she whispered harshly, and the entire campus froze, as if time had stopped. Pleased with herself, Willow darted along the paths until she was next to Xander. "Motion," she called, and the campus instantly came to life again. 

"Will!" Xander shrieked. With no warning, Willow had appeared in front of him. "Don't _do_ that!" 

She shrugged. "Sorry." 

"I told you before, don't do that. It freaks me out when you pop up like that all of the sudden. The Evie-thing isn't funny anymore," he warned her. 

"Sorry, jeez. Someone's got their grumpy-pants on today," she mumbled as they fell into step. 

"Well, you can't say we haven't all talked to you about this. The magic stuff's handy and all, but it's a little much when we're not in the middle of a demon war or something. It's not like this is the first time you're hearing this." It was a jab about Oz's departure, and it didn't go unnoticed. 

Willow stopped short. "I'm just gonna go," she told him bitterly. 

"Willow…wait," he called, exasperated. "I'm sorry, that was harsh. I had a bad day at work and I'm taking it out on you." 

"I just get sick of the reminders, Xander. Every time someone's upset with anything, somehow my use of magic gets called into question. I can't change the way of things." 

"He left because magic was more important to you than he was," Xander said gently. "I know it upsets Tara, too, and she hasn't been around that long." 

"I'm a witch, Xander!" Willow was close to shouting. "That's what I do! Should I deny myself my powers just to make you all happy? I don't see you asking Buffy to tone down her Slayer-strength." 

"Buffy didn't almost kill herself and all her friends with a transportation spell a month ago," he snapped. "She's dealing with Angel leaving like a normal, albeit emotionally wrecked, person. Get it through your head, Willow. What else is it going to take? I'm sorry Oz left. Hell, with the mood's people have been in lately, I'm sorry Angel left! But there were good reasons behind it all, and until you wake up and see that..." he trailed off lamely. "I don't know what to say to you." Giving her a sad glance back, he walked away. 

****

*FLASH!* 

Willow sat on the bathroom floor of her dorm. It was late, no one would disturb her. And once the spell was complete, not only would she feel better...but so would Buffy...and, judging by what 

Xander had said earlier, so would everyone else. 

The candles were lighted and she crossed her legs, one over the other in her plaid pajamas, and closed her eyes. "Harken well ye elements. I summon thee now. Control the outside. Control within. Land and sea, fire and wind. Out of my passions, a web be spun. From this eve forth, my will be done. So mote it be!" 

There was a flash of light...and it was finished. It was a simple spell, really, and when it was completed, she calmly cleaned up her supplies and headed back to the dorm room where Buffy was still sleeply peacefully in her twin bed. With a smile of satisfaction, Willow went to bed. 

The next morning she rose to find Buffy's bed empty and unmade. It made her sad to see that...the Slayer had been in such a funk since Angel had left her for LA... 

Time to change that. 

She closed her eyes. "It is my will that Buffy be happy," she murmured. A tingle went through her, a flash of light burned in her mind, and she assumed the spell had worked. "It is my will that my own heart be healed." Again with the tingle and the flash of light, which left her mind not quite as heavy as it had felt a moment earlier. The pit in her stomach seemed to become whole again in an instant. 

And a moment later she couldn't even remember what'd she'd been so unhappy about. 

* * *

"Woah..." Spike moaned. "Not this again. If we come across a scene of me and and the cupcake over there in a lip-lock, I'm going to get violent. I'm not reliving that." 

"Because it's _my_ fondest wish," Buffy retorted. 

"Well...remember...when I cast the spell last time, all the stuff I asked to be done, specifically, didn't happen. It was the little random stuff I said offhand that came true," Willow told them. 

"But in that world? You're a hell of a lot more powerful, Will," Xander reminded her. 

* * *

*~*~* 

"Xander! Hi Xander!" Buffy cried, racing across the courtyard and bounding over to her friend just as he was about ready to open the door of Giles' flat. 

"Hey, Buff...did you get into the Pixie-Stix again or something?" he asked, taking a step back from the overly-hyped Slayer. 

She grinned loopily. "No, silly! Can't a girl just be in a good mood?" 

Xander gave her a look. "Uh...sure. Apparently...lately...not you or Willow...but I guess sudden mood-swings are allowed for those with mourning of the heart." 

She cuffed him on the shoulder and grinned again. "Let's go see Giles!" she suggested. 

"A capital idea," he agreed warily, and they walked inside. 

"Ah, Buffy, Xander," Giles greeted them. "I think we may have found something very interesting about this Initiative problem," he said excitedly. 

"Problem schmroblem," Buffy laughed. "It's a beautiful day. I think we need ice cream." 

Giles eyed her, confused. "I'm sorry?" 

She giggled again. "Ice cream! You know, 'I scream, you scream?' I know they have ice cream in England!" 

Giles confused eyes turned from his Slayer to Xander, who gave him a smirk. "And the expression you'd be searching for is 'What the--?'" 

"Buffy, are you feeling quite all right?" Giles asked, taking a step closer. 

"I'm simply mah-ve-lous, Giles," Buffy told him, bouncing from one foot to the other. She turned from them and began singing as she strolled around the flat. "I think I'll go for a walk outside now, the summer-time's calling my name!" 

Again, Giles and Xander exchanged a nervous glance. "Buffy...you didn't happen to have been hit on the head with a large, heavy object, did ya? Or maybe, I don't know...become possessed by the spirit of Gidget?" Xander asked. 

Buffy looked over at them brightly. "What? You're so funny, Xander!" 

"Yes...yes I am," he agreed with a sigh. 

"When did this sudden change in personality begin?" Giles murmured to Xander as they watched Buffy dance around the room. 

"Your guess is as good as mine. Last night she cried for three hours straight because she came across a comb that Angel'd left in her dorm room and today, it's little Buffy sunshine." 

"It is odd," Giles concurred, "but...when people undergo severe trauma to the heart...it's not uncommon for them to also suffer from radical mood swings." 

"Whatever you say," Xander muttered as they watched Buffy pick up a throw pillow and begin waltzing around the room with it. 

The front door opened again and in walked Willow with a cheery smile on her face. "Hey everyone! We're dancing?" 

"Will...hey. And no. _We're_ not. Buffy's the only dancing queen..or any kind of queen, actually," 

Xander greeted his friend. 

"Oh. Well, still. Fun!" She crossed the room and flopped onto the couch, picking up her feet to avoid being stepped on as Buffy continued to jive around the room. "Hey Buff!" 

"Willow!" Buffy cried, her eyes flying wide with happiness. "My friend Willow...how are you today? 

Isn't it a beautiful day? Flowers blooming, sun shining...everything's just wonderful." 

"Yes, it is," Willow agreed with a smile. "On the way here I saw the most adorable puppy and got licks on my nose. Every day should have puppy licks to the nose," she decided. 

Xander narrowed his eyes. "You're curiously out of the gloom and doom chamber of the love-lorn as well, Will. What gives?" 

Willow looked up at him innocently. "What? Can't I just feel better?" 

Xander sighed. "Normally, yes, you could. But this is me you're talking to. Yesterday you and Buffy were keeping the Kleenex industry in the red and today it's puppies and sunshine." 

"Maybe we're just adjusting," Willow offered simply and grinned at Buffy, who smiled back. 

"I suppose," Giles said uncertainly. "Let's get to the reason I called you here. It seems that last night there was a series of murders in the area...the victims were of both demon and human origin...and 

they were dissected." 

"What?" Xander cried, "That's disgusting! So I guess just random murder isn't cutting it anymore? They have to take it up a notch?" 

"Obviously, this is serious. I think it's wise if we leave the patrolling up to Buffy from now on." 

Buffy snorted. "Oh...who cares?" she asked with a wave of her hand. "Let's not think about stuff like that. I know! Let's go to the carnival over at St. Matthew's church tonight!" 

The trio looked at her as if she was crazy. "Buffy, really. Focus," Giles asked her. 

"I am! The carnival's only here through tonight. If we don't go tonight, we'll miss it!" 

"Yeah, that's funny, Buffy," Xander told her gruffly, and went back to the situation at hand. "I know this is dangerous, Giles, but I'm not large on letting Buffy patrol alone. I mean...with all that's been happening lately..." His meaning did not go uninterpreted. 

"Oh...yes...quite right. Well, perhaps then...just one of us at a time, then," the Watcher amended. 

"So Xander, you go with her tonight and that way I can make this shin-dig over at the Sigma Phi house," Willow grinned. 

"Uh, sure. Buffy, you up for some slayage tonight?" he asked. 

"I told you guys! Carnival! It'll be so fun! We can ride rides and play games and win prizes." 

"Buffy, come on," Xander sighed. 

"Buffy...are you okay?" Willow asked. 

"I'm great! I feel happy and wonderful!" the Slayer bounced. 

"Ok, this is weirding me out," Xander announced. "She's freaky." 

"Buffy, please, calm down," Giles requested. "We've got serious business to attend to." 

Buffy cocked her head to the side. "Sure. I'm listening." 

"Tonight's patrol is very important. You'll need to keep an eye out for whatever might be killing these people," Giles reminded her. 

"Slaying's boring and unpleasant. I want to do something fun," Buffy told him. 

The trio exchanged another look. "Does anyone else think she's starting to sound like Anya?" 

Xander asked, raising his hand. 

Buffy giggled. 

"Perhaps tonight is not the best night to begin solo-slaying, G-man," Xander suggested. 

The Watcher looked at his charge. "No...perhaps not." 

*~*~* 

"There!" Xander murmured, pointing to something in the distance, on the edge of the tree line. A large form loomed ahead of them, its features hidden in the shadows. 

"What is that?" Willow whispered. 

"What's what?" Buffy asked loudly, popping up between them. 

"Shhh!" they hissed at her, but it was too late. The form turned to them. 

"I knew of your approach. You need not lower your voices," it said. 

"Hi!" Buffy called, waving. "I'm Buffy." 

The figure stepped into the light to reveal a half-man, half-demon hybrid. He was huge, towering 

over them, and completely disfigured. "Buffy. You are the Slayer." 

She nodded. "You've heard of me!" 

"Yes," the demon nodded. "You are of interest to me. I wish to see why you are different." He moved closer to her and Xander jumped in between them. 

"Back off Frankenstein," he ordered. 

Something flickered in the demon's eyes and he thrust an arm out, picking Xander up by his neck and throwing him across the lawn. "You are of no concern to me." 

"Hey!" Buffy cried. "That wasn't nice!" She punctuated her statement with a grin. "Say you're sorry." 

The demon looked at her curiously. "But I'm not." 

"It's rude not to say you're sorry," Buffy told him. "We all should just get along." 

"That's great, Buffy," Willow said, fear causing her voice to shake, "but maybe we can save the social commentary for later? You know, after the fighting?" 

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Fighting? We can't fight Willow. That's not fun. It makes people unhappy. 

Everyone should be happy. Like me!" 

"No fighting?" Willow squeaked. 

"Then I suggest running," Xander told them, and grabbed both girls by the arms, pulling them behind him as he took off. 

The demon watched them run away. "Curious." 

*~*~* 

"Ok, I for one want to know what the _hell_ is going on here?" Xander shouted as they burst through the front door of Giles' apartment. 

"With what?" Buffy asked sweetly. 

"With the new Ghandi-attitude you've got, Buffy. You're the Slayer. Without the slaying. You were just the "er" tonight." 

Buffy patted him on the shoulder. "Slaying's not fun. It makes me tired, which makes me cranky, and sometimes I get hurt. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm happier that way." 

"You might be happier, but we're going to be deader if you keep that up," Xander pointed out. 

Buffy shrugged. 

Giles came in from the other room, "What happened?" 

"We found your demon," Xander told him. "We found it, we even had a little chat with it. He's a Scorpio, likes to fish and hates Thai food. What we didn't do is kill it." 

"May I ask why?" 

Xander gestured at Buffy. "Buffy's tired of slaying. It doesn't make her happy." 

"Happy?" Giles asked, taking off his glasses. 

"I just want to be happy!" Buffy told them. "Now can we go to the carnival? That would make me happy." 

"What the hey is going on here?!" Xander cried. "Willow? Any theories?" 

Willow was seated on the couch, a look of guilt on her face. 

"I'd say this is a spell," Giles told them gruffly. "And I'd say Willow knows something about it." 

Xander turned from the Watcher to the witch. "It is...isn't it?" he asked her quietly. "I'm so stupid. I don't know why I didn't see it…I guess I didn't want to… You were both fine, all of the sudden. 

Except that Buffy's extremely caffeinated. Willow...how could you? After Oz, how _could_ you?!" He was shouting by the end. 

"I just wanted to make her better!" Willow shouted back, rising to her feet. "You don't know, Xander! You don't know!" 

"Don't know what, Willow?!" he snapped. "How it feels to have your heart broken? Yeah, I think I can get how that might feel. I bet Giles has a pretty good idea of it, too, but we're okay! You get through the pain and you move on. That's how it works. You don't go casting a spell on the people you love every time things aren't going the way you want them to!" 

"I was just trying to--" 

"Stop it!" Giles snapped. Willow and Xander turned to him. "Willow," he began, his voice low and dangerous. "What spell did you perform?" 

Willow glared at him. "To have my will done." 

He sighed and closed his eyes. "What specifically did you ask for?" 

"That my heart be healed, and that Buffy be happy," she told him reluctantly. 

"End it. Now." 

"But..." 

"NOW!" 

* * *

"Holy crap," Xander murmured. 

"Go Rupert," Spike grinned. "Way to be." 

* * *

*~*~* 

****

*FLASH!* 

Sunnydale, February, 2000 

Xander and Buffy walked along the U.C. Sunnydale campus, wrapped warmly in winter coats on a chilly February night. 

"Have you heard from her?" Buffy asked him. 

He nodded. "She's okay. Just busy…too busy for us right now I guess. That Wiccan society's really got her schedule jammed." He angrily kicked at a stone in their path. "Have you heard from him?" 

Buffy nodded, sadly. "Yeah…once. He sent me a letter, just to let me know where he was…he's in LA, like he said he'd be. Working with Doyle, alone. They're still trying to find Cordy, but so far, no luck. I hope he's happy," she said firmly, approaching the rock Xander had kicked ahead and letting it fly with a jab from her boot. The sound of breaking glass tinkled from several yards away. 

"That's it. Feed the rage," Xander quipped. 

"We're kinda sad, aren't we?" 

"Just a tad, yes," he agreed. 

"How are things with Anya?" 

"Ex-demony, to say the least. I dunno. I like her," he said simply, shrugging. 

"That's good. You should have someone," she said faintly. 

"Yeah…we all should." 

They continued to walk in silence for a while. "I saw Tara the other day," Buffy told him. "She said to tell you hi. She hasn't really seen Willow much lately, either. I asked her about that group Will's involved in. She didn't seem real happy about it." 

He nodded. "I got that impression from her a few weeks ago when I ran into her with Willow. I think they were arguing about it." 

"I just miss her, Xan," Buffy sighed. "It's just you and me now...not that that's a bad thing," she amended, "but I miss how it was." 

"The Scooby core." 

She nodded. "Things have just changed so much. We're the only two left." 

Xander sighed and looked up at the stars. "It's different, that's for sure." 

Buffy stopped in the middle of the walk. "It's Valentine's Day. Why aren't you with Anya?" 

Xander hesitated. "I will be later...but I thought...with the way things have been lately...I didn't want my best bud to be alone. I might be all you have left...but you're all I've got too, Buff." 

She was moved. "Thank you," she told him, smiling. Reaching up, she hugged him tightly, and he returned the embrace. They pulled away a bit, and looked into each other's eyes, staring for a moment. 

"Good hug," Xander swallowed. 

"Yeah..." Buffy said faintly. 

The electricity around them buzzed as they stood, motionless, staring at each other until, closing her eyes, Buffy waited a beat...and leaned in. 

* * *

"That's enough," Xander whispered, and turned away from the fire. 

"Woah, woah, woah!" Cordelia cried. "You two were gonna kiss! Weren't you?!" 

Buffy looked alarmed and shrugged. "Uh..." 

Willow was crying. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh," she murmured. "What did I do?!" 

"More importantly, Xander, tell the demon what you're going to do," Anya snapped. "Tell him you choose our world. The world with me in it, as your _girlfriend."_ She shot eye-

daggers at Buffy. 

Xander hesitated. 

"Xander! Tell him!" Anya ordered desperately. 

Swallowing hard, Xander looked from one person to the next. 

"Xan?" Buffy asked gently. 

"I--Angel didn't go to Hell," he said. "And you guys got more time together. And you had your mom for three more months, 'cause you didn't run away." 

"But look at everything else, Xander," Dawn told him. "You can't do that...right?" 

"In that world Willow got even more addicted to magic, and more quickly," Tara reminded him. "And Oz still left…even you and Buffy were having problems with her at the end." 

"It looks like I never met up with Angel," Cordelia murmured. "Or Gunn…or Wesley. We're not fighting in LA together. And I'm _poor._" 

Spike laughed. "You can't seriously be considering this, mate. You don't even like Angel." 

Xander only looked more upset and confused. No one said anything for a moment, until 

Angel stepped forward. "I got what I deserved, Xander." 

Xander's head whipped up. "What? No. I sent you to Hell. Essentially, I killed you." 

"No, I did that to myself. The demon is in me. It deserved the torture. I'm here…I'm back on this earth now. But Jenny isn't. I killed her." 

"It wasn't you," Buffy said tearfully. 

"It was by my hand…she was your friend, I know…but she was my friend too, and I killed her. And when I came back…Buffy was still here, Xander. You were all still here." The group stood back, amazed to see Angel now trying to comfort the man responsible for his tenure in Hell. 

"Hell wasn't my first choice…but it was what the demon deserved. The man in me…" he glanced around, laying eyes on each member of their group. "The man has more than he deserves right here. Things are the way they're supposed to be. And I know you. There's no way you're going to pick a world where Cordelia's a starving artist, or where Willow's a magic addict. You're a better person than that. So think of it that way. Your choice that night on Crawford Street didn't send me to Hell. It saved Cordelia, and Willow…and your relationship with Anya." 

Xander stared at the vampire in shock. Slowly, he nodded. "I'm so sorry, Angel...and Buffy...everyone. I really am. I had no idea. I was stupid, and jealous...and I'm sorry." 

Buffy was crying openly and went to her friend, throwing her arms around him. "You don't have to be. But thanks...I've always wondered about that, Xander. Always. If I'd just been a little quicker. If I'd been able to stop him...Now I know." 

Xander tried to smile, but couldn't find it in him. Turning to Jackter he gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head and slunk to the outskirts of their circle. Slumping to the ground he buried his head in his arms. 

Jackter eyed them all. "Who is next?" 


	9. Tara

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.
Rating: PG
    
    Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

****

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jackter remained as he was, sitting on an ancient tree-stump, stroking his beard. "Who is next?"

As per usual, the group exchanged glances and finally Tara stepped up. "I'll go," she offered. "But first…I think I can help you out with Harry," she told the demon shyly.

His eyes brightened. "Really?"

Giving him a small smile she closed her eyes momentarily and held her hands before her. There was a small flash of blue light and the orange cat appeared in her outstretched arms.

"Harry!" Jackter cried, jumping to his feet. "You're back! Thank you, thank you!"

Tara grinned. "You're welcome."

Jackter stroked his purring friend and turned shining eyes to the girl before him. "Please…what may I do for you?" he asked kindly.

Tara took an unsteady breath and turned to her friends. "It's no secret that my father didn't want me to go to college," she began. "But it was my mom's wish, she made him promise to let me go before she died. So I applied for a few schools and got into more than I expected, including U.C. Sunnydale and the other one I really wanted…Lewis Women's College. I ended up picking Sunnydale because it was co-ed, and I thought the diversity would be a good idea." She grinned knowingly. "My father had insisted I attend an all-girls high school, even though it cost a fortune, so I wouldn't be with boys and 'fall from glory.'"

"Oops," Willow grinned back at her evilly. "Sinner."

"If he knew, about us, I'm sure he'd tell me it was the all-girls school that did it," Tara added to the side. 

"So you want to know what would have happened if you'd attended the other school?" Dawn asked, taking her friend by the hand.

Tara nodded. "Sort of. My father agreed to let me go to college until my twentieth birthday, when the "demon" side of me would have been exposed," the Sunnydale Scoobies grinned at that, "but not without doing everything he could to convince me to stay home first. The only time I ever really stood up to him was when he started talking about me going to Clearwater Society of Redemption for a few months. It was a camp started by this scary religious woman near our house. She started it to help "cleanse" women of immoral and impure thoughts and behavior. If I'd gone there, I would have missed an entire semester of school."

"Where the hell did you grow up?" Gunn snorted. "Deliverance country?"

Tara smiled nervously. "But I didn't back down. My mom had made my dad promise that I could go to college, and I held him to it, using his own words against him."

Willow took her hand. "And he gave in, so you went to U.C. Sunnydale."

Tara beamed. "Yes…and I met you guys…"

"But you wonder," Willow concluded, smiling easily. "What it would be like, if you weren't here with us. It's okay…to wonder."

They looked into each other's eyes. "You don't mind?"

The red head shook her head. "Nope. I don't relish the idea of my life without you, but I think I can handle seeing it like this. A lot of things will be different for you. For all of us."

Tara looked unconvinced, and turned to Jackter. "That's what I'd like to see. Wha-what my life would be like if I'd gone to that camp and didn't show up at UCS until a semester later. If that's okay, sir."

The demon was happily petting his cat and nodded. "Yes yes," he said dismissively.

__

Cinder and ash, flame and fire, 

'Tis the other's life to see we desire 

Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

****

*~*~*

*FLASH!*

****

February, 2000

The only thing that had kept her going, that had gotten her here, standing on the curb at the University of California, Sunnydale campus, was the thought of freedom. She'd endured over five months of pseudo-brain-washing at the hands of freaks and religious zealots, hell-bent on squashing any original thought that might enter her mind, any non-passive behavior that endangered the beliefs of her counselors, and of her father.

A month into it she'd learned that if she made her eyes vacant, and kept her head down, life in the camp was easy. It wasn't too different from being at home. Get up early, feed the animals, clean the house, make the meals, find time to read suitable books that were approved by the John Birch Society and then bathe and go to bed. The only difference here was that she was tutored in lessons straight out of books like the _Godey's Lady's Book,_ published in 1848, and articles such as "How To Get Plump" from a 1908 _Harper's Bazar._ It was absurd, and Tara's natural sense of humor barely made it possible for her to keep the grin off her face as Mother Henry preached her ethics to a classroom of drones.

When she'd returned home her father had seemed pleased, though, in all honesty, he'd had very little to be displeased with her before the summer away. He declared the camp a wonder, though Tara noticed he had no words when she announced her intent to begin school in January, at UC Sunnydale, and to live on campus. She'd earned a scholarship that would more than pay for her studies. In the end, there was little her father could say that would change her mind.

And now she was here, and she'd survived. Left to move herself in all on her own, she discovered that, with nothing short of a grand stroke of luck, and the timely departure of a struggling second year student, she would be living alone for her first semester. Nothing could have pleased her more. She'd always been quiet, somewhat of a loner, and here…she could practice magic alone, the magics only she and her mother had shared until her mother's death only a few years earlier.

Tara adored school, more so than she'd ever expected. Her classes were interesting and she was beginning to make some friends. And here she could dress as she chose, no longer stuck in the prim outfits her father had provided. For years she'd squirreled away her own money whenever she'd come across it, mostly from her liberal grandparents on her mother's side who believed in birthday presents, and during her first week in Sunnydale she'd managed to find several good buys by hunting through the racks at funky thrift stores.

Her favorite thing to do was sit under a tree on campus and watch people. Her hometown had been small, quaint, even, and dreadfully boring. Most people there were of the same mind as her father, and all were God-fearing people. She'd known, had been told by her mother, that not everyone was like the townsfolk. There were places where diversity was a requirement, and freethinking was encouraged. Being different…a witch, for example, was not something to be ashamed of, a belief her father pushed upon her.

It had amazed Tara for years that her parents were married to each other. She tried to understand it, even asked about it, but her mother would just smile softly. "Love is what it is, Tara-bell. It chooses you." Her mother chose to keep her secret, that she was a powerful witch, limited to only a few chosen people, mainly her family. Tara was the only one who had embraced what her mother was, who accepted the gift she'd had passed down to her, a gift of power, magical blood. Her father had outright refused to let her practice. He had barely tolerated it from her mother. Once her mother was gone, Tara had been afraid to even mention magic.

It was on a chilly winter afternoon, with perhaps only an hour of sunlight left, but that didn't stop Tara from bundling herself up in a blanket and sitting underneath her favorite reading tree. Propping up her history text she let the sun warm her when it dared to peek out, and half read, half watched the students as they drifted by, catching bits and pieces of their conversations. If they lingered long enough, Tara would join their dialogue, if only in her mind. In her own head, she offered witty commentary and bright suggestions about every possible topic.

She had drifted back into the Russian Revolution when a new conversation between two females sailed over on the breeze. "I just wish I knew where he was," a miserable-looking redhead was telling an athletic blonde. "He just left…didn't even give me a chance to process everything…"

"Did he say when he'd be back?" the blonde asked.

"No, nothing. Just _poof_ 'Hey, Willow, here's your heart that I've just finished squishing. _Poof!_ I've gotta go!'" the redhead moaned. "Not even a post-card. And all his stuff's gone…Devon said he sent for it. He couldn't even come and get it himself. What does that mean?"

The blonde shook her head. "I don't know, Will. I'm sorry."

The redhead (Willow?) sighed. "When does it stop hurting?"

The blonde gave her a sympathetic smile. "He slept with someone else, Willow…it's gonna hurt for a while…but you and Oz have history. And it's good history. Book-worthy."

Willow looked unsure. "But you know what? I feel like…I feel like maybe I shouldn't be this upset though, you know? Like…what happened with me and Xander…"

"Doesn't even compare," the other girl cut her off. "That was years ago, you and Xander were in a high-stress situation, and it was a kiss. A simple kiss. Oz forgave you, and that's supposed to be behind you. It doesn't constitute a freebie."

There was a beat before the redhead answered. "I know…you're right. But, Buffy…are you sure I can't just--"

"Look out!" the blonde shouted suddenly and Tara looked up just in time to see _something_ barreling straight for the two girls. The blonde pushed them both out of the way, their bodies landing on Tara's blanket as the thing rushed past them, then turned for another pass. It was huge, purple, with two giant horns on either side of its head, and Tara had never in her life seen anything like it before.

"Stay back!" the blonde ordered Tara and the redhead, and bound to her feet.

Tara watched as the blonde engaged the monster in battle, moving so quickly sometimes it was hard to watch without getting dizzy. And then she noticed there were now two monsters, one was creeping up from the other side of the wooded path. "Watch out!" Tara shouted, but there was no time. Narrowing her eyes, she swallowed hard, and stretched out her hand. "Doma!" she shouted, and the second demon was thrown backwards.

The redhead next to her gasped and stared. "You—how—you!" she cried excitedly.

Tara's eyes went wide. She hadn't thought…had just reacted…Gasping for breath she grabbed her book and blanket and took off running.

****

*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

March, 2000

"Still no luck getting witchy woman to talk to you, huh?" Buffy asked Willow as they got ready for bed.

Willow shook her head. "Her name's Tara. And, no…I tried talking to her again outside Psych the other day but she just got really flustered and ran away. Like I've got people lying in wait, ready to grab her and burn her at the stake just because she's a witch."

"Did you try her dorm?" Buffy asked, pulling back her sheets and slipping under the covers.

"I don't want to stalk her…she already seems sorta timid. Plus, I'm trying to remember that she probably witnessed her first demon that night…that would freak anyone out. It's no wonder she's not large on meeting up with me."

Buffy grinned. "It's just because she doesn't know you. Everyone should have some Willow in their life."

Willow beamed. "That's what I try to tell people," she agreed, and bounced on her bed. "So…how's Riley?"

Buffy shrugged. "He's still having some residual effects from Prof. Walsh's secret house blend."

"Was anything but the food contaminated?"

"Hard to say, but he's not taking any chances. He pretty much declared his dorm a clean room and swears he's only living on Doublemeat burgers from now on."

Willow wrinkled her nose at the thought. "I don't think he's doing any better going that route."

"Agreed," Buffy nodded and nestled down in her bed.

"I'm glad he figured out what was wrong with him, but I was actually talking about how he's doing with the Faith-thing."

"Oh…that," Buffy said lightly. "I sorta just gave him the Cliff Notes version. You know, she's a Slayer, she's batty…she hates me and all things associated with my existence."

"No mention of…?"

"Anything having to do with people we know in LA? That'd be a big no."

Willow nodded. "Understandable," she told her friend, watching the Slayer carefully. After a moment, "You're doing that again."

Buffy's eyes ticked to hers. "Doing what?"

"Thinking. 'I know it's three in the morning but I should still be out looking for Faith even though I spent the last five hours scouring the city for her with all my friends,'" she mimicked, teasingly.

The Slayer rolled her eyes and grinned. "I know…I'm sorry. But I can't help it. She's out there somewhere. And two guesses why she's sticking around Sunnydale." Rolling onto her back Buffy stared at the ceiling. "Worst timing ever…we've got Riley going through a twelve-step program in what's more like three steps, and this Adam thing is out there…Spike's back in town and now Faith decides to come out of her coma doing her best Invisible Girl act. It's a little much."

"And the story of our lives," Willow agreed with a smirk.

**__**

*FLASH!*

  
"Any luck?" Willow asked as she and Buffy strolled across campus.

Buffy shook her head. "Couldn't find her. Don't know where I'd place that in the luck continuum."

"At least you're not alone on this. Right now I'll bet every cop in Sunnydale's looking for her."

  
Buffy nodded and blew out a breath. "Pressure's definitely high. If I were her, I'd get out of Dodge post-hasty."

They approached the campus bulletin board when a brunette in front of them turned. "You're not me," she sneered.

Faith.

**__**

*FLASH!*

The scenes changed quickly now, flashing first to Faith switching bodies with Buffy, then to the elder Slayer's struggles in the back of the Council's retrieval team van.

Buffy-Faith glared at the Council goon in front of her. "Listen to me. You've made a mistake."

"Threats, is it?" he sneered.

"I'm not threatening you. Listen. I am not Faith."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"I'm gonna get drinks, you want?" Xander asked as he, Willow and Anya relaxed on a couch at the Bronze. 

"Sure," they nodded in sync. 

He rose to head to the bar and ran smack into a person coming their way. "Buffy!"

"What are you doing here?" Willow asked.

Faith-Buffy shrugged. "Got bored. Thought I'd blow off some steam."

Willow nodded. "Good! You should blow. Steam, I mean."

Faith-Buffy smirked.

"And not even a military-type boyfriend in sight," Xander joked. "Where is our own little army-guy tonight?"

Faith-Buffy stared at him. "You know? I think I should go find out." And with that, she slunk off, only to run right into Spike.

****

*~*~*

****

"This is all the same," Buffy moaned. "And she so doesn't act like me! How could you guys not _know?"_

Her complaints died down as the scene switched to her body, but Faith's persona, seducing Riley.

"Now _this_ was entirely worth the trip out," Spike laughed.

****

*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Faith-Buffy and Riley. In bed.

"I love you."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy-Faith escaping the Council, running to Giles.

"Faith switched. She had some device, she switched our bodies." Giles stared at her. "I swear, Giles, it's me."

**__**

*FLASH!* 

The door to Giles' flat opened and in burst Willow, Xander and Anya. "What's going…Faith!" Xander cried, jumping in front of the girls.

"It's okay, Xander," Faith-Buffy began. "It's me."

"It's Buffy," Giles said, unconcerned as he paged through a book.

"It's—huh?" Xander asked.

"It's me, Xander…you guys…it's Buffy. Faith, she switched us," the Slayer implored.

"Switched? Nice. Nice try," Willow bit out.

"It's true," Giles said, coming to Faith-Buffy's side. "I invite you to question her for yourselves and we can waste more time trying to figure out the means to switch them back, or you can just for once trust me and get started now," he told them, motioning at the stacks of books on his table.

The trio stared at him, surprised, and made up their minds.

"Where's…she?" Willow asked nervously.

Faith-Buffy shrugged, worriedly. "I don't know. She could be…She went after the people I love. She already attacked my mom."

"Oh God…Riley," Xander moaned.

"What?" Faith-Buffy gasped.

"We met up with you…her…at the Bronze. She was going to see…"

"Riley…" Faith-Buffy whispered in horror. Her eyes filled with tears but she pushed them back down. Picking up the phone she began to dial, then shut off the cordless phone. "Willow…could you? My…voice."

Willow took the phone from her and dialed. Speaking briefly she replaced the phone after a moment. "He's okay, Graham says he's in the gym. He just saw him."

Faith-Buffy nodded. "Ok. Now would you…?" she indicated the phone.

Willow nodded again and for a second time, dialed the phone. "Hey, Cordelia? It's Willow."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Tara stepped out into the light, relieved to be done with classes for the next ten days, and to just enjoy her Spring Break. Her midterms were completed and she was remaining on campus, alone, planning to work on some more complicated spells that she'd been promising herself with. Just the thing for a perfect Sunday afternoon.

First, she wanted to stop by the magic shop for some supplies, and she quickened her pace. "Excited over some herbs," she chastised herself, almost giddy now. _Okay, maybe not so much the herbs as the girl **selling** the herbs,_ she thought with a smile. Margot was so pretty, and a talented witch…and she and Tara had become friends quickly after Tara became a frequent shopper of the store. More than friends, if Tara was honest with herself. Quiet evenings spent reviewing magic had quickly grown into something much more between the two women.

****

*~*~*

****

"Wow. Margot?" Willow asked, just a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"I—I. Hey! I can't help what Other-Tara's doing!" Tara cried with a grin.

****

*~*~*

Tara leaned over the counter of the shop, grinning at Margot, who was ringing out the cash register for the day. "Good day?"

Margot nodded. "Not bad. Better than average, I'd say."

"Well, good. That's good." She spun off the counter and walked to the back. "I love this place. It's so inviting. Comforting. Like your favorite blanket. Mr. Bogarty did a great job fixing it up."

Margot smiled. "Silly. I don't know why you don't just ask him to hire you on part-time." 

The bell over the door rang just then and they both looked up. "Sorry, we're closed," Margot began. "Oh, Willow!"

Willow grinned. "Hey Margot!" she grinned, then noticed Tara. "And…Tara!" The redhead looked from woman to woman. "You…Tara!"

"W-Willow," Tara stammered.

"You two know each other?" Margot asked.

Willow's face scrunched up a bit. "Uh…not exactly. Sorta," she explained feebly.

"We…uh…run into each other sometimes at school," Tara supplied.

"Ah…fun. Well, what's up?" Margot asked.

Willow cast another curious glance at Tara, then addressed Margot. "What do you know about body-switching spells?"

"Body-switching?" Margot asked gravely. "Dangerous business. Serious magic. What are you planning on?"

"Oh, no, not me!" Willow corrected. "It's…happened. To a friend of mine. And I have to find a way to switch them back."

"You know who the other person is, I assume?" Margot asked, moving past Tara to the back of the shop.

"Unfortunately," Willow groused, following her.

"I've heard of a few things…here and there. What do you know about the initial spell?" Margot asked.

"Not much. We only figured it out because the other girl's body found us and convinced us. You know, knew stuff only my friend could know."

"Who's the friend?"

"Buffy," Willow told her seriously.

Margot's face went ashen. "Oh no," she gasped.

"Exactamundo. So, can you help?"

"I'll try." Margot turned to Tara. "Tara, do you know anything about body switching?"

Tara had been staring at the two women. "Uh—I—no, not—not really."

Margot looked at her curiously. "You okay?"

Tara nodded.

"If you're nervous about talking in front of Willow, don't be. She's cool. Powerful Wicca."

Tara's blue eyes twitched. "You-you're a witch?"

Willow smiled at her sympathetically. "I tried to tell you."

Margot was feverishly paging through some books when finally she closed them all and stacked them. "Here. On loan," she told Willow pointedly. "Figure it out then bring them back."

Willow nodded gratefully. "You know I will. Thanks. We've got to get this done quick…she's done some damage."

"Do you know where she is now?"

"Headed to LA, we think. More people to hurt there."

"Sounds messy. If you need help…"

"Thanks." Willow turned to the door, then turned back. "It was nice to see you again, Tara," she told the blonde.

Tara gave her an unsure smile. "Uh…yeah, you too."

Willow hurried out.

****

*~*~*

****

"Holy schnikies!" Xander yelped. "Tara's not there to conjure up that switcherouybob!"

"The Katra," Willow corrected him. "So Buffy and Faith are still switched."

"And she's heading for LA…in my body," Buffy gasped.

****

*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Well, we were right. Faith arrived in Los Angeles and went straight for Angel and Cordelia…and Wesley," Giles informed the Scoobies as he and the faux-Buffy walked from the back of his flat into the living room.

"What happened?" Willow asked worriedly. "Did they stop her?"

Faith-Buffy shook her head sadly, Faith's dark hair rustling as she did so. "No."

"Is everyone okay?" Xander asked.

Giles cleared his throat. "For the most part. Faith did…ah…toy with their emotions, it would seem. And both Wesley and Cordelia suffer from some physical harm, but they should recover just fine."

"More of the mind games, huh?" Riley asked bitterly, still deeply ashamed of what had occurred between he and the faux-Buffy.

A new thought entered Willow's mind and she murmured it to Buffy. "Did they…Angel didn't…he knew it was…"

Faith-Buffy's eyes were shining with tears, but she shook her head. "No…he knew. More or less right away." Speaking so the room could here her, she went on. "Cordelia was a little miffed though that we didn't call them sooner. Could have saved them the trouble."

"Angel figured it out initially, but Faith revealed herself to Cordelia and Wesley separately," Giles told them. "And after the damage was done, she left the area."

"So we have no idea where she is," Xander moaned.

"She could be anywhere. Hundreds of miles away," Anya added. "You're never getting your body back," she informed Faith-Buffy.

Faith-Buffy stared at her. "Thanks."

Anya caught the look Xander was sending her and straightened up, plastering a smile on her face. "This one has bigger breasts," she added, cheerily.

"I just can't believe…it's you…in there," Riley said shakily.

Faith-Buffy's eyes snapped to his face. "Well, it is."

He looked up at her, apologetic. "I-I know. I'm sorry. It's just a lot to deal with."

"Do tell," she told him and got up, walking across the room.

It had been days since their bodies had been switched, almost two weeks, in fact. And Buffy was going crazy inside this body. It wasn't hers. It didn't feel right.

"We'll figure it out Buffy, there has to be a counter-spell," Willow informed her.

The Slayer didn't answer. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Confused, she turned and opened it, eyes flying wide at the person standing on the other side.

"Oz."

To his credit, Oz took in the sight of Faith standing before him and stayed in place. "Faith," he countered warily.

"Oz?" Willow asked softly, rising to her feet. Xander and the rest were right behind her as she headed to the door.

The werewolf's expression softened a bit as his eyes lit on Willow. "Hey," he said casually, his gaze flickering back and forth between Faith and Willow.

"It's okay," Faith-Buffy reassured him. "I'm Buffy."

Oz glanced at her sideways. "I knew stuff would change while I was gone…" he said after a moment.

The Slayer gave him a half-smile. "It's…ah…complicated."

**__**

*FLASH!*

**__**

April, 2000

"It's been months," Oz told her as they walked along campus. "Months. I think it's time to start thinking of a plan B."

"Plan B, though, right?" Willow asked him. "Plan B's just trying something else, right? Not giving up?"

Oz nodded seriously. "I'm not giving up. But Angel and I have been everywhere. Neither of us can pick up anything on her. She's disappeared."

Willow's heart was breaking. "You tried. Werewolf senses and stuff. It's not your fault. She could be anywhere." She took his hand and kissed it lovingly. "I just miss her. I know that's Buffy in Faith's body…but it's not the same."

"I'm inclined to say she'd agree, especially now that we have the cure. But she knows. She knows we're all trying. Any luck with the location spells?"

Willow shrugged. "A little. I've only done short-range stuff. Riley's got the Commando's working on it. I think he still feels guilty."

"He didn't know it was her," Oz pointed out. "He thought he was with Buffy."

"But Angel knew, sorta right away. I think that kinda bothered him."

Oz considered that. "Well…still. Angel and Buffy had that history thing. Plus, vamp senses."

"I tried to tell him that," Willow said softly. They knocked on the door to Giles apartment.

****

*~*~*

"You and Oz worked things out," Tara murmured.

Willow took her hand and squeezed it, trying to ignore that her other self had done the exact same thing, but to Oz.

"I was in her body for months," Buffy whispered, horrified. "Months."

****

*~*~*

The door swung open abruptly, answered by a harried-looking Giles.

"Giles, what is it?" Willow asked, concerned.

He stared at her for a moment, his face stricken, his eyes round, hollow. He was pale, his body shook. Giles held open the door just wide enough for them to enter, and insde they found Xander, Anya, and Faith-Buffy, along with Riley, Angel, and a girl they didn't know. Faith was staring blankly at the floor, tears streaking her cheeks, Riley was holding her hand, with Angel lingering in the background looking devastated. Even Xander and Anya looked as though they'd been crying.

"What's going on?" Willow demanded. "Tell me. Please!" She turned frantically from one person to another. "Who's this?" she asked, facing the newcomer. 

Oz took her hand, put another on her back to steady her. Even without wolf senses he would have been able to detect the sadness, the horror that permeated the room.

No one spoke.

"Somebody!" Willow cried, her stomach churning.

Giles cleared his throat finally. "We've just…that is…Buffy…" he stopped, collected himself, and started again. "Willow, Oz…we've just received some news. This is…this is Marisol. She…ah…she's the new Vampire Slayer."

Willow blinked. "Wait, she's what? But Buffy's…and Faith…"

Faith's eyes, showing Buffy's emotions, looked into her friends.

"That would mean she…she's gone?" Willow whispered. "Faith…she's dead."

Willow crumpled to floor and Oz caught her in an embrace as the girl began to cry.

"What does this mean?" a stunned Oz asked.

"It means I'm stuck in this body," Buffy managed to get out before her own tears took over once again.

****

*~*~*

****

"Wow. If ever there wasn't a life you were going to choose," Anya said brightly. "Isn't _anyone_ going to have a happy ending? I know I was hoping for mine to end with marriage to Ty from _Trading Spaces_. See anything like that for one of us?" she asked the demon.

Xander shook his head in amazement and ignored his girlfriend. "May I just say…Tara…good to know you."

Tara gave him a wobbly grin.

Willow took her hand. "I think this gets me out of ever having to prove I'm glad you're around."

"Me too," Buffy chimed in shakily. "For once? I'd like to see a path without the death and dismemberment. Especially to my person."

"Thank you," Tara told Jackter, still happily stroking his purring cat. "I'm staying here, but thanks…I've always wondered." She turned to Willow. "I'm sorry…that things would have worked out with you and Oz…if I hadn't…"

Willow shrugged with a grin. "You forget…I chose this path, too."

"How many are left now?" Jackter asked. "One, two, three, four…Four," he sighed, pointing to Angel, Buffy, Gunn and Giles in turn. "Fine, fine. Who is next?"


	10. Gunn

Title: _The Road Not Taken_

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*~*~*~*

Gunn stepped forward. "Guess I'll save the big guns for last," he grinned, nodding to Buffy and Angel. Taking the few steps that would put him face to face with the demon, he spoke. "I've been tossing some ideas around in my head, stuff I'd like to change. Maybe if I'd been better in school, joined a team and made the big play or something. What if I'd been there when my grandma moved on…or if I'd been able to save my sister. But the more I think about it, the biggest change in my life has come recently. When I left everything I knew to hook up with these guys." He jutted a thumb backwards, to Angel, Cordelia and Wesley. "I used to run with this group of guys. Took it upon our selves to clean up the streets. Drugs and gangs weren't so much the problem in our neighborhood as vampires were. I left them for the career I got now. So, what I want to know, is what if I hadn't?" 

Jackter nodded. 

__
    
    
    Cinder and ash, flame and fire,
    'Tis the other's life to see we desire
    Two roads before us, but one to take
    Show the other, the choice not made.

* * *

**__**

*FLASH!* 

Los Angeles 

October, 2000 

"Get down!" Gunn cried, pushing Nico's head onto the pavement. "There's more behind that dumpster, waitin' on us." 

Nico shifted uncomfortably while Gunn scoped out the situation. "They knew we was comin', man, they knew!" 

Gunn gave a short nod as his keen eyes hunted around for more signs of danger. "What you packin'?" 

Nico, flat on the ground, held up a hand, revealing a single stake. 

"Damn," Gunn muttered under his breath. He weighed his homemade battle ax in his right hand, rapidly trying to figure out how to get out of the situation he and Nico were currently in. 

"Ok, here's how we're workin' this. I'm backing up, you go right, stay low. Let 'em see me. They'll rush, you come 

in behind. Can't be more than three or four of 'em back there." 

Nico nodded and moved to his hands and knees. 

"You ready?" Gunn asked, looking his friend in the eye. Nico nodded. "Ok…go." 

Quickly Gunn moved backward, allowing himself to be seen. As predicted, the vampires behind the dumpster were watching him, and they followed. Two came out at once, followed by a third, then a fourth. 

Gunn grinned at them easily. "Don't want no trouble," he told them, the ax safely pressed to his back with his right hand. He held up the left as a peace offering. 

"We're sorta made for trouble," one of the vamps quipped as they pushed Gunn further back in the alley. A few more feet…just a few more feet. 

Gunn nodded appreciatively and stopped his retreat. "Yeah, well…you're in the right neighborhood for that." With those words, Nico burst from his hiding spot and dusted one of their members as Gunn swung the ax over his head, whirling his body and bringing the weapon up, decapitating another. 

The two remaining vamps let out angry snarls and rushed the two men, one of them barreling low and taking Gunn in the stomach, knocking him back to the ground. The ax clattered on the cement and knocked loose of his hand, forcing Gunn to resort to hand-to-hand combat. Which was fine with him. Letting loose with a flurry of punches, he disoriented the vamp and rolled, jumping to his feet and grabbing the ax at the same time. Casting an eye to Nico, he found his friend backed against a brick-wall, the vampire he was fighting struggling in vain to find his neck. 

"Nico!" Gunn shouted, forgetting his own battle and hurrying to his aide his friend. Taking a stake from his back pocket he dusted the vampire, letting go of the stake. Nico, free of the demon's grip, dropped to his knees and caught the stake as it fell in a flurry of dust, bringing it up and thrusting at the other and final vampire. Dust, poof. Gone. 

"Nice work!" Gunn beamed, holding his hand up for a high-five. The two men congratulated themselves, then returned to the street. 

"That guy get away I guess?" Nico asked, looking around. 

Gunn glanced left, then right, and shrugged. "Save a guy from a mugging and a body bag and you get no love." 

"That's not entirely true," a voice came from behind them. 

The two men whirled. "Oh…you stuck around, huh?" Gunn asked. 

The man stepped up and straightened his tie. "I have to say…I thought the most unfortunate part of my day would be the flat tire." 

Gunn's eyebrows went up. "In this neighborhood?" he smirked. 

The gentleman gave an appreciate laugh. "It's one of my biggest problem areas, I know. The vampiric activity dwarfs the amount of regular theft and such performed by mortals." 

Gunn and Nico exchanged glances. "Come again?" Gunn asked. 

The man smiled. "You don't know who I am. My apologies. My name is Mackenzie James. I'm the Mayor of Los Angeles." 

Gunn and Nico exchanged another glance. "You're the who?" 

"The Mayor. Perhaps you've seen my campaign posters hung around the city." 

The two men glanced down the dark and deserted street. "No," they said simultaneously. 

Observing the condition of the neighborhood, Mackenzie gave a short laugh. "No, I suppose you haven't. That's one of the things I'm working on. Getting away from all the high-society people in the suburbs and working on the inner-city. Cleaning it up." 

"Why are you down here at this time of night?" Gunn asked. "For that matter…and more importantly…how do you know about vampires?" 

The Mayor looked surprised. "You don't really think that people in top positions in this city don't know that the majority of theft and murder in this area doesn't rest on the shoulders of mortals, do you?" 

Gunn shifted his stance. "The way they arrest one of us for just about anything? Can't say I'm inclined to believe that, Mr. Mayor." 

"Please, call me Mac. Everyone does. My friends, at least." 

"We friends now?" 

"I hope so…because I have something to offer you…and I think it just might be, excuse the pun, right up your alley." 

*~*~* 

*FLASH!* 

"So he just offered you guys, straight up, to be part of some huge task force around the city?" Melinda asked them 

as she settled herself onto the arm of the couch Gunn was lounging on. 

The entire crew was holed up in the abandoned warehouse that was their Fort Knox. As was nightly tradition, Gunn and Nico, and the rest of their group, had headed back there once their night of demon-hunting was finished. Body count scored points. 

Gunn nodded, leaning back on the old recliner someone had rescued from the trash years ago. "Yeah. Mac's the Mayor…and part of his campaign promise was to free up our 'hood from all the evil. He words stuff real careful…probably said exactly that to the big city folks and they just assumed he was talkin' 'bout people like us." 

"But he weren't," Nico chimed in. "He knows. Knows about vampires and demons. That's what he wants to stop, like us." 

Jay looked uneasy. "You two spent twenty minutes with this guy and you're already sold on the idea of joining up with him?" 

Gunn shook his head. "Nah, man, I told you. I'm here. For good. This is my neighborhood." 

"Yeah, but you almost left once, for that _vampire_ and the biscuit," Jay pointed out. 

"Man, that was months ago!" he looked disgruntled for about ten seconds, then burst into a grin. "She _was_ a hottie, 

wasn't she?" 

Melinda smacked the back of his head. "I don't get it. What's in it for him?" 

"Seems simple. We keep doin' what we do. He points us out, to the public, as being good, up-standing citizens, and gets the cops off our backs so we can keep on keepin' on," Gunn told her, kissing her hand. 

* * *

****

*~*~*

"I _knew_ she always had a thing for me!" Gunn cried happily. "Damn! I coulda had Melinda!" 

*~*~*

* * *

"So all this guy wants us to do is exactly what we've been doing. No different. He scratches our backs, we scratch his," someone from the back asked. 

Gunn nodded. "I know…I get ya. I'm not sure I trust this either. And I'm not sure I like the idea of being public. I mean, he's not going to go up there and scare all the kiddies in their beds by telling the world we got vampires lurkin'. We'll just come off as street thugs with heart," he grinned again. Sitting up he picked up a rock on the floor and tossed it from hand to hand thoughtfully. "But…having those cops off our back would be pretty nice." 

"Like a cakewalk, then. We got more trouble with the cops than with the vamps," Nico agreed. 

"We just get up in front of some TV cameras every once in a while, he gives us all some medals, maybe a nice dinner somewhere, we shake some hands and have all those rich-bitch Beverly Hills folks tell us what nice boys and girls we are…then we come home." The idea was warming on Gunn as he repeated it to his friends. 

"You want this, don't you?" Jay asked suspiciously. 

Gunn stared at him levelly. "I think we go about this carefully. That's what I think. If it gets too much, we just tell him. We're done." Looking around at his group, friends he had for years, he noted the skepticism. "We'll think about it, okay? Talk it over some more. I don't got to get back with him for awhile." 

"Look, man. I know you'd never do us wrong, that ain't what I'm saying," Jay told him. "I just wanna know more about this guy. He's the Mayor. Big deal. That ain't nothin' to me. What if he comes back later and tries pinning all this crap on us? Turns the tables around and we come off bad. I ain't going to jail just for protecting my people." 

Gunn's head bobbed. "No, that's cool. Good idea to know who we're dealin' with. And I think I know where we can go to find out just who this Mac guy is." 

****

*FLASH!* 

"So that makes, what…two Sempi demons and a run-of-the-mill vamp for the last night?" Cordelia asked, walking to the dry-erase board and marking off the kills. 

Wesley nodded. "I'm still not sure what the Sempi are doing here. Traditionally they stay on the East Coast." 

"Probably wanted to be actors," Cordelia joked as she wrote. 

"We've got a better climate," Angel added, walking behind the counter of the Hyperion. 

Cordelia gasped. "Was that a joke?" 

Angel gave her a pained look and nuked a bag of blood. Running a hand through his hair he sighed heavily. 

"Didn't sleep well again?" Cordelia asked sympathetically. 

Angel barely heard her. Murmuring a "no," he retrieved the blood and bit into it, drinking deeply. He hadn't been sleeping well for weeks…all his dreams revolved around…her… He shook his head, bringing himself back to the present. 

"So, no word on the Sempi, huh guys?" he asked, trying in vain to sound cheerful. 

His coworkers were looking at him oddly, but, being used to this unusual behavior from their boss, they breezed past it. 

"Someone say Sempi?" a voice came from the lobby. 

"Gunn?" Cordelia asked, walking around the counter. "Hey! Guys! It's Gunn!" 

"Hey," Wesley and Angel said in unison. 

"'Sup, y'all?" he grinned. "Still fighting with the best of them?" 

"You know it," Cordelia informed him. 

"Haven't seen you around lately," Angel said, leaning on the counter and watching the man carefully. 

Gunn shrugged. "Been busy. You know how it is." He looked at the dry-erase board, covered in Cordelia and Wesley's handwriting. "I guess you do." 

"Oh, yeah…just some routine stuff, you know," Cordelia said nonchalantly. 

"What brings you here, Gunn?" Wesley asked kindly. 

Gunn got down to business. "Need to know some stuff about the mayor. What side he plays on, that kinda thing." 

"Is he a snake?" Cordelia asked, bolting upright. 

Gunn wrinkled his nose at her. "Uh, no…not that I saw." 

She dropped the books in her hands and rushed over to him. "But that's the thing. You don't _know_ he's a snake until the Ascension." 

"Cordelia," Angel said gently, laying a hand on her arm. "He's not a snake." 

She squinted her eyes at him but said nothing. 

"What's with the mayor?" Angel asked Gunn. 

"Met him the other night. Saved his Armani-clad butt from some vamps. Seems he's wise to what goes on, in the demon-sense of things, offered to help out me and my buddies by getting the cops off our back." 

"What's he want from you?" Angel asked. 

"Exactly," Gunn agreed, nodding. "Says all he wants is to sorta promote us. Put us on TV, give us a community award or something, spotlight us. He shows us off, and gets the cops to start leaving us alone, 'cause they'll realize we're on their side, and he gets to look good by promoting these inner-city kids in their community clean-up project." 

"Winners all around," Wesley said, off hand. "You're right to be suspicious, but I can't remember hearing anything too bad about the mayor." 

"Can you look into it for me? Might makes some things easier on your front as well." 

"Only if he can extend the good-Samaritan clause from cops to lawyers," Cordelia muttered. 

"Still havin' problems with them? Man…I heard you took off that boy's hand. What was his name?" Gunn directed to Angel. 

"Lindsey," Cordelia supplied. "Cutie, but psycho. They all seem to turn out that way." 

He smiled again easily. "'Cept me." 

She cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, but you left," she flirted before Angel cleared his throat. 

"We'll look into it for you if you want, see what dirty laundry this guy has, what his motivations are," the vampire told him. "How soon do you need to know?" 

Gunn shrugged. "You know the deal, I needed it yesterday." 

Angel nodded tiredly. "Cordelia can get on it." 

"Sure…no problem, bossy," Cordy said, wrinkling her nose at being volunteered for the job. 

"You okay man?" Gunn asked, glancing at Angel. "You look sorta…" 

"Peaked?" Cordy supplied as she crossed to the computer. 

"I was gonna say trashed." 

Angel nodded again. "Just not sleeping. I'm fine." 

"Anything you guys need my help on? You were a big help to me last year…I owe ya, for that and for this," he told them, waving a hand to indicate Cordy's work on the computer. 

The vampire shook his head. "No, we're fine. We'll call you when we get something." With that Angel walked out of the office and headed to his room. 

Gunn exchanged an uneasy glance between Wesley and Cordelia. "What's up with him?" 

Cordy shrugged, turning back to the computer monitor. "Got us. He's sleeping weird, that's all he'll say." Turning to him and leaning in conspiratorially, she whispered. "If you stand outside his door, while he's sleeping? Funky 

sounds." 

"Like what?" 

"Groiny sounds." 

"Angel got a girl in there?" Gunn grinned. 

She glared at him. "No." 

Gunn stared at her, not understanding until.."Oh. Oooh." 

"Exactly. I heard him just once and that was enough. What he does on his own--" 

Wesley interrupted. "May I be the first to say, this is by far the most disturbing conversation I've yet witnessed in my months in Los Angeles." 

Cordy grinned. "Getting the imagery there?" 

Wesley closed his eyes. "Not until now, thank you." 

She and Gunn grinned. 

"I gotta go," he told them. "You still got my numbers?" 

Cordy nodded. "We'll call you soon." 

"Thanks. I owe ya." 

* * *

****

*~*~*

"What's with Angel?" Willow whispered to Buffy. 

"I'm really sure I don't want to know," she whispered back, wrinkling her nose. 

"Darla was appearing in his dreams," Cordelia informed them. 

Buffy looked back at Willow. "Really, really sure." 

*~*~*

* * *

"Nothing. He's clean, I'm telling you." 

"But how do you know?" 

"'Cause these guys are the best. You know them. It's Angel. He does good work. If there's dirt on someone, he'll 

find it. And the man came up with nothing more than some parking tickets and a bounced check twelve years ago," Gunn told his friends as they gathered back at the warehouse a few days later. 

"So…what does this mean?" Nico asked. 

Gunn looked around. "It means we're a family. And family works together. I say we vote." 

There were murmurs of agreement. 

"All in favor?" Hands went up. "Not?" More hands. 

He grinned. "Where we making the mayor take us for our first big dinner?" 

****

*FLASH!* 

February, 2001 

"…Johnson, Melinda Brown, Jay Bowman, Nico Juarez, and Charles Gunn. For their continuing service in cleaning up the East River division of Los Angeles. Crime in that area has dropped significantly lower in the past few years of their service, and for that, we present these 27 individuals with awards for Upstanding Citizenship, and Community Aid and Defense. Let's welcome these fine citizens!" With the end of Mayor James' speech, the crowd gathered at City Hall roared in applause. Gunn grinned, as did most of the other members of the crew, as they went up to receive their awards. Mac shook their hands and smiled, then the camera bulbs started to flash. 

"Hey, man, how's it feel to be famous?" Nico joked. Gunn grinned. 

"Damned fine, Nico. Damned fine." 

****

*FLASH!* 

Mark Twain Middle School, Los Angeles 

April, 2003 

"You have to understand that the police can't always be everywhere at once. L.A.'s a big city, and they've got a lot of stuff to deal with. Communities have to bond together, and work together, to keep crime low. Things ain't gonna get better unless we _make_ them better. That's why community crimewatch programs are so important. If you help make things easier on the cops, then they'll have time to make things easier on you." Gunn looked out over the classroom he was speaking to. The junior high class looked a little bored, but receptive. Gunn felt his heart swell. He was really making a difference. He was helping people. And it felt good. "Anybody got any questions?" 

One girl, about 13 years old, raised her hand quickly. Gunn nodded to her, and she grinned at him flirtatiously. "You seein' anybody?" she asked. 

Gunn laughed, blushing a little. "Yeah. I'm married, actually, and my wife's name is Melinda. Anybody got any questions about the community programs I've been talking about up here?" Gunn smiled at the three hands in the air. These kids were going to make a difference, and all because of him. 

* * *

****

*~*~*

"Wow," Gunn said, a grin on his face. 

"Hey, how come _he_ gets the nice one?" Buffy pouted good-naturedly. 

Wesley and Angel were looking disappointed. 

"Well, I think I know what I'm gonna choose. I wanna make a difference with the kids, man." 

"Wait!" cried Cordelia. 

"What?" Gunn asked. "Cordy, look at what I'm doing there! I'm talking to kids, helping to make the 

neighborhoods safer…" 

"And?" Cordy replied, arching one perfect eyebrow at him. 

"What do you mean, 'and'? There is no 'and'. That's what I wanna do." 

"And you can't do that now?" 

Wesley grinned and joined in. "Yes, Charles, really. You can easily become involved in various community outreach programs, and still help us. We need you as well as those children." 

Gunn was silent for a moment. Finally he spoke. "Yeah. Guess you're right. Who needs Melinda, anyway?" 

He grinned, then turned back to Jackter. "Guess I'm stickin' around, man." 

"Very well," Jackter replied. "Three left. Who would like to go first?" 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

TAKE THE CHALLENGE!! Like _The Road Not Taken_? Then check out the fiction challenge inspired that story!

http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/AnotherLife/Challenge.html

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	11. Giles

Title: _The Road Not Taken_

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jackter glanced from the impassive face of Angel, to Buffy's combined expression of nerves and fear, to the slightly strained appearance of Giles. "Well?" he asked impatiently, placing Harry is his carrier and tossing a few cat treats inside.

Giles glanced from vampire to Slayer and bravely took a step forward. "I suppose it should be me."

"Very well. What do you wish to see?"

"I would never rescind my decision to become a Watcher…particularly your Watcher," the former-librarian said gently, turning to his charge, who smiled at him. "Knowing you, all of you, has been an experience I don't wish to be without." Pausing, collecting his thoughts and his emotions, he removed his glasses and began to clean them. "Perhaps one of the only things I regret in my tenure on the Hellmouth is something that will bring pain to many of you. Particularly to Angel. I'm sorry. I don't wish that upon you. What's done is done." He paused again, his gaze growing far away, lost in a memory. "However…I would very much like to know. And so I hope you can bear with me."

"What, Giles?" Buffy asked.

Giles' eyes ticked to hers and held them with compassion. "I would like to know how life would be different, for myself, for all of you…if I'd been able to save Jenny." He said this quietly, though his eyes remained level on Angel's. He watched as the vampire blanched noticeably. Buffy took Angel's hand and squeezed it.

__
    
    Cinder and ash, flame and fire,
    'Tis the other's life to see we desire
    Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Sunnydale High School

February, 1998

  
Giles stood in the classroom, his nerves on edge, as Jenny stood across from him, book in her arms. 

She made the first move. "How've you been?"

  
He glanced back as Buffy and Willow retreated from the room, then turned back to her, a nervous smile playing on his lips. "Not very well. Since Angel lost his soul, he seems to have regained his sense of whimsy," he tried to say easily, giving off a slightly forced laugh.

  
Her brow furrowed in concern. "That sounds bad."

  
"He's been in Buffy's bedroom. I'm going to have to drum up a spell to keep him out of the house."

  
She nodded thoughtfully, then handed him a book from the pile. "Here, might help. I've been… reading up since Angel changed. I don't think you have that."

  
Touched at her concern he took the book from her hands, blushing. "Thank you."

  
They remained in uncomfortable silence for a moment until she leaned on one hip and asked, "How is Buffy doing?"

  
His defenses went up instantly. "How do you think?"

  
Jenny sighed. "Rupert, I know you feel betrayed," she began.

  
"Yes, that's one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal," he said somewhat harshly.

  
"I was raised by the people Angel hurt the most," she pleaded. "My duty to them was the first thing I was ever taught. I didn't come here to hurt anyone. I lied to you because I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't know what would happen."

Pausing, she swallowed. "I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you."

**__**

*FLASH!*

The Magic Shop

Jenny held the orb before her. "A present for a friend of mine…"

"Oh, yeah. What are you gonna give him?" the shopkeeper asked.

  
She lifted the orb to eye-level, gazing into it as began to glow. Determination steeled her face. "His soul."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Sunnydale High School

The computer screen lit up Jenny's face, in stark contrast to the semi-dark surroundings. Night was on its way. She was reading in earnest when movement caught her attention and she turned suddenly. "Oh, hi." Guiltily she turned off the monitor.

  
Giles was standing in the doorway, on his way home for the evening. "You're working late."

  
"Special project…" she told him, nodding and rising from her chair. Changing subjects she moved to safer ground, though safer not by much. "I spoke to Buffy today."

  
His eyes lit up slightly. "Yes?"

  
"She said you missed me," she murmured, and delighted when his face flushed and he stammered a reply.

  
"She is a meddlesome girl."

  
Glancing back at the computer, Jenny fought her instinct to keep quiet. "Rupert, I don't want to say anything if I'm wrong, but I may have some news… I have to finish up - can I see you later?"

  
Giles glanced at the computer, then back at her, please she wanted to see him. "Yes. You could stop by the house."

  
Jenny smiled up at him, equally pleased at the thought of spending time with him…and of making things right between them. "Okay."

  
"Good." Flashing her one last uneasy grin, Giles walked out to his car.

**__**

*FLASH!*

Later that night Jenny frantically tapped at the keyboard of her computer. "Come on… come on…" Suddenly she sat up and scanned what she'd done. "That's it! This will work."

Satisfied, she ordered the computer to print, then save. "This will work." With a happy smile she moved around the computer monitor and gasped at the figure standing in the doorway to her classroom. "Angel! How did you get in here?!"

  
He smirked and began strolling lazily to the front of the class. "I was invited…The sign in front of the school: 'Formatia trans sicere educatorum.'"

  
"Enter, all ye who seek knowledge."

  
He shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a knowledge seeker."

  
Jenny's eyes darted to the door, nervous now. "Angel… I have good news."

  
He cut her off. "I heard. You went shopping at the local boogedy boogedy store." Walking to her desk he picked up the crystal orb from its resting-place. "The orb of Thessulah. If memory serves, this is supposed to summon a person's soul from the ether, store it until it can be transferred. You know what I hate most about these things…?" With a mighty throw he shattered the orb against a blackboard, causing Jenny to jump and scream. "They're so damned fragile. Must be that shoddy Gypsy craftsmanship."

She cowered in a corner as he crossed to the computer on her desk. Placing one hand on the monitor, he spoke. "I never cease to be amazed by how much the world has changed in just two and a half centuries. It's a miracle to me. You put the secret to restoring my soul in here…" With a shove the computer fell to the ground, crashing, glass shattering and smoke rising up from the pieces. Turning back to the printer he ripped some pages from the feeder. "…and it comes out here."

Now he glanced at the pages, scanning them quickly. "The Ritual of Restoration. Wow, this brings back memories." With a grin he ripped the pages and tossed them down to the now burning computer parts.

  
Jenny took a step forward. "Angel, wait…! That's your--"

  
"My what? My 'cure?' No thanks. Been there, done that. And déjà vu just isn't what it used to be." He rounded on her, just as Giles appeared in the doorway.

"Jenny, I--" he began, when he realized that Jenny wasn't alone. "Angel."

"Rupert!" Angelus called out merrily. "So glad you could join us! Jenny and I were just going over one of the many reasons I'm going to kill her tonight. Would you like to weigh in?"

Giles eyes ticked from Angel's to Jenny's and his face steeled. Reaching into his bag he pulled out a stake and a crossbow. "Jenny, go," he ordered.

"So soon?" Angelus grinned. "We're just getting started."

"You've ruined it," Jenny told him, edging towards Giles. "You ruined the spell. It took me months to work it out and you ruined it. Gone, forever," she spat.

"And I'm so broken up about that," Angel told her, clutching his chest. "But unfortunately, it doesn't mean you won't try again. And I'm afraid…I just can't let that happen."

"I think you'll have to," Giles warned him, low and mean, dropping his books to the ground and taking Jenny's hand. "Back off, Angelus. Leave this place."

"Whatcha gonna do, Watcher? Kill me?"

Giles reached inside his bag and pulled out a crossbow, leveling it at Angel's chest. "If I must," he said simply. "Arm yourself," he then ordered Jenny, thrusting his bag at her. She delved into it, bringing up a stake and a cross for protection.

Angel smirked. "You think those things will stop me?"

Giles considered. "Perhaps not. But I have to wonder, Angel…how thoroughly you've thought through this plan. If you kill us here, tonight…Buffy will come after you. Any hesitation she's show before will be gone. I think you know that."

Angel continued his advance. "And yet."

The Watcher was not finished. His eyes steeled and he glared hard at the vampire in front of him, pushing Jenny back behind him as subtly as possible. He spoke, slowly now, enunciating each word clearly, carefully, and sending a shiver down Jenny's spine. "She will hunt you down, Angelus. She will hunt you down and she will not forgive. She will not forget. And she will not stop. Not until you are dead. And I doubt very much that she will stop to take into consideration that you were once the man she loved as she plunges the stake into your heart or takes the ax to your neck." He stopped just feet from the vampire, perilously close, and looked him in the eye. "She will, in fact, step through your ashes, to get to the next fight. And she will win."

Angel stared at the man before him for a brief moment before grinning easily and stepping backward. "This isn't over."

"I should expect not."

"I've done what I came to do…almost, at any rate. The curse is gone. And trust me when I tell you…you won't get another chance to translate it. You'll be dead before that can happen." Angel continued to back up, heading for the door at the far end of the room. "And that, my friends, will be sooner than you think." With those words he backed completely out of the room and swooped down the hall, duster flapping.

Jenny sagged against the chalkboard as Giles turned to her. "Are you all right?" he asked.

She nodded wearily, her entire body quaking with fear. "He was going to kill me. He would have, if not for you."

Giles forced a grin. "I imagine you're right. We shouldn't linger. He may come back, and I really don't know what kind of threat I might be against him. Most of my bravado came from the hot toddy I had in my office earlier."

She looked up now, a smile on her lips. "Drinking on the job?"

"Yes…well. I'm staving off a cold."

Jenny moved to the desk quickly and began gathering her things. "Why did you come back?"

Giles gave her a sheepish grin. "I forgot a book, actually. I was almost to my car when I remembered it. I would have been here more quickly, I'm afraid, but I spent a few minutes talking myself into coming back in here instead of heading to my house. I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened. "Sorry? You saved my life. I don't think apologies are in order. Anyway…his real purpose tonight wasn't to kill me. That part was probably just for fun."

Giles looked confused. "I'm sorry?"

Jenny smiled at him and picked up a disk. "That the one good thing about a hundred and forty-one-year-old vampire. Angel doesn't know anything about computers. First rule of thumb? Always back up your work."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

Giles watched with a sad smile on his face, pleased that not only had Jenny survived, but that he had been the reason for it.

Buffy gave him a loving glance and slipped her hand into his. Together they watched as the scene changed, revealing Buffy fighting Angel near the school. Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, appeared Xander, Giles, Willow, Oz and Cordelia, all with weapons…and chains. The surprise attack worked and Buffy used it to her advantage, sweeping in and kicking out, knocking Angel to the ground, unconscious.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Jenny sat on the library table, legs crossed, eyes closed. The Orb of Thessulah sat in front of her on a pillow of blue velvet. To her right was Cordelia, weaving a web of smoke in the air from the essential herbs needed to perform the ritual. Angel, in the book cage, howled in anguish and frustration at what was about to be done to him. Chains prevented his struggles from being effective.

Jenny spoke first in Latin. "Quod perditum est, invenietur," _//What was lost, shall be found.//_ Then switched to English, "Not dead, nor not of the living. . .Gods, bind him, cast his heart from the demon realm return his soul."

Her eyes rolled back then, causing Willow to gasp. When Jenny spoke again, it was in Rumanian. "Te implor Doamne, nu ignora accasta rugaminte! Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-I va transporta sufletul la el!" _//I call on you, Gods, do not ignore this supplication! Let the orb be the vessel to carry his soul to him!//_

Buffy gripped the arm of the chair she was seated in, her eyes straining on Angel's form in the book cabinet, praying earnestly that this would work, and be over soon.

Wind seemed to pick up now and Jenny was deeply under the bindings of the magics she invoked. "Este scris, aceasta putere este dreptul poporuil meu de a conduce. . ." _//It is written, this power is my people's right to wield. . .//_

She muttered more Rumanian now, the chant seemed to go on forever until finally her entire body stiffened and then her arms came up, pleading to the heavens. "Asa sa fie! Acum!" _//Let it be so! Now!// _she roared.

There was a sudden flash of light and all eyes snapped to Angel. His body went rigid and a rush of energy went through him, causing his eyes to glow momentarily. After a moment he gasped again and slumped to the floor.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

"Jenny did it," Angel murmured.

Willow looked amazed. "Not me. I didn't. I wasn't in the hospital…none of that happened. Spike didn't team up with Buffy to stop all that Acathla stuff."

"She returned his soul before it got that point," Cordelia whispered. "She made up for lying to everyone by returning his soul."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Spike and Dru?"

"They're gone," Buffy told him, sitting back on one of the couches in the mansion. "Left town in a big and fast way after your soul was returned."

Angel grimaced.

"What?"

"I think…he wasn't too happy about me being around Dru," he said hesitantly.

Buffy arched an eyebrow. "And why would that be, exactly?" she said, half-seriously.

He put a hand over hers and squeezed it, but said nothing.

A moment passed between them before Buffy looked away nervously and took a deep breath. "I think that about covers the Adventure of Angelus…"

"But?"

"There's…there's something else. You should know."

Angel sat up, moving one arm to the back of the couch. "What is it? Something else I did?"

"No," she said quickly. "Nothing like that. More like…something you _can_ do now."

"Something I can…?" he caught her expression and his eyes widened. "Something…we…can do?"

Buffy was suddenly terrified and he heard her heart race. "Wow…am I subtle or what?" she chided herself.

"How is this possible?" he asked. "What about the curse?"

Buffy couldn't possibly meet his eyes at that moment. As it was, her face was flaming red. "She took care of it. Put something else into the curse. Changed it. She couldn't change the whole thing…she doesn't speak the language and apparently it's wicked complicated…but she thinks she managed to loop the loophole. Took the rider out of it."

"What does that mean?"

"It means…your soul isn't yours, exactly…but it's close. I mean…Angelus could still make a comeback…but not from…not if…we…"

"She was that specific?"

Buffy sighed, embarrassed beyond belief. "You'll have to ask her. All she told me is, 'I made sure this will never happen again because of you.' Meaning me."

Angel was floored.

**__**

*FLASH!*

February, 1999

"Computer class after school?" Jenny asked Willow as they stopped to part ways in one of the bustling Sunnydale High hallways.

Willow nodded eagerly. "Of course! I can't wait to try out that new laptop. With all the extra memory and the new CD drive…" she gushed, obviously in heaven.

Jenny grinned. "And we'll check out that new site I was telling you about."

"The one that techno-pagan friend of yours set up? The one in Tripoli?" 

The redhead practically bounced as she spoke and Jenny couldn't help but chuckle. "That's the one. He just posted some new stuff this morning…something bad's coming. There are signs."

Now Willow sobered. "Bad is never good. I mean…well, of course not but…you know what I mean. What's up?"

"Don't know yet," Jenny said, shaking her head. "Cryptic messages I figure we'll hand over to Rupert or toss out on the web-ring and see what comes up." She shifted some books in her arms. "Anyway…when you're done uploading all the new software to the systems we'll go over FTP files and the like. Then it's fun stuff."

"Ok! I can't wait!"

"Can't wait for what?" Xander asked, sidling up beside them with Cordelia on his arm.

"Computer stuff after school," Willow told him.

Cordy rolled her eyes. "Again? Jeez. You know? I think you're actually starting to look like Steve Job. And that's not a good thing."

"Only some of it's technical computer-stuff," Jenny told them. "The rest is mystical-computer stuff."

"Things neither of us shallow people are interested in," Xander concluded, kissing Cordelia on the end of her nose.

Buffy strolled up next. "Is this a private pow-wow?"

"The more the merrier, if your home page is www.witchystuff.com," Xander quipped. His joke was received with rolled eyes.

"Lame even for you," Buffy told him, then turned to Jenny. "Have you seen Giles? Or Faith, for that matter? She didn't show up for patrol last night. Things are kinda…odd. I dunno."

"She is rather…twitchy, isn't she? I mean, even Wesley's not that hyper," Cordelia commented.

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. Ever since the thing with the deputy mayor," she said, lowering her voice, "she's not been the friendliest."

Xander rolled his eyes dramatically. "Well, I know after I murder someone then try to blame it on my bestest-Slayer, I'm usually a bucket of sunshine."

"Hey," Buffy grumbled. "We're past that, remember? She was scared, and though her choices in the matter were none that sane people would make, we forgave and she's on the road to recovery."

The bell rang then and they all moved to leave. "If you do see Rupert, Buffy," Jenny called as she headed to class, "tell him to find me. Something's up."

"Something," Buffy repeated gravely. "Not a 'you've just won Publisher's Clearing House' something, I'm guessing."

Jenny shrugged. "What can I say? Never a dull moment."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

"I'm still with Dru!" Spike shouted happily. "Now this is a reality I could get used to. No chips, got my girl…"

"Where am _I_, exactly?" Anya asked impatiently, tapping a foot on the ground.

"Holy schnikies," Xander muttered, eyes-wide, staring at Cordelia. "We're…you're…and us…"

She nodded dumbly. "Spike left. And Willow seems like she's computer-gal instead of spell-gal…so, no Cordelia gets impaled through the heart. Or the torso, for that matter."

"You're not here," Willow told Anya. "Xander and I…we…Xander and Cordelia didn't break up. So probably Oz and I didn't break up."

Xander turned to his ex. "You and I, still together."

"Yeah," a stunned Cordelia nodded.

"This can't end well."

Now Cordelia's head shook. "No, not at all."

"Wesley's here," Dawn offered, giving the ex-Watcher a grin.

"And, hyper, apparently," he noted with a raised eyebrow towards his co-worker. Cordelia winked at him.

Willow spoke to the group. "Lots of stuff changed, then…didn't it? If Angel didn't die, Spike and Dru left…so that means Buffy didn't run away."

Xander nodded. "Which means no welcome-home party with zombies."

"And no Angel gets all freaky and starts seeing ghosts," Cordy chimed in.

"And Faith still showed up," Willow commented.

"The deputy mayor was still murdered, however accidentally," Giles murmured. 

Buffy didn't hear a word any of her friends were saying. Instead, she and Angel were staring at each other.

"No curse," she murmured.

"No curse," he agreed, just as stunned.

"She did it."

"Willow translated that curse from her."

"Yes, she did."

"So does that mean…?"

"All this time…?"

"Oh my God."

Buffy raised her hand shakily. "Seconded."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Sunnydale

March, 1999

Buffy stood, raising her glass and clinking her fork against it, signaling everyone in the room to settle down. "Toast time," she grinned, taking the microphone from the bandleader. She turned, nervously, to the crowd of expectant faces and began. "I've known Giles and Jenny for a while now. First as teachers at school, and then as friends. I don't know which has been more invaluable to me. And nothing makes me happier than to see them together now…not just as coworkers, but as husband and wife." She smiled again anxiously. "I can't think of two people more perfectly matched. And…it's no secret that I'm not good with words…as I'm sure Giles would be quick to agree with, so I'm going to stop using my own and read from a poem that I love…I think it was written for you two."

Buffy turned then to Angel, who reached into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and retrieved a piece of paper. Handing it to her, he clasped her hand and squeezed it supportively. She smiled and turned back to the audience.

__

May the road rise to meet you

May the wind be always at your back

May the sunshine warm on your face

The test of gold is fire

The test of truth is time

The tests of God's love are the heavens above

And everything sublime

Treasures in life are many

Dreams realized, but a few

I know the test of God's goodness

Is when he gave me a friend like you

Her voice broke as she uttered the last words and carefully folded the piece of paper again. She turned loving eyes to Angel, seated next to her, then swept the room, meeting each of her friends in turn before finally settling back on Giles and Jenny. "To my dearest friends, Rupert Giles and Jenny Calendar. I know I speak for all of us when I say our lives are better for having you in them."

Jenny and Giles beamed at her, tears in both their eyes, as they clinked their champagne flutes together and gently kissed each other's lips.

"And now…I think it's time for your first dance," Buffy said graciously, and handed the microphone back to the bandleader.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

"You got married!" Buffy gasped. "And I gave a toast!"

"And you did good!" Willow exclaimed, almost surprised.

Giles continued to watch, fascinated and saddened at the same time.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Sunnydale High School

May, 1999

"Rupert, it's very clear. Something's going to happen. Here. And soon. _Very soon._ And we don't know what, and we don't know when."

"Look, it's no biggie. Me and B'll scope out the town some more, see what's the what and find the bad guys," Faith interjected.

"I don't think it's that simple," Giles murmured thoughtfully. "The portents are clear. A great destruction will fall upon Sunnydale, soon. It's predicted. Unfortunately, we have no idea what or when."

"So…you'll look stuff up," Buffy tried. "That's what we do. You read, we slay. You said there's portents. What do _they_ say?"

Giles removed his glasses and rubbed at tired eyes. "They're unclear. All them. Useless."

Buffy turned to Jenny and Willow at the computers. "Anything on your end?"

Both women shook their heads.

"Fine then," Buffy said, jumping down from her seat on the table. "We're gone. Patrol. Beat up demons for information. You know…"

"Our jobs," Faith finished, coming to her side. "I'm ready. Let's get this done. I'm itchin' to try out that new broadsword."

Buffy smiled at her enthusiasm and turned to Angel. "You in?"

He nodded, watching Faith walk out of the library. Buffy cocked an eyebrow. "See something you like there, mister?"

His eyes ticked back to hers. "Just the opposite."

"What, Faith? What's wrong with Faith?"

Angel watched the swinging door of the library for a moment before shrugging. "Just…for me. Be careful. I have this feeling."

Buffy stared at him for a moment, confused and concerned, before nodding. "Sure. Ok. But I'm sure you're just worrying for nothing. Faith's fine."

Faith appeared at the doorway. "I thought this was a joint effort!"

Buffy and Angel shared another glance, then headed after the younger Slayer. "Slow-pokes," Faith teased. "Where we headed?"

"Willy's, probably," Buffy told her.

Angel nodded. "We'd better check out the Mayor, too. His dealing's lately have been darker than I like in a city leader."

"Yeah," Faith nodded. "No one's into bribes and money laundering anymore." Off Buffy and Angel's looks she quickly continued. "Yeah, okay. I'll hit up the Mayor's, you guys take Willy's."

"Willy's is a no-brainer. I'll come with on the Mayor…you wanna check out the bar, Angel?" Buffy asked.

He shook his head. "Let's do Willy's together. I've got another place in mind after that," he told her.

Buffy glanced at Faith and then took Angel's hand. "Ok. We'll meet up later, okay?"

"Share war-stories," Faith nodded, and headed down the block.

"What was all that about?" Buffy asked after she'd gone. "What other place?"

"There really is another place I want to look into," he told her, watching Faith's retreating figure. "But I wanted to see if she'd go for checking out the Mayor."

"Why? Your 'feeling?'"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"You think Faith's involved with the Mayor?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I just think something's off with her."

"But the Mayor? I mean…how? And why? Faith's still fighting the good fight, Angel. Last night we staked two vamps and killed the Pilar demon. Bad people don't try to rid the world of evil. They invite evil over for tea."

Angel glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. "Ok! Ok! I could be wrong."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Buffy teased.

"Oh yeah? Name one."

"Where should I start?"

They continued to bicker as they headed out for Willy's.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Graduation Day

"It's soon, I'm sure of it," Giles told Buffy. "It's something to do with the Mayor, but what I don't know. It's what all the portents are talking about."

She cocked an eyebrow at him as she sat on the table in the library, her legs swinging. "Okay, great. But what are we going to do about it? We don't even know what 'it' is. Or when. Or where. Or how. We're missing all the key ingredients. And I've got Graduation to attend. Speaking of which, I've gotta book. Mom bought me a new dress, and one for herself, not-matching, thank the Gods. I've got posing in the cap and gown to do."

"Me too," Willow told them. "Mom actually remembered it was today."

"Mark it on the calendar," Xander chimed in. "My parents do _not_ know, a fact which I'm still dancing inside about."

"What time do we have to be there again?" Oz asked.

Willow answered. "Two o'clock for dressing and lining up, the program starts at three."

"What are we doing until then?" he asked her meaningfully.

She shrugged. "Dunno. Can you think of…oh…Oh! Well…sure," she whispered, and they clasped hands. Jumping off the table they headed for the door. "See you guys in a few hours…we're…uh…last minute gown alterations."

Buffy gave them a knowing grin and waved them off. "Cuteness in the purest form," she told Xander.

"Lust-bunnies is more like it," Cordelia sneered, but without much feeling. "I hate our gowns. Why burgundy?"

Faith walked into the room just then. "Check out the collegiate-bounds!" she called out. 

"Are you coming to the ceremony today?" Buffy asked as Faith slid into the chair in front of her. "Party after."

Faith nodded. "Wouldn't miss it for the world. I'll hoot and holler for you all, then we can make with the cake and punch."

**__**

*FLASH!*

The Mayor stepped up to the podium and took out his index cards. "Well. What a day this is. Special day. Today is our centennial, the one-hundredth anniversary of the founding of Sunnydale. And I know what that means to all you kids. Not a darn thing. 'Cause today something much more important happens. Today you all graduate from high school. Today all the pain and the work and the excitement is finally over, and what's a hundred years of history compared to that?"

He paused in his speech and looked out over the bored faces of the Sunnydale graduates and their parents. "But you know what, kids? Maybe the two things are connected. Maybe you have a place in Sunnydale's history, whether you like it or not. It's been a long road getting here, for you, for Sunnydale... there's been achievement, joy, good times... and there's been grief. There's been loss. But we persevere, right?"

"So as we look back on..." He lurched a bit, then continued, " ...on the events that have brought us to this day... we..." Now he gasped and grabbed hold of the sides of the podium, almost as if in pain. 

The sky turned dark; an eclipse shadowed the sun. "What's going on?" Willow asked Buffy, but the Slayer was staring at the Mayor. In confusion she glanced to the right, left, where the guests were seated, and made eye contact with Faith, who winked at her, a grin on her lips. Buffy gasped. Angel had been right.

"We must all... AHH." Now the Mayor screamed before turning back to the audience, excitement mingled with pain on his face. "It has begun. My destiny. Little sooner than I expected --I had a whole section about civic pride, but... I guess we'll just get to the big finish."

With those words there was a great rush of wind and light and suddenly Mayor Wilkins exploded from his human body, now taking the shape of a giant snake. With a mighty roar he reared back and struck, chomping first on Principal Snyder, then heading to the faculty seats.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

"Jennnnnny!" Giles shrieked, leaping towards the fire. Buffy grabbed his arm at the last moment, pulling him back from the flames as they both watched in terror. In a moment, Jenny Calendar was no longer.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Faith jumped to her feet, her expression one of fear and jubilation, and she nimbly stepped on top her chair. The students flew from their seats, screaming, as they followed the parents down the steps of Sunnydale High, only to be accosted by vampires. 

The Mayor and the vampires began to feed. 

"Jenny's dead! Jenny's dead!" Willow screamed, tears on her cheeks. 

"We've got to help these people!" Buffy shrieked as she and Willow ran for safety.

"Oz!! Where's Oz? Xander? Cordelia?"

Buffy looked around fervently. "I don't know. We'll find them. But you've gotta get out of here. I've got to find my mom and…"

"Me," a voice came from behind them. Buffy stopped running and whipped around to find Faith standing there, armed. "Time's up, B."

"What?" Buffy gasped as she received a left hook to the cheek. She fell to the ground, looking up at Willow. Her best friend stared back at her in horror. _"Run."_

"I--" Willow glanced from Faith to Buffy and back again before turning and heading down the steps.

"It's you and me time, girlie," Faith snarled, reaching for Buffy and picking her up by the hair.

"Faith…owww! Wait! What?"

"Not much time for questions! Gotta lot of work to do!" Faith laughed merrily and kicked out, knocking Buffy to the ground. "See…B? The thing I realized a while back…we're different. Always will be. You're a goodie-two-shoes, built to follow orders and take assignments. And I'm like that too. I just prefer to do my beck-and-call work for someone who gets results." She jutted a thumb back towards the Mayor-Snake who was attacking the screaming citizens of Sunnydale with enthusiasm.

Buffy rose to her feet, barely avoiding being mauled by running students. "You're…what? Angel was right?"

Faith shrugged. "Probably. Doesn't much matter now." She began to circle Buffy.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Across the campus the Mayor-Snake was on the rampage and Giles had flown to semi-safety behind some bushes as he assessed the damage. "Jenny," he whispered, brokenly. But now was not the time.

"Mr. Giles!" Giles looked up to see Joyce Summers running past him. "Buffy. Where's Buffy?"

He shook his head. "I—I don't know. I'm sure she's fine. You have to get down!"

Joyce refused. "My daughter's out there! She's out there somewhere, with that hideous snake thing on the loose." With that she turned and ran, calling for Buffy.

"Joyce!" Giles cried, but it was no use.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You're not getting out of this alive, Faith," Buffy announced, as they circled each other.

"Might want to recalculate those odds. I've got the reptile on my side."

Buffy lunged at the brunette, kicking out and knocking her to the ground. Faith rolled and leapt up, delivering a roundhouse that hit Buffy in the chest. She stumbled backwards before regaining her footing and ran back into the mix. It was a flurry of action as the two Slayers fought for domination amid the destruction and chaos around them. Bodies were everywhere, students, parents, teachers. What the vampires drained the Mayor then disposed of.

"Buffy!" a voice screamed.

Buffy took a half-second to note that her mother was behind them, leaning against a tree, somewhat hidden from the Mayor.

"Mom! Stay back!"

Faith glanced to Joyce and grinned. "I think Joyce wants to participate! Go tag her into the ring!"

"Deal with me," Buffy ordered.

"Don't think so." Launching herself into a series of flips, Faith landed squarely in front of Joyce. "Hi mom," she growled, and reached into her waistband, producing a jagged looking knife. "Let's play." Forcing Joyce in front of her, Faith twisted her arm and brought the knife up to Joyce's throat.

"Faith!" Buffy shouted. "No!"

"No? No? Why not, B? It's gonna happen anyway. Mayor's going to finish you all off. Might as well be with a little gash in the jugular than getting ripped in half by snake-teeth. Do snakes even have teeth? Maybe they just swallow you whole. Either way, this has to be the better deal." She inched the knife closer to skin and Joyce whimpered.

Buffy stared in horror, her brain working, trying to think of a way out of this. She met her mother's eyes.

"Faith, don't do this," Joyce pleaded. "Why are you doing this?"

Faith grinned. "Power, Joycee. I've got it. B doesn't. Feels good."

"Killing me will feel good?"

"Actually, probably not. Killing your daughter's going to be pretty nice, though. Been dreamin' about that. You're sorta like icing on the cake, Joyce. Not necessary, but it makes the rest so much better."

"Tell me why, Faith," Buffy requested, her voice very calm but still not masking the panic beneath it.

Faith sighed. "You know, Joyce, I'm a bit disappointed in our dear Buff. She didn't figure it out until it was all too late. And now…look. It's just crazy out here! All because she didn't do her job. She was too busy with Giles and Jenny, planning weddings and dinners and toasts. Too busy to go patrolling with me, when I came across this squat little demon guy who just happened to have these Books of Ascension. Too busy with Angel, shagging like a minx, since he's all uncursed now, to care much about what I was doing. And now…time to pay the piper."

Suddenly, Buffy saw movement from behind Faith and her mother. Willow, Xander and Oz. She saw them assess and regroup, then attack in a flurry of motion. Oz and Xander grabbed Faith's arms, but at the last second, Oz slipped and fell, hitting his head on a large tree root. He lay there, dazed. Faith screeched, enraged now, and broke free of Xander's gasp. With primal rage she looked Buffy in the eye and drew the knife across Joyce's throat.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

"Stop! Stop!" Dawn screamed, crying hysterically. "I don't want to see this! I don't to see this!"

Buffy moved to her sister, crying openly as well, and wrapped her arms around the slender brunette.

"I—I don't get it. Because Jenny lived…we didn't know to stop the Ascension?" Xander asked shakily.

Wesley, seeing that Giles was too upset to speak, took it upon himself to offer an explanation. "Angel wasn't sent to Hell…I think that's one of the triggers. Faith's first feelings of betrayal, from what I'm told, occurred when it was revealed that Angel had been returned…and that Buffy had kept the secret. But the emotional upheaval that occurred with Faith after the murder of the deputy mayor…that seems to have been unavoidable."

"And…Anya never came to Sunnydale. She's the one that told us about the Ascension," Xander pointed out.

"We got so busy…with the wedding and stuff…I mean…Faith was doing well, so we didn't suspect," Willow added. "All that stuff that pointed out the Mayor…she intercepted it all because we were busy."

"Angel suspected her," Gunn pointed out.

"But I didn't act on it," Angel countered.

Buffy ignored them all. Moving to Giles she touched his arm gently. "Are you okay?"

He tried to give her a smile that failed to meet his eyes. "Ah…yes. I'm—I'll be fine. Thank you," he told her. She was unconvinced, but didn't push it. "Thank you," he said to Jackter. "I will remain here."

Jackter rose from his seat. "Who is next?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

TAKE THE CHALLENGE!! Like _The Road Not Taken_? Then check out the fiction challenge inspired by that story!

http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/AnotherLife/Challenge.html

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	12. Angel

Title: _The Road Not Taken_

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered. We've been posting this on the Buffy Cross & Stake for over a week. So, there.*

*~*~*

Two remained. Buffy and Angel glanced back and forth at each other. "Do you want to go?" Buffy asked him, finally.

Angel stared at her. "I don't know," he admitted after a moment. "Do you?"

She shrugged, then gave him a small smile. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours," Angel gave her an odd look, and nodded. "But you first," she added quickly.

He took an unnecessary breath and stepped forward. "I'll go."

"What do you wish to see?" Jackter asked him.

He looked around at the faces of all his friends. "There's a lot I'm curious about. My life…I've lived a long time. Done things. Seen things. I've been catching myself wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't been turned. But…Spike's right. I know how that would have gone. I wasn't a…noble man. I was a bum, frankly. A drunk, a lecher."

"Good times," Spike nodded, raising a flask he produced from seemingly nowhere.

Angel ignored him and continued. "I would have ended up dead in a bar fight at some point. There was no future there for me. My parents…my siblings…they would have lived…but that's over and done with." He paused for a moment. "And then I was turned, and my world changed. I saw the world…the good and the bad. I was _responsible_ for a lot of the bad. For over a hundred years I was the Scourge of Europe, a title that I created for myself and lived up to as best I could."

Now his eyes sought Spike's. "And one night, I fed. Off a gift from Darla…a gypsy girl. And her people exacted their revenge on me with my soul."

"So you want to know what you'd be doing if you hadn't gotten your soul back?" Buffy asked gently.

Angel shook his head. "No…I know that, too. I can't watch myself kill again."

"So…what, then?" Cordelia asked softly.

His head was down now, his voice very low, very grave. "I lived in New York for a long time…I was…I lived on the streets. Feeding from rats, homeless. Hungry. Alone. I thought alone was good. It wasn't. I couldn't bring myself to feed from humans, and I was so…lost. I wasn't a mortal. And I wasn't exactly a vampire. I didn't know what I was, what I was supposed to do in my life. All I knew was that I had to pay for my sins, for all the horror I'd had been capable of, all the lives I had ruined. And then one day, I met someone."

"Who?" Dawn asked.

"A demon. Half-demon, actually. Whistler. He came to me. He knew what I was. The Powers sent him to me, to guide me. To bring me here, to Sunnydale."

"I know this…him. I know him," Buffy said suddenly. "Whistler. He came to me…a long time ago. He told me how to stop Acathla from sucking the world into Hell."

Angel's curiosity was peaked, but he pushed it to the back of his mind for now. "Do you remember when I told you that I saw you called?" he asked Buffy. She nodded. "He was the one who brought me to your school. He told me I had the potential to become someone. Showed me you, showed me how hard you were going to have it. The Powers wanted me to help you…all of you."

They stared at him, eyes wide.

Angel turned to Jackter. "What I'd like to know is…what if I hadn't agreed to come here with Whistler? What would my life be like? And…what would their lives be like?"

__
    
    Cinder and ash, flame and fire,
    'Tis the other's life to see we desire
    Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

**__**

*FLASH!*

Manhattan, 1996

Angel sighed and shifted against the brick wall, mostly hidden by the night. "I want to know who you are."

"And I want to know who _you_ are," the odd little man answered.

"You already do."

The man shrugged. "Not yet. I'm looking to find out. 'Cause you could go either way here."

Angel squinted at him. "I don't understand you."

His companion let out a short laugh and walked to a hot dog vendor on the corner. Angel reluctantly followed. "Nobody understands me. It's my curse. My name's Whistler. Anyway, lately it is."

"You're not a vampire."

The short man in the tacky fedora glanced at him. "A demon, technically. But I'm not a bad guy -- not all demons are dedicated to the destruction of all life. Someone has to maintain balance, you know. Good and evil can't exist without each other, blah blah blah. I'm not like a good fairy or anything, I'm just trying to make it all balance -- do I come off defensive?"

Angel blinked. "What did you mean I could go either way?"

"I mean you could become an even more useless rodent than you are right now, or you could become. . . someone. A person. Someone to be counted."

For a moment, Angel paused, listening. Then with a jerk of his shoulder he stepped off the street. "I just want to be left alone."

Whistler followed. "You've been alone for what, ninety years? And what an impressive package you are. The stink guy!"

Angel turned on him unsteadily. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to see something. It's happening very soon, we'd need to leave now. You see, and then you tell me what you want to do." He watched as Angel considered for a moment.

  
"Where is it?"

Whistler grinned. "How do you feel about sun and surf? Or…well, just surf, in your case?"

The vampire looked confused. "What?"

"It's in California. _She's_ in California, actually. We've got a job for you."

"Who's we? And 'her" for that matter?" Angel asked suspiciously.

__

"We isn't important. I'll leave it as 'the higher powers.' And she…well, she's a girl. That's all I'm saying. I want you to go, to look, and then you tell me what you think."

"You're taking me to see a girl? I don't need a date," Angel snapped.

"Ha! Humor! What a refreshing change of pace!" Whistler hooted. "Seriously. Come on. Whaddya got to lose? Besides your corner of the alley."

"I can't travel," Angel tried again. "How am I going to get there?"

"How'd you get here?"

"Boats."

Whistler paused. "Oh. Well, no, we're not taking the Princess Cruise, sorry. Good old fashioned planes, trains and automobile's, son."

"I want to know why."

"Why what?"

"I want to know why I'm going to see a girl. Who's the girl?"

"Look, I can't tell you just yet. You've gotta trust me," Whistler told him, getting impatient.

Angel jerked a shoulder and settled back onto the ground, closing his eyes wearily. "Then I'm not going."

Whistler's eyes shot wide. "What?"

"I'm not going," Angel repeated.

"Whoa, buddy. You don't know what I'm offering you here."

Angel's eyes opened and he stared pointedly at Whistler. "No, I don't."

Whistler, defeated, stared back. "Fine. But I'm going to get my demon-hide tanned for this. I'm taking you to California. We're going to see a girl…the Slayer."

Angel's expression changed to one of surprise, then amusement. "Get away from me, I'm warning you now."

"You couldn't hurt me right now if you wanted to," Whistler snubbed, kneeling in front of him.

Angel's eyes closed, then opened suddenly and he lunged at Whistler, knocking them backwards onto the ground. Angel was inches from Whistler's face when he hissed. "Go. Away."

When he backed off, Whistler struggled to his feet. "This could change things for you."

"Yeah, I guess they could. I could be a big pile of dust."

"She's not--"

"She's a _Slayer_. She kills vampires. I'm a vampire. I may not be up on the new math, but that still adds up."

"Look, I know it sounds wacky. I'm not here to play the death march for you, you're doing that just fine on your own. The Powers sent me to guide you. But I can't force ya. If you're not interested, you're not interested. You could be someone, Angel. With a home, clean clothes, friends…and hey…a purpose! Or you can stay here, tormenting yourself for the next few hundred years until you get up the nerve to just take a step out into the sunlight and end it all."

He leaned in again, warily, but desperate to make his point. "But it won't end there, will it? You die, you go to hell. Hundred, thousands more years of torment." He stepped back. "Yeah. I can see why taking a plane ride is such a bad decision." With that he turned and walked out of the alley.

Angel leaned against the brick wall, dirty, grimy, and exhausted. Closing his eyes, he tried his best to ignore the hunger in his belly and the sound of Whistler's voice.

*~*~*

"You were homeless. Really, truly homeless," Cordelia murmured. "Like, living in a box homeless. Did you even have a box? Or were you more a street person?" She turned back to the fire. "Wow. Angel. Homeless."

"We get it, Cordy," Buffy told her.

"Talk about movin' on up," Gunn grinned appreciatively.

*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Sunnydale, March, 1997

Buffy stood in front of Giles, angry. "It's my first day! I was afraid that I'd be behind in all the classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I'd have _last month's hair._ I didn't think there would be vampires on campus. And I don't care."

Giles whirled on her. "You have no idea what's going on, do you? Do you think it's a coincidence, your coming here? That boy was just the beginning."

"Oh, why can't you leave me alone?"

Now he stared at her, hard and serious. "Because you are the Slayer."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Giles chased Buffy out into the hall of Sunnydale High, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the side, desperate. "It's getting worse."

"What's getting worse?"  
  
"The influx of the undead, the supernatural occurrences. It's been building for years and now… There's a reason why you're here, and there's a reason why it's now."  
  
"Because now is the time my mom moved _here."_  
  
He ignored her. "Something is coming. Something is going to happen here soon."   
  
"Gee, can you vague that up for me…?"  
  
"As far as I can tell, the signs point to a crucial mystical upheaval very soon – days, possibly less."   
  
She rolled her eyes. _"Come on._ This is Sunnydale. How bad an evil can there be here?"

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Jesse!" Willow screeched as she ran through the cemetery. Buffy, having raced out of the Bronze and into the night with Xander, was right behind them. She whirled to face her friends. "What's going on? What is that?"

"That would be a vampire…am I right?" Xander asked, completely serious as he stopped to catch his breath.

Buffy, barely winded, nodded. "Pointy teeth and all."

"Whoa…_vampire?_ What are you talking about?" Willow asked.

"Vampires are real. I'm a Slayer. Keep it a secret. Any questions?" Without waiting for an answer, Buffy continued to look around for Jesse, frustration evident on her face. "God! How did they get out of here so fast?"   


"So…vampires?" Willow asked, her mind still not catching up.   


"Maybe we should split up?" Xander asked, at a loss.   


"No. I'm going to walk you guys home, and then I'm coming back to look alone." Buffy sighed.   


"Alone?" Willow asked. "But, Buffy, maybe we should stay with you? Just in case?"   


"No. There's nothing you guys can do anyway. You're going home."   


**__**

*FLASH!*   


"I'm really sorry. I couldn't find him," Buffy said sadly as she walked into the library the next morning.  


"Oh, Jesse," Willow moaned, her face falling dejectedly.   


Xander looked almost panicked. "What do you mean, you couldn't find him?"   


"I'm sorry, Xander. I looked all over that cemetery. I couldn't find even a single vampire, let alone Jesse. Tonight we'll go back to the scene of the crime…hit up the Bronze. It's a social spot, lots of people, not too many paying attention to anyone else. Perfect people trap. Maybe we'll recognize one of the vamps from tonight and they'll lead us back to Jesse."   


"You're letting us come this time?" Xander replied sourly.   


"Nothing can happen to you at the Bronze," Buffy replied, ignoring his sarcasm. "It's way crowded, and I can keep an eye on you."   


**__**

*FLASH!*  


"Do you see any of them?" Willow looked around again, craning her neck to see as far as possible. They'd been sitting at the same table for an hour, desperately hoping to find one of the cronies from the night before.  


"No, but I see…Jesse!" Xander shouted suddenly, and took off running. Willow looked in the direction he headed in, and gave a happy squeal before she and Buffy followed.

"Guys!" Jesse cried. "You are never going to believe this. I can't…it's incredible!" he shouted over the din.

"How'd did you get out?" Buffy asked as they led him back to the couches.

Jesse shuddered. "I ditched that chick in the park after she tried to bite me. Bite me! I mean, can you believe it? I ran and hid behind that big clump of trees on the edge of the park, then some guy joined her, so I stayed put. I guess I fell asleep, 'cause the next thing I know the sun's up."

"Yeah, that'll do it," Buffy told him. "You were lucky."

"We were looking for you…or for the people who took you," Willow added. "We thought they might come back here."

  
Jesse grinned when something caught his eyes. "You weren't wrong," he whispered, ash white, and pointing a finger out to the crowd.

Their gazes followed and Buffy's eyes lit on the blonde girl in the Catholic School uniform. She was dancing with a guy they didn't know when she suddenly took his hand and led him to the door. "Time to go to work," Buffy murmured and stood up.

"We're going with you," Xander told her. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

Buffy noted his expression and decided against arguing. "Fine. But stay close together and be careful." They walked outside and Buffy looked around for weapons. An old crate lay on its side next to the dumpster and she quickly broke it into stake-sized pieces. "Aim for the heart."

"Where'd she go?" Willow asked, looking from side to side. The street was empty.

Buffy sighed. "Great. Ok…new plan. Xander, Jesse, you two go that way, Willow and I will go this way. If you run into trouble…scream like a girl. We'll come running."

"What if you get into trouble?" Xander asked them.

Buffy looked at him dead-on. "We won't."

The groups separated and Willow practically clung to Buffy's arm. "Willow…a little breathing room would be nice."

"Sorry," she whispered, but didn't let go.

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Jesse, man, it's so good to have you back. We were worried something happened to you. Like you were dead, or something."

"Nah, man. I'm more alive than ever," Jesse grinned as they strolled around the Bronze.

"So…where are we going?" Xander looked around curiously.

Jesse stepped into an alley. "Nowhere, Xander. Just looking around."

"Yeah, but where are we looking?"

"Doesn't matter," Jess said. His voice was a little muffled, and Xander stepped forward. 

"Jesse?"

Suddenly Jesse turned on Xander, baring his fangs with a growl. "I'm kinda hungry, though." And he dove for Xander's neck. 

As soon as he felt the prick of Jesse's new fangs sing into his skin, Xander gave a yelp and bucked. His arms flew out, pushing Jesse back. Jesse growled loudly in dismay.

"Did you just _bite_ me?" Xander cried incredulously. "You _did!!_ You just bit me! I can't believe you'd try to eat me! I thought we were friends!"

Jesse smirked. "We _are_ friends, Xan! But you were all nervous, and your blood was pumping, and it just sounded really good!"

"You couldn't have asked?"

"You wouldn't have said yes!" Jesse cried defensively.

"Well of _course_ I wouldn't have! I'm not going to let you drink my blood!"

"Well, that's why I didn't ask!"

"You know, Jess, man, you never used to be this rude. Just take, take, take."

"Come on, Xander, I'm sorry. Really."

"It won't happen again?" Xander asked, sounding like a mother scolding her child.

"No," Jesse promised.

"Good." With that, Xander took off running down the alley, as fast as he could go. However, Jesse's reflexes were enhanced, and he grabbed Xander by the time he got a couple of steps away.

"Liar," Xander croaked.

"What can I say, Xan?" Jesse replied, just before sinking his fangs into Xander's neck. "I'm evil."

*~*~*

****

"Oh my God!" cried Willow. "Jesse killed Xander!"

"Jeez. And after everything I did for him when we were kids, too," Xander said petulantly.

"I think you should pick this one, Angel," Spike said happily. "I like seeing the wanker get eaten. Makes me hungry."

"Shut up, Spike," replied at least four different people.

*~*~*

Willow, Giles, and Buffy walked slowly through the streets of Sunnydale, Buffy with a comforting hand on Willow's arm.

"I'm really, sorry, Willow. We'll find them. We will," Buffy promised. 

"But, but what if we don't?" Willow said, her voice small. "What if something's happened to them? They were my best friends, Buffy. I grew up with them."

Buffy pulled her into a hug. "We'll find them. I'll find them."

They released the embrace, and Buffy gave Willow a small smile. The group continued walking. Suddenly Willow stopped. "Xander!" she cried, pointing. Buffy looked into the distance, and saw Xander standing near the Bronze, his back to them. He didn't turn at the sound of his name.

Willow took off running. "Willow, wait!" Buffy cried before taking off after her. Giles started after both girls.

"Xander!" Willow shouted again. Xander still didn't turn, and the group continued running toward him. He stepped into the Bronze, disappearing from view. Willow, Buffy, and Giles caught up, and went through the door as well. Into the dark club.

"Okay, this can't be good," Buffy said flatly. A spotlight shone on a vampire on the stage, who was just taking his mouth off his dead victim's neck.

"Xander?!" called Willow into the din. She looked around frantically, seemingly unaware of the vampire on the stage, drinking the blood of her schoolmates.

"Willow!" Buffy hissed. "Shh!" 

"Bit late," snorted someone beside them. They turned to see the blonde female vampire that Jesse had left the Bronze with two nights before. 

Buffy pushed Willow toward Giles behind her, and stepped up to the vampire with a cocky expression.

"The schoolgirl look went out a long time ago. You should really rethink that wardrobe," she said, looking at the vampire's outfit distastefully.

"Big words from such a little girl."

"At least I'm not a big skanky ho."

"But I'll bet you taste good," said the vampire, lunging for her.

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Okay, _what _do you think you're doing?" Cordelia cried angrily, trying to push her way past Jesse and out of the alley he had dragged her into. "You are _seriously_ deranged."

"Not at all, Cordelia. Just thought you and me could have a little fun, is all."

"With _you?_" she cried. "I don't _think_ so. I do have some standards. You're such a creep. Now get out of my way."

"I don't think he's going to be doing that," Xander said, stepping up behind Jesse.

"Oh, great, now I'm being cornered by _two_ losers. Lucky me!" Cordelia growled sarcastically.

"Jesse, man, go on inside. Cordelia and I have a little business to attend to," Xander said, stepping in front of Jesse.

"Excuse me? I don't think so. Cordelia's mine!" Jesse argued, whirling to glare at Xander.

"Says who?"

"Says me!"

"Why should you get to kill her?" Xander asked angrily.

"Because she's ignored me for years! She won't go out with me! I should get some revenge!"

"What about me? I've hated Cordelia for years! Remember the "I Hate Cordelia" Club?"

"Yeah, yeah, you're the treasurer. I don't care, Xander! I wanna kill her!"

"Whoa, okay…what? Killing me? Right. If you two were even the least bit scary I'd be kicking your asses all the way down this alley right about now," Cordelia broke in heatedly. "But you're not. You're pathetic little boys. Now, get out of my way!" With that she wrestled free of their grips and began to storm off.

Jesse and Xander stood, speechless, for a brief moment. "You know…I'd be up for…sharing," Jesse offered.

"Sounds like a workable plan," Xander replied huskily, leering after Cordelia's retreating figure. They took off down the alley and ran around her, blocking her path once more.

Cordelia sighed and put one hand on her hip. "You have three seconds before I embarrass you."

"We don't think so," Jesse growled, and his face morphed.

Cordelia gasped and leapt towards Xander. "Oh my God! Look at--" she looked to his face for comfort and shrieked again as her eyes met bright amber ones.

They moved in.

*~*~*

****

"You _killed_ me??" Cordelia cried, smacking Xander on the arm. Xander rubbed his arm.

"Ow! I didn't do it!"

"I just _watched_ you do it!" Cordelia cried loudly.

"Yeah, but that's vamp-me! I wouldn't do it if I weren't an evil soulless vampire!!"

"I'm surprised you had the stones to do it _as_ a vampire, Monkey-Boy," Spike said, rolling his eyes and taking a drag from his cigarette.

"Shut up, Spike," most of the group snapped.

*~*~*

"You two need to stay here, and get as many people out as you can," Buffy directed Giles and Willow, looking after where the blonde vampire had disappeared. "She's probably going home. I'm going to see who she answers to. You guys _be careful._ That vamp looks strong."

Giles started to protest and Buffy cut him off. "I'm the Slayer, it's my job, and I do it alone. Get them out." She turned and took off into the night.

Buffy looked around the darkened street, seeing a flash of tacky blue plaid swirl around a corner, and she took off running. She turned the same corner, and looked around again. A flicker of blonde hair, and she was off running again, turning corners, not gaining on the vampire, but not losing her either. Buffy soon found herself in one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. From the corner of her eye, she saw movement near the door of a mausoleum, and headed toward it. 

Buffy slowly opened the door, and peeked in. Nothing. She almost turned around and left, to go look for the vampire, when she heard a small scraping. She whirled, toward the sound, and noticed that the iron gate toward the back was vibrating a little. Buffy stared at it for a moment.

"Well. _That's_ a trap. And not a very good one," she muttered to herself before wrenching open the gate and stepping gingerly into the sewer beyond it.

*~*~*

****

"I'm following Darla into a trap?" Buffy asked skeptically. "Did Angel make me smarter or something? Because that's just not in the Buffy Survival Skills Handbook."

"At least you knew it was a trap," Willow said, trying to be comforting.

"Biiiiiig help," replied Buffy.

*~*~*

"Hello? I'm looking for a big scary vampire? Or a little slutty blonde one?" Buffy called into the huge chamber she found. It seemed to be an altar, centered on a large chair that faced away from her. She watched as a figure stood up from the chair and turned to face her.

"Slayer," He rasped.

"Wow. You're ugly," Buffy said with a smirk as she approached the vampire.

"And you're about to be quite dead," he replied bemusedly. "And the most glorious part of this entire episode is that you have no idea that I knew of you…that you would come to me…and that you are destined to die by my hand. Albeit, I didn't expect this so soon."

Buffy looked bored. "We could listen to you yap for a while longer, or I could just use my handy little stake here to make you dust," she offered.

"Try it." He held out a hand and she was forcefully pulled towards him though her body struggled against his magic. Suddenly he was behind her, grabbing her around her chin and arms. He whispered into her ear, "This was inevitable, Slayer. It is your destiny." Holding her down as his fangs sunk into her neck. He drank for a few moments, until she was so weak she couldn't move, then let her drop, falling facedown into a pool of sewer water.

"Mmm," he said. "Slayer blood. Tasty…like a cocktail, with a kick." He stepped forward with a gleeful expression, and continued walking out of what had, until now, once been his prison.

*~*~*

"The Master killed you," Angel said, his voice quiet.

"I didn't even last a _week_ in Sunnydale!" Buffy pouted.

"I think that's enough," Angel said.

"No, Angel. We still haven't seen what happens to you," Cordelia argued.

Angel sighed. "Fine…but I'm telling you now…if it gets worse, that's it. It's over."

"Very well," Jackter said, continuing the vision.

*~*~*

**__**

Manhattan, 

October, 1999

Angel rarely came to the 84th Street Shelter. The cold didn't bother him, neither did the heat, but the thought of a comfortable bed, even a cot, was inviting enough to get him to walk the nine blocks in one of the worst storms the winter had yet seen.

He approached the door with caution, alert even through the fog of hunger. He wouldn't find food here, he knew. Not his kind, anyway. It didn't really matter. Eating wasn't a priority any more. Nothing mattered, really, if he thought about it. Eventually the hunger would pass, the cramping in his belly would cease, and the numbness of undead living would once again creep up throughout his body.

He'd stayed in this shelter once or twice before, months apart, and now recognized no one as he walked through the halls, keeping his head down. The thought of a shower sounded in his brain…water, warm and soapy. His nails were grimy and caked with dirt, his clothes were tattered and soiled from the harshness of the New York streets. A shower would be priority number one, though the lines were bound to be long. The 84th was one of the few facilities that offered showers, making it one of the most popular among the homeless. And you didn't get a shower for nothing. It required a can of food, or a dollar donation, something not many that visited here had.

An hour later, his hair still damp, he shrugged back into the filthy clothing, hoping that the feeling of cleanliness would at least last him until he sank onto a cot and slumbered the night, and most of the morning, away. The blankets were stiff and the cot tiny, but it was heaven all the same. Closing his eyes, Angel slept.

Something woke him hours later. When he looked up the room was dim and, for the most part, quiet. Nothing was moving that should have alerted him, especially through sleep. Ignoring the nagging in the back of his head he bundled down further into the pillow and closed his eyes. Then he opened them again.

Grass green eyes were staring at him from the next cot over. Angel was a little stunned, then perturbed. Giving the peeper a hard glare he shut his eyes again only to hear a faint chuckle.

His eyes opened again. "Can I help you with something?" he asked.

The face across from him, a man, dark hair to contrast his bright eyes, broke into a grin. "Just wondering who you are."

"I'm sleeping," Angel told him gruffly and closed his eyes for a third time that night.

"Well, Sleeping. That's odd. Cain't say I've heard that name much. Meself, I thought you looked more like an angel."

Angel's eyes flew open.

"I know what yer thinkin'. Sayin' that to any other bloke'd get my ass kicked from here to the bleedin' Mother Land. But…it's yer name, so I guess it doesn't sound so bad."

Angel sat up slowly and the man mimicked him. "Who are you?" the vampire fairly growled, glancing around.

"I think I asked you first," the man said pointedly. "But, since I'm an agreeable fellow, I'll play along. Name's Doyle. I'm 'ere ta talk to ya."

"About what? How do you know my name?" Angel asked suspiciously.

Doyle looked at him seriously. "I'm not the first stranger you've come across who knew more about you than you'd care, am I? Think back…couple, three years ago? Annoying little worm by the name o' Whistler? Natty dresser."

Angel's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, so?"

"Let's say…the message didn't get through that time. Line was busy. So they sent me. Second try."

"I'm still not interested," Angel told him and turned his back on the man with the oh-so-familiar Irish accent, settling back down on the cot.

"You haven't even heard me out!" Doyle whispered fervently, rising from the cot and falling to one knee next to Angel's bed. He spoke to the back of the vampire's head. "They sent me with a message."

Angel didn't answer, and Doyle pushed ahead. "Said to tell you that things are really pretty jacked up thanks to you. You didn't listen the first time they took the time out to worry about a lower being and now the whole world's just going to Hell in a handbasket."

Angel rolled his eyes and tilted his head backward just enough to be heard. "Nice pep talk. Keep this up, I'll be doing anything they say."

Doyle sighed. "Look, you were supposed to go to this Sunnydell place or wherever, help out this Slayer and her chums. You didn't. She's dead. Half her friends are dead. And big evil's a-risin'. Some of your old pals are there, too. The Master…Darla…" Doyle waited and was pleased to see Angel's body stiffen at the mention of his former mate. "There all there, raisin' Cain and pretty much doin' what they can to keep that town out of the California Tourism Guides."

"So?"

"So? You changed all that, mate! You're that important! If you'd been there…well…let me tell ya. I've seen some of the director's cut. Pretty big stuff. You being there woulda made a world of difference. Plus, you and this Slayer?" Doyle made a rude noise that put Angel's vampire reflexes to use. He flipped suddenly and had the man by the throat.

"I'm going to ask you again. Then I'm going to get unfriendly. What do you want?" he growled, morphing into vamp face for a brief, terrifying second before returning to his human visage.

Doyle gulped and clutched at his throat. Angel loosened his grip but didn't let go entirely. "Ok! Ok! Look. I'm here to try and get you to stay on our side. The Powers give me visions. I don't know why, I don't know how, but they told me what to do with them. I'm supposed to help you. And last night, I got a mother of a sneak preview at some stuff coming up. It involves you. And a snarky character by the name of Angelus." Angel's head whipped up. "Yeah. Now yer listenin'. Angelus, mate. That guy you've spent the better part of the last hundred years brooding over but doing nothing about. You could be atoning right now. Instead yer here, pitying yerself."

Angel released Doyle completely and stared at him.

Doyle nodded. "The wheels turnin' now? Angelus is gonna come out to play, mate. In a couple days someone's gonna find you. Blonde, gorgeous…dead. Goes by the name, 'Sire?' She's going to find you, and she's going to show you how to get rid of yer soul. And yer gonna go to Boston and kill the newest Slayer, a little spitfire named Faith. And after Faith…well, I probably don't need to tell ya what's on the menu, do I? You and Darla, back together again?"

"Darla?" a stunned Angel whispered.

Apprehensive green eyes blinked. "The one and only. Whistler told you you could go either way. I'm telling you the same thing. Look, Angel. I've seen it. I've seen the stuff you were supposed to do, and I've seen the stuff you might still. The life you would have had, if you'd followed Whistler…it wasn't too shabby. Got yerself cleaned up, got some friends, got some lovin'…okay, so you got run through the gut and sent to Hell by your true love…but we'll gloss over that and get to the big picture," he said quickly, moving on. "The Powers are giving you chance after chance, in either life. They need you on their side, for the good of mankind and all that crap. You can listen to me, and use what I'm telling you to hang on to that soul of yours, and become someone pretty damned important, or you can let that hussy sire take it from you and start on the road to Hell all over again."

He finished his speech and took a breath, sitting back on his own cot. Angel stared at him for a minute, unblinking, then ticked his eyes around the room, thinking. After a minute he turned back to Doyle. "Why me?"

Doyle let out a short laugh. "Your guess is as good as mine. I mean, why me? Why do I get the mind-shattering visions? We're just lucky, I guess. Besides, it's not every day they run across a vampire with a soul."

"You're not human," Angel observed.

A black eyebrow went up indignantly. "We'll work on your manners later. No, I'm not. Not entirely. Got a little demon in me, nothing special."

The vampire was quiet again for a moment, his eyes cast to the ground. "I was supposed to go to California and help the Slayer?"

  
"Yeah."

"And now she's dead."

Doyle noted the slight amount of regret in his voice. "Yeah, she is."

"I would have helped her."

"For a few years, yeah…then you'd have moved on, taken the fight somewhere else."

"A vampire and a Slayer?"

"And a witch, and a werewolf and a Watcher, oh my!" Doyle sighed. "Get past it, mate, it's done. I need an answer. You can go back to sleepin' in this leper colony, or you can come with me, back to my place, we'll get you some clothes, some food," he wiggled his eyebrows knowingly, "and we'll prepare you for what's about to come."

Angel hesitated.

"You really want to be homeless forever? The Powers, they showed me a bit of your life as Angelus. The man had taste. It must just be killin' the demon inside you to be dressed like this."

Angel rolled his eyes and stood up. "Where are we going?"

*~*~*

****

"Holy crap," Cordelia whispered, one hand covering her mouth in awe. "That man just gets around, doesn't he? He's in everybody else's 'other lives' but mine!"

"Darla's still alive…the Master took over Sunnydale," Xander noted. "That can't be good. But hey! I'm a vampire, so it's probably not a big deal to me."

"To you!" Willow cried. "I'm still there, with Giles!"

Buffy gave her a sympathetic smile. "Faith's been called. I guess Kendra died after all."

"But she's not in Sunnydale…which means I may not be sent there either," Wesley pointed out.

Angel continued to stare at himself, and his long-lost friend, in the flickering flames.

*~*~*

**__**

*FLASH!*

Angel moved gracefully around the room of the abandoned gym Doyle had clued him in to. "Went bankrupt, left town, and their equipment, or most of it anyway. Now some demons run it for the underground. I can get us in," he'd said.

The broadsword in his hand, his mind turned, remembering how it felt to hold a weapon, going over the movements required for battle. It came back quickly.

"You know, for a guy who's been more or less out of commission for the last hundred years…" Doyle teased, looking up from his magazine on the other side of the room. "You're making me look bad."

Angel spared him a glance as he whirled and thrust the sword at an imaginary enemy. "If you got up off that couch and tried this it might help."

"That's work," Doyle pointed out and went back to his article.

"A few days isn't going to get me back to my full strength," Angel told him, as he finished a flurry of twists and turns, ending up rolling on the floor and landing in front of the visionary.

"This chick that tough?"

Angel chuckled. "She's…cunning."

"Maybe she'll leave once she hears you're not interested."

Now Angel laughed. "You don't know Darla."

"And I suppose you think you do," a female voice purred.

Doyle dropped his magazine as Angel whipped around, sword coming up. "Hello, Darla," he muttered.

She smiled saucily. "Hello, Angelus. It's been so long."

"Just a few decades…since you abandoned me and left me for dead. But who's counting?"

She clucked her tongue. "You were strong…I wasn't worried."

"That was painfully obvious."

"Nice digs," she noted, looking around at the dismal gym. "But I guess it's a step up from being homeless."

"What do you want, Darla?" he growled as she strolled lazily around the room.

Darla smiled. "Well…you, of course."

Angel cocked his head. "Yeah, I've heard that. I'm not interested."

"You haven't even heard what I have to offer, lover."

"Doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it?" she asked, her tone indicating surprise, but her facial expression still dead serious. "I can only imagine how long these last hundred years have been. I've been living it to the hilt at the hand of the Master…you've been living on Skid Row with the whinos. I'd say I got the better deal."

"Things are changing," he growled, moving away from her as she continued to circle the room.

She laughed. "I can see that. You've got a friend now," she observed, glancing at Doyle. He swallowed, his expression steely. "How nice for you."

"How'd you find me? I haven't seen you in years."

She stopped in her tracks and turned to him. "That's the nice thing about magic, Angel. The Master is powerful in Sunnydale. It's on a Hellmouth, you know. And everyone there fears us…they do our bidding. A while ago I got it in my head to wonder where you might be…and a simple locator spell later…here I am. Thought I'd look you, for old times sake."

"You're wasting your time."

"Don't take that tone with me, Angelus," she snapped, losing her patience. "Enough of the chitchat. This is no life for you! We were once the most powerful vampires in all of Europe. Together. You were magnificent, nothing was too much for you! And look at you now! Souled…and pathetic. Do you _enjoy_ living off rats? Never tasting hot, fresh, human blood?" She inched closer to him, finally running a finger down his neck. "Don't you miss…contact?" she purred suggestively. "The touch of another body…the sound of a friendly voice? I can give you that. There's a way. You can be the man you once were…powerful…in control…"

The temptation was there. It sang to him, called to his every being and the demon inside howled. She sensed that. "Yeeeess…" she hissed in his ear. "I can hear it too. You know where you belong. You know what you are. What you were…what you can still be."

"Angel, man, don't listen to her!" Doyle cried and Darla scowled at him. He glanced at her, nervously. "You know what I told you…you can become that guy without being an evil soul. You don't need her to be someone!"

Darla glared at him, then softened and turned back to Angel. "Angelus…don't you remember? All the times we shared…we can do that again…just the two of us…we'll leave the Master…ruin America, then return to our old stomping grounds and decimate towns…"

Angel closed his eyes against her words.

"We can kill the Slayer…I know where she is…"

Her words stirred something in him. The Powers had asked him to protect one Slayer, to fight at her side, and he'd ignored their call. Now he was here…with a second chance…

He threw her arm off his. "Leave, Darla," he ordered, pushing her back.

She stumbled. "What?!"

"I said leave. Don't bother me again," he growled, turning his back to her and picking up a gym towel.

"Angelus," she grinned. "You're not thinking! This is no life for you! You're nothing here! You are meant for so much better!"

He turned now. "That's what they tell me."

"I don't accept that. That—that's ludicrous. Angel…I'm offering you the world…what we once had--"

"Is over."

His tone was final, and his words hit her heart. Her mouth hung open for a moment before she closed it slowly and her eyes steeled. "Give it time, Angelus. You _will_ come back to the fold. You won't make it like this…being noble isn't in you. It never was. You were weak when I found you, you're weak again." She turned on her heel and headed to the door. Looking back once, hate and regret mingling in her eyes, she told him, "You know where to find me."

Angel watched her go, a twinge of remorse hitting his heart.

"Woah…man, Angel. Are you okay? What a bitch!" Doyle gasped. "I mean, I've come across some girls with brass…yyeeoooww!" he screamed suddenly, clutching at the sides of his head as a vision came over him. It lasted a few moments and when the pain subsided he sunk to the ground. Angel, worried, knelt down next to him. Doyle's eyes opened wildly. "We gotta go."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"She's around here somewhere. It's an alley-way. I don't know which one, they all look alike," Doyle whispered as he and Angel walked the streets in search of Darla. "You'd think these soddin' visions could include a street sign or two once in a while."

"Dark-haired girl fighting for her life? That's what you saw?" Angel whispered back.

Doyle nodded. "Yeah, and an older woman. Fighting some antique-looking vampire and your sire."

"That shouldn't be too hard to miss." He glanced around when his ears suddenly perked up and he heard the sounds of fighting. "This way!" he called, running past Doyle and down a darkened street.

He rounded a corner a moment later, Doyle slightly farther behind, and found an athletic brunette standing in front of an older, slightly prim, woman. "Back off," the girl hissed.

Angel stepped off the sidewalk, still hidden by a parked car.

The vampire was huge, and he had company. Maybe half a dozen vampires were lingering near their boss. To his right, stood Darla. "I think I'll just go right through you," he growled and reached for the girl.

Darla smirked. "You never were one to wait, were you?"

"Faith!" the woman shouted as the girl flew into action. She had strength and speed like no one Angel had ever seen. Quickly the woman moved back, but was unable to escape with the minions hanging about.

"Don't go anywhere, sweetie!" Darla cried merrily.

"I think we've found our Slayer," Doyle whispered, watching wide-eyed as the girl fought the leader and still defended herself from the lackeys.

"And she's gonna need help," Angel told him, and jumped out into the street. Running towards the group he felt his energy kick up a notch. It had been so long since he'd engaged in a really good fight. Leaping into the fray he pulled a stake from his coat pocket and kicked out at one of the lingering vamps. Another rushed him and he whirled, bringing the stake up and dusting him, then ducking the punches of another.

"Angel!" Darla gasped, shocked yet not displeased. "Finally decided to come out and play?"

He smirked and shoved her out of the way. His sire landed on her rear, skidding across the pavement. "I'm ready if you are."

Darla, her pride hurt more than her posterior, got over it quickly and jumped to her feet. "You don't want to fight me."

"I think you'll find you don't know me as well as you used to."

Darla laughed. "Look at you! A few days with the Boy Scout and you're suddenly a righteous man?! It doesn't work that way Angelus. You and I have history. Involved for decades. That doesn't just go away. You can't kill me…and you won't fight me."

At that moment the Slayer spun and she noticed the newcomer. "Who are you?!" she shouted, kicking out and knocking a vamp into a dumpster. Two more vampires followed and Angel was distracted from Darla for a moment. "Later!" Angel shouted and tossed her his stake, which she brought up just in time to take out an oncoming foe.

Doyle, not one for battle, sneaked up the sidewalk and grabbed the woman, Faith's Watcher, and pulled her back to safety. "I'm thinking this'll be over in a second," he told her. They watched together, fascinated, as Angel grabbed the leader by his cloak and threw him backwards.

hr

"That's Kakistos!" Buffy cried, watching the younger Slayer do battle with the vampire she'd come to Sunnydale to escape. She turned to Angel. "You're helping her in Boston…Kakistos killed her Watcher."

hr

Kakistos was enraged at the help the Slayer was receiving and threw himself back into the battle, coming up behind Faith and picking her up, over his head. He launched her towards the wall of a nearby building and her body crumpled to the ground. Angel took out the last two vampires he was battling and ran to her aide.

"Here!" he shouted as Faith stood, shakily, and prepared to fight for her life as Kakistos advanced on her. The Slayer looked up at his shout and held up her hand, grabbing the broken broom handle he was tossing her way.

Faith plucked it out of the air and thrust it towards the demon's heart. It went in with a sickening sound, but he remained standing. Her eyes were wild as he laughed and moved towards her, arms outstretched. Angel could see her fear from his vantage point and ran, full speed towards the elder vampire. Leaping at the last second he kicked out with both legs as Faith continued to try and push the stake into Kakistos' heart. Together, it was enough. The impact of Angel's kick pushed the broom handle in, and the vampire was dust.

Darla looked from Angel to Faith with disgust. Letting out a shriek she ran at Angel.

"Faith!" her Watcher called, and tossed something through the air.

Faith caught it easily and brought the weapon up. Crossbow. Before Angel could stop her, the arrow went flying.

"No!" he cried, but the word died in the air, along with his sire. In a split second, she was dust. The last thing he saw was the surprise in her eyes that turned to terror as her form exploded around them.

He stood there, stunned.

When it cleared, Faith dropped the broom shakily. Looking up, brushing hair from her eyes, she asked, "Who the Hell are you? I mean…thanks…but…who the Hell are you?"

Angel glanced at Doyle and the Watcher. "We're friends," Doyle spoke up as Angel continued to stare at the spot Darla had been standing. "We…were sorta told to come here…and help you."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Boston, MA

Home of Sandra Porter, Watcher

"So, let me get this straight. You had a vision that I was in danger, so you two just packed up and headed out?" Faith asked, propping a leg up on the kitchen table. Sandra, her Watcher, gave her a disdainful look and the leg quickly came down.

Doyle nodded. "'Bout sums it up."

Sandra poured him more tea and watched Angel warily under her lids. For the past two hours the men had rehashed their story. The part about Angel being a vampire wasn't being taken too well, as expected.

"And you have a soul," Faith repeated for the tenth time that night.

Angel nodded. "Look, I know it's hard to believe…I still have trouble with it, and I've been living this way for the past hundred years."

"It's true that Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, disappeared off the map right around the turn of the century," Sandra told them. "I once wrote a conducted a class at the Council headquarters on the most dangerous vampires in history. You were number six."

Angel was not proud. "You can trust me or don't, I don't care. My mission, as it seems, was to come down here and help you. Which I've done. I think we're finished here."

"I'd agree, except for this vision I'm about to get…" Doyle said as he slammed his head down onto the kitchen table as the pain rocketed through him. When it was over he sat up, gasping. "Ready for another trip? Seems like the Powers That Be aren't going to be happy until you take a trek to Sunnydale."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"I still don't know why you insisted on coming," Angel grumbled as he, Faith and Doyle patrolled the unfamiliar streets of Sunnydale.

Faith bounced along side him, enthusiastic as ever. "Come on! A chance to see the coast, get some sun, check out an actual Hellmouth? Besides. You've been back in the game, what, a week? And suddenly you think you're capable of taking out this Master guy? I don't think so, beefcake."

He grimaced and consulted the directions in his hands. "Here…up ahead," he nodded in the direction of an apartment building. They walked to the door and knocked. A moment later it was opened by a middle-aged gentleman in glasses.

"Ah, Hello…you must be…you must be Faith and Doyle. And…Angelus," he said somewhat nervously in a soft British accent. "I'm Rupert Giles, please…ah…do come in."

Faith grinned. "Relax. He's housebroken," she said, jerking a thumb at Angel as she strolled inside. "Besides. You got me."

Mr. Giles gave her a bemused smile. "Please," he said, indicating his couch. They sat, and a redhead girl and two boys, all about high-school age, appeared in the doorway. "Ah, Willow…this is Willow, Oz, and Larry. We are, I'm afraid, all the help you'll receive in this town. Most of the other residents have been scared off. Willow's parents…our friends…I'm afraid most of the people we knew are either gone or dead."

Faith glanced at the timid girl. "Sorry…'bout your folks," she offered uncomfortably. "That sucks."

Willow shrugged and gave her a small smile. "S'ok. So…you're the Slayer. I knew a Slayer once. Buffy. She—she wasn't here long."

"Yeah…I heard. We're gonna take care of that little Master-problem you guys have," Faith told her. "Don't worry."

"I don't think you know what you're dealing with," Larry cut in.

"We've met before. The Master is my responsibility," Angel told them quietly. "It's complicated…to explain how I know this, but that much is true. I'll take him out for you…get things back to the way they should be."

"The way they should be?" Oz asked.

Angel nodded. "Like I said, complicated. But, trust me. Things are going to get better. I just need someone to show me where he is."

"I'll explain it while the two heroes are out there hunting down the bad guys," Doyle offered.

Willow stood up suddenly. "I've got it all here," she said, and walked to the laptop computer on Giles' dining room table. "Mapped out, so you'll know exactly where you're going, including all the exits and possible escapes through the sewers. If I were you…I'd walk around in vamp face. It'll make you less suspicious. Especially with her being around you," she said, nodding towards Faith.

"Sounds like you guys do a lot of this," Faith noted.

"Like I said, we've lost a lot of friends over the past year and a half," Giles repeated. "I stayed on…after my…after the Slayer was gone and the Master rose. Someone…well, someone had to do something, I suppose. The four of us…we do what we can, without looking for trouble. It's not much…but, I suppose it makes us feel we're making a difference. I don't know."

"We're going with you," Oz told Angel and Faith, nodding to Larry.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Faith began. "Slayers work alone."

"The last Slayer we knew worked alone and she's dead," Willow told the brunette sternly. "You want our help…we want to help."

Faith glanced at Angel, then shrugged. "Whatever. You guys got weapons?"

Larry opened the trunk before him, revealing an array of weaponry. Faith cocked an eyebrow. "Kickin'. I say we party."

*~*~*

The ragtag group headed out, in the direction of what Oz and Larry referred to as, "The Bronze."

"It used to be the local hot-spot, until the Master rose and made it his playground," Larry informed them as they walked. "He lives in the basement, which has open access to all the sewers. That's where we'll find him and his right-hand vamps."

"How many we talkin'?" Faith asked.

Oz shrugged. "How many are in an army, generally?"

Faith and Angel exchanged a glance and they rounded a corner. "Here we are," Oz murmured. "What's the plan?"

The Slayer checked out the scene. "Sun'll be up soon, so vamps should be heading off for beddy-bye. Good time to strike. We'll head in, take out what we can on the main floor. Work our way downstairs. The Master's Angel's fight, but I'm gonna be there," she told him, emphasizing her last words. "Things get rough, you can't expect me to back off. This guy has to be taken out no matter what."

Angel nodded. "Let's go. You two, stay back," he instructed Oz and Larry.

They entered the Bronze to find a few vamps lingering. Angel walked in first, morphing into vamp face before the door opened, and no one payed him any attention. The three humans behind him, however, were a different matter. Their scent was strong to vampire senses, even in the din of a nightclub, and instantly all eyes were on the newcomers.

"Dinner's here," one of them grinned, standing up from his seat at the bar and heading over to the small group. He was joined by several others.

"We got this," Faith whispered to Angel. "You get to the Master." She brightened then and spoke loud enough for the vampires to hear her. "This isn't the high school dance? Huh. Looks boring enough…our mistake."

The vampires neared and Faith grinned. "Go!" she shouted and jumped up, spinning and kicking out, knocking down three of the on-coming vamps. Oz and Larry pulled weapons from their coats and, with silent oaths, ran to help her as best they could. Angel scanned the room quickly and found the stairwell to the basement. He began working his way across the room, fighting off any vampires that happened to get in his way, and soon reached the stairs. Glancing back he saw that Faith and the others had control of the situation upstairs. It almost appeared that the Slayer was enjoying herself as he watched her deliver a series of one-two punches to a female vampire. He headed down into the dark.

Once in the basement he noted the storage room to his left and the completely out-of-place jail cell to his right, ignored them, and sniffed out the sewer entrance hidden behind some large packing crates. Gingerly he entered the tunnels, honing his senses, and began to pick his way towards the Master. Gut instinct directed him.

He walked for a few minutes until a tingling sensation started up his spine. He turned a corner and came face to face with an imperfect hole in the sewer walls. It went down. A moment later he was descending into the bowels of the Hellmouth. The grounds opened up into grand caverns, archaic and medieval. And lighted by torches. He was in the right spot.

Once he reached the bottom of the stairs he noted that while the caverns were lighted, and apparently occupied as his eyes gleaned over various furnishings, it was also empty of life. To the naked eye, that is. Everything in him screamed that he was in danger, that something lurked. He wasn't wrong.

"Ah…Angel," a deep voice called from the shadows.

Angel turned in the direction it came from, defenses up. "Been waiting for me?"

The voice laughed. "For years, as it were. The most savage creature I ever knew, and so useless with that hindrance of a soul." The Master stepped out of the dark, the candle light flickering over his wrinkled face. "Come back to beg my forgiveness, my prodigal son?"

"Hardly. But I think you know that," Angel sneered.

"Yes," the Master mused. "You've come to kill me. I see you've already had a hand in taking Darla from me…my most favorite childe…how could you, Angelus, really? She was your sire. That's the problem with the younger generations…no respect for your elders."

"Is this really necessary?" Angel asked. "You were never much on the banter, if I recall. Of course, I didn't really give you much of a chance to chitchat did I? No…I just swept in and collected Darla, took her right from your arms…showed her the world. Even after all these years…you know what she spoke of when we met the other day? Leaving you again, for me. Getting out from underneath your boot."

The Master snarled. "She was a fickle girl. Just as you are an arrogant being, Angelus. It's always been your problem, even then. You didn't want to obey your father, as you didn't want to obey me…grandfather. You could have learned so much…and yet."

"And yet," Angel acknowledged.

As was his nature, the Master changed topics. "Do you like this place? It's so much cozier than those catacombs…what…two-hundred years ago? It's hard to believe that's the last time we stood face to face. It's no more pleasant now than it was then, I'm afraid."

"Still living below ground…even in the town you," Angel made air-quotes with his fingers, "own."

"I choose to live away from what little human pestilence remains in this place," the Master countered, strolling casually around the rock formations. "And I like the acoustics here. You haven't lived until you've heard the Berlioz' _Symphony Fantastique_ ricocheting off these walls." He paused, eyes ticking back to his Grandsire's. "You've come to kill me."

Angel shrugged. "Seems fitting…I killed my parents, my siblings…my sire…I figured I might as well round out the family tree and pay you a visit."

"Then we should get to it," the Master agreed, and sprang. Angel was ready for it and dodged him easily, turning and getting his footing on the loose rock. He produced the broadsword from beneath his duster, stabbing at the air as the Master danced out of the way, easily.

"It's been too long, Angelus, you're not ready."

"We'll see about that," he answered and swung the sword mightily. The fight moved around the large underground room, the sword in Angel's hand quickly putting the Master at a disadvantage. He thrust and drew first blood, slashing a line down the elder vampire's torso. The Master let out an outraged cry and stepped up his attack. Reaching his throne he ducked behind it and reappeared with his own weapon, a gleaming rapier, grinning as he brought it up suddenly. The playing field was now leveled.

The fight continued with wild and graceful thrusts of the sword, all of Angel's training come back to him in an instant and he moved around the room with precision and vigor, countering the Master's thrusts. 

"You've remembered the old ways," the Master noted as he whipped around and almost took off Angel's arm.

Angel didn't answer him with words, instead he dodged the blade of the Master's sword and spun, kicking out and knocking the Master's feet out from under him. He fell to the ground with a crash and rolled to one side, pushing himself up and bringing his arm over his head, blocking Angel's broadsword that was being brought down with mighty strength.

He shoved Angel off and spun, pushing Angel back. The ground they were standing on ended suddenly, dipping down to a lower part of the cavern, and Angel was forced to flip backwards to avoid the swiping blade. He stumbled as he landed and fell to the ground. The Master flew to his side and raised the blade, ready to take off Angel's head when the younger vampire rolled quickly and grabbed the leg of a standing lantern. He pulled it down, crashing it into the Master. Sparks and hot ash flew, burning him, and the Master let out a howl of pain while Angel got to his feet, looking around wildly for the sword that had been knocked from his hand.

"Here!" a voice cried and Angel looked up to see Faith, Oz and Larry standing at the bottom of the stairwell. Faith had his sword in her hand and threw it end over end. Angel caught it gracefully and swooped around like a dancer, bringing the sword up as he did. It caught the Master's neck, and in a moment it was over.

*~*~*

****

"Wow," Buffy gasped.

"Well done," Giles commended Angel quietly.

"So, let me get this straight," Gunn began. "Buffy was supposed to kill the Master--"

"I _did,_" she told him. "Here, anyway."

"But since you didn't, he rose, killed half your friends, and set up show in Sunnydale. Meanwhile, Angel's living small in NYC…and when he finally gets his act together, he decides to make things right by going back to Sunnydale and doing what should have been done in the first place."

Dawn nodded. "I think that's about it."

"It's not done though…look," Tara told them, pointing to the flames.

*~*~*

**_*FLASH!*_**

"So…what now?" Doyle asked Angel as they sat in their hotel room. Blaring music came from the room next door, the indication that Faith was back from reporting the night's events to her Watcher and to Mr. Giles.

Angel shrugged. "I really don't know…" he said with a sheepish smile. "My entire life has changed in a week. After a hundred years of pretty much doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself…"

"And sitting on yer ass," Doyle pointed out good-naturedly.

"And…that," Angel admitted. "I really don't know."

"Well…have ya given much thought to stayin' out here? It's a Hellmouth. Probably lots of action. Some atoning you could be doin'."

Angel shrugged again. "I don't know…with the Master gone…I think a lot of the vamps will take off. That seems to happen when a leader goes down, I've seen it. And with the big threat gone, I think Mr. Giles and the others can handle things."

The pounding base next door ended abruptly and was followed by the slamming of a door. A moment later a knock sounded on theirs and the door opened. Faith sauntered in and plopped down on one of the beds. "What's the what? You guys look wicked serious."

"Just tryin' to figure out what's the next step, Slayeress," Doyle told her, his eyes twinkling.

"Ahh…what'd ya come up with?"

"Well…I was thinkin' 'bout heading back to LA. I was only in New York to find this guy. Don't know what he's gonna do. How about you?"

She shrugged. "Back to Boston. Got my thing there. But ya know…if you're ever in the neighborhood…" she offered. She glanced at Angel. "You gonna stay here?"

Angel looked up at her and shook his head. "Whatever I was supposed to do here is done…passed." He turned to Doyle. "You said, back in New York, that eventually I'd leave this place and move on, take the fight somewhere else. Where did I go?'

Doyle nodded. "LA."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Los Angeles, April, 1999

"Where did you say this demon was going to appear?" Angel asked Doyle, whirling around in the dark, trying to keep his senses open and on alert.

"I'm telling you! It's right here! The corner of Madison and Seal! That snot-nosed pus-demon is going to step out of one of these alleys and take out an entire group of…gang…members…" his words died in his throat as he noticed they were no longer alone. From all sides had appeared tough-looking street kids. One of them stepped up.

"Can we help you?" he asked snidely.

Angel and Doyle exchanged a glance. "Uh…yeah. Any of you seen a Sitar demon around here?" Angel ventured.

The man looked back at his friends, then turned back to the duo. "You mean that nasty-looking thing behind you, about ready to bite your heads off?"

Angel and Doyle slowly turned and found themselves face to face with the demon in question. They jumped back, even with the black man. He grinned. "Don't worry. Name's Gunn. This is my crew. I figure you guys are in the trade, if you know this thing by name…but we'll skip past the formalities at the moment and just get to the killin', if you don't mind."

Angel reached under his duster and pulled out his broadsword. Gunn admired it for a moment. "Guess you don't."

*~*~*

****

"Wow," Dawn repeated, for maybe the hundredth time that night.

Gunn grinned. "I just can't get away from you, can I?" he teased his friend.

"I can't believe…I mean, I knew you were all…important, prophecy guy…but jeez…what's the body count at now?" Cordelia gasped. "Me, Xander, Jesse, Buffy, Darla, the Master…not that those last two are bad things."

"Wesley wasn't even there…none of us were," Anya pointed out, looking from Wesley to Tara to Dawn and Spike.

"I guess it's not necessary for me to tell you what I choose," Angel said quietly, moved beyond belief at the impact he alone would have had on the lives of those he held dear. "But thank you…for showing me. I've always wondered."

Jackter stepped up and faced Buffy. "You are next."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

TAKE THE CHALLENGE!! Like _The Road Not Taken_? Then check out the fiction challenge inspired by that story!

http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/AnotherLife/Challenge.html

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	13. Buffy

All eyes were on Buffy and she swallowed nervously. "I—I don't know if I can do this," she admitted unsteadily.

"You don't have to," Dawn told her, rubbing her sister's back comfortingly. "We can just pack up and go home if you want."

"Absolutely!" Jackter cried, a little too enthused. "Harry and I can settle down, have some s'mores and get some sleep, like we planned to," he said pointedly.

Buffy gave him a small smile and sighed, looking at her hands. "The thing…the thing is…I do want to see…I want to know. But I'm scared."

"Why?" Willow asked gently. "I mean…yeah, it's scary to see, you know, in case it's so much better…or so much worse…but…why's it scary for you?"

The Slayer let out a shaky breath. "Because I'm not really sure that what I'm going to ask is something I really want to know."

The group fell silent for a moment, before Cordelia, of all people, spoke. "What are you going to ask?"

Buffy didn't look up. She couldn't. The words were painful enough to force out without looking her friends in the eye. "I'd like to know if I could have saved my mom," she admitted and her voice broke.

Dawn's eyes flew open. "What? Buffy…no…how could you have?"

Buffy was practically hunched over at this point as waves of sadness and fear washed through her body. "I just…I came home that day…and she was…she was already gone. I came home late. I stayed up with Xander and talked to him all night, and when I came home, mom was…" She cleared her throat, wiped at her eyes, and slowly stood upright.

Taking a deep breath she continued. "The paramedics said I probably couldn't have done anything to save her. But I thought I'd never know, so there was no point in dwelling on it…but now, I _can_. All I have to do is tell him what I want and he'll show me. And I'm…I'm so scared."

"Oh, Buffy…why?" Willow asked, taking her friend's hand.

"Because, what if I save her? And it's perfect? What if I could have had that, all this time, if I'd just come home a few minutes earlier? How can I live, knowing that?" the Slayer cried desperately.

Dawn moved in front of her sister and with a trembling finger, lifted the Slayer's chin, forcing Buffy to look her in the eye. "Then…you pick that place, Buffy. That's sorta the point here…if it's better, you can pick."

Buffy searched her sister's eyes and took comfort in the sympathy she saw there. After a moment she nodded and, with a final wipe at her tearing eyes, she turned to Jackter. "Show me."

__
    
    Cinder and ash, flame and fire,
    'Tis the other's life to see we desire
    Two roads before us, but one to take

Show the other, the choice not made.

**__**

*FLASH!*

Sunnydale

January, 2001

Buffy hung up the phone, wondering to herself if turning down Ben's offer for a date had been the wrong decision when Xander announced he was finished repairing the damaged window that April, Warren's sexbot, had caused in her search for her owner.

"We still on for infomercials and possibly a little necking on the couch?" he asked.

She cocked an eyebrow. "I was about to tell you I thought I'd call it a night, seeing as it's almost morning, but I'll upgrade that from a maybe later to an emphatic 'I gotta go.'"

He looked crestfallen. "Aw! Come on! You, me, the Home Shopping Network? It can't miss!"

She grinned and shook her head. "I'm sorta beat. This whole day's been a little freaky."

"And yet, oddly light as Hellmouth days go."

**__**

*FLASH!*

She opened the door and walked inside, setting down her bag. "Hey mom!" she called out.

Turning she saw a bouquet of flowers and smiled to herself, moving to them to read the card.

'Thank you for a lovely evening. See you soon (?) – Brian,' she read and managed a small, half-sad smile. "Still a coupla guys getting it right."

Hanging up her jacket she turned back to the stairs. "Hey. Flower-gettin' lady! Want to do some shopping before we pick up Dawn from school?"

Joyce walked in from the kitchen, drying her hands on a dishtowel. "Oh, hi honey. Did you see? The flowers? The flowers from a man? The flowers I didn't have to send myself?"

Buffy grinned. "Gifts from the FTD fairy are always a bonus," she agreed. "Guess I'll be meeting…and sizing up…this Brian pretty soon, huh? You should tell him that the quickest way to my heart is with jewelry."

Joyce smiled and nodded. "Naturally. I made sure to mention your dress and shoe sizes last night as well." 

Buffy followed her mother back into the kitchen. "Whatcha doin'? You haven't even changed out of your gallery clothes yet," she asked, settling onto a barstool at the island where Joyce was working on a casserole.

"I know…but I wanted to get this out of the way. I might head back to the gallery later. We're getting a new shipment in of Egyptian artwork."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "As long as it's not Incan mummies or scary possessing-masks."

"I promise not to bring anything home," Joyce swore solemnly. "What do you have going on this evening? Dawn could use some help with her homework."

"Ugh. You do remember me, Buffy, right? You're not scholastically-apt child?" she asked, rolling her eyes and sticking out her tongue.

"You're not stupid, you just had other things on your mind. I just thought…she looks up to you Buffy. When I'm not around, I need you to look after her."

"Well, just never leave this house and everything will be fine, won't it?" she teased and got up. "I'm gonna hit the showers, coach. Back in a bit."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy finished styling her hair and gave herself a nod of approval in the mirror before thundering down the steps. Joyce was in the hallway looking at her flowers again, touching the fine petals with a bemused smile on her face.

"If you look at them real hard and blink your eyes five times, he'll appear on his white horse," Buffy teased her mother.

Joyce smiled and turned to her daughter, opening her mouth to speak. Before she could get any words out she closed her eyes again, her face scrunching in pain, and braced herself against the door.

"Mom?" Buffy asked, concerned, and reached out to steady her.

Joyce blinked, then squinted her eyes tight. She made a muffled sound and clutched at Buffy's arm before sinking to her knees and finally falling completely to the floor.

"Mom!?" Buffy cried. "Mom?!"

She rolled Joyce onto her back. "Mom? Mom?" she repeated, slapping lightly at her mother's face.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God. Uh…think. Think…think. Uhhhh…mommy, what do I do?!" she practically shouted at the still body. In an instant the words "CPR" sounded in her head. "CPR. Right. Right. Ok. Ok. I can remember this." She checked to see if her mom was breathing. She wasn't. She quickly put one hand over the other and centered them on Joyce's chest, beginning the compressions. Pump pump pump…breathe…breathe…pump pump pump pump pump pump pump…

__

//Dammit, I hate this oven. It's burnt.//

//No, it's just... blackened. It's Cajun pie.//

//Shall I open another?//

  
//Do you think we dare?//

  
//Hey, as long as you two stay off the band candy, I'm cool with anything.//

  
//You are a demon child.//

  
//I live to torment you. Is that so wrong?//

  
//It's a daughter's duty, I suppose...//

She continued the motions for what seemed like hours. The phone rang in the background and she ignored it. Her arms still working she looked around, wildly, and her gaze fell on the flowers. "No," she whispered. "No. No no no no no no. I'm not losing you. I'm not. I'm _not!_ And he's not. And Dawn's not," she hissed with each compression. "No one. No one loses. No one."

After a moment Joyce's chest lifted on its own and her mother let out a rasping breath. Buffy stopped, stunned, staring hopefully. The up and down motion of breathing continued and Buffy closed her eyes for a moment in relief. But only for a moment. Jumping to her feet she ran for the phone and dialed 9-1-1 as she headed back down the hall, dropping to her knees and sliding across the wooden floor until she came to rest at her mother's side.

"Hello!" Buffy shouted into the phone. "Come. 1630 Revello…near Hadley. Hurry. My mother…she passed out. She wasn't breathing."

"Ok, slow down," came a voice over the other end. "Your mother passed out? She was breathing…you performed CPR?"

Buffy nodded, then realized the person couldn't see her. "Y-yes. CPR. She's on the hallway floor. She had a tumor."

Her language seemed to translate to the operator. "Ok. Good. You did the right thing. Are you with her now?"

"Yes."

"I'm sending the paramedics. They'll be there in just a minute. Is your mother still breathing?"

Buffy watched her mother's chest. "Yes."

"Are you alone with her?"

"Yes. Dawn's at school."

"Ok. I want you to put something under your mother's head and keep it elevated. Then I want you to call someone and have them come over to your house and stay with you while the paramedics are there. Do you understand? Is there a neighbor or a relative nearby?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes. I'll call Giles," she said faintly, sounding much younger than her 21 years and hung up the phone. Dialing again she pressed the phone to her ear. "Giles…" she breathed when he answered. "Can you come? She needs us. You need to sit with me."

"Buffy?"

"I'm home," she replied when she spied her jacket hanging next to the door. Dropping the phone to the floor she crossed to it and yanked it down, bundling it into a ball and placing it gently under her mother's head. She didn't hear Giles frantic and confused cries from the still-connected phone.

The Slayer sank down on the floor, staring blankly at the pattern on the Oriental rug and held her mother's hand, worrying the skin between her thumb and fingers. 

__

//I think we're just about ready for pie.//

  
//And then I'll be pretty much ready for barf!//

  
//Xander!//  


//I'll give you a hand.//

  
//No, no, barf from eating, 'cause all was good, and too much goodness --//

  
//I'm taking it as a compliment.//

  
//Yes, everything was delicious...//

  
//Yes, I'm going to barf too!//

  
//Everyone's so sweet.//

Time passed and soon the sound of sirens was heard, perking up her ears. She stood and opened the door, cool breeze lifting her hair, and watched as the ambulance pulled into her driveway. Two men hopped out and ran up her front steps, gear in tow.

"What happened?" one of the asked briskly, kneeling and getting to work.

"She was…fine. Then she was…she sorta hunched over and then she fell. She had surgery," Buffy stammered. "In her brain," she said, realizing how stupid that sounded and shaking her head. "I mean…she had brain surgery. For a tumor. They said they got it all. She's been okay."

"Please step back," one of them requested.

"You performed CPR," the other stated, having been told by the dispatcher. "Good. That was the right thing to do. We'll take it from here. Is someone coming to get you or do you want to ride in the ambulance with your mom?"

She stared at the man, and the insane thought of how much he looked like Owen Thurman, a guy she'd known briefly in high school, ran through her head. Blinking, realizing he was expecting an answer, she nodded. "Giles…I think. Oh, Giles!" she cried, and picked up the phone, but it was dead. "He hung up," she said stupidly.

"I'm sure he'll be here," the man said kindly, and moved her out of the way while the stretcher was wheeled inside. Joyce was placed on it gently and strapped down, and Buffy noted that the oxygen mask completely hid her mother's face. "Uh…I…"

"We'll be another minute, two at the most," the man told her. "If your friend isn't here by then, you should come with us."

As he spoke Giles' car screeched to a halt in front of Buffy's house and he burst out onto the lawn. "Buffy!" he shouted, running to the front door. "What's…Oh my God," he moaned, his face ashen as he laid eyes on Joyce. "What happened?"

"Are you the husband?" the technician asked, then moved on without waiting for an answer. Neither Giles nor Buffy corrected him. "Based on what she's told us," he nodded at Buffy, "It appears she suffered an aneurysm or a stroke. We won't be able to determine it conclusively until we reach the hospital. We need to get moving, will you be following or riding?"

Giles stared at the man, then realized that Buffy was incapable of answering. "We'll…uh. Drive. I'll take her."

The man nodded and turned the gurney, wheeling Joyce outside.

"My God, Buffy…are you all right?" Giles gasped, taking the Slayer into his arms.

__

//Do you really think you're ready, Buffy?//

"Buffy?" Giles prodded.

It was then she noticed he had engulfed her in a hug. "We've gotta go," she said, shakily, pushing him away.

"Yes, yes. I'll drive…obviously," he told her and steered her out of the house to his car. "Can you tell me what happened?" he asked as he carefully followed the ambulance.

She stared at the dashboard. "I—I don't know. I came home, she was fine. Baking. And then…she sorta got all…she fell."

"She fell?"

"She looked like…pain. Lots of it. In her head. And then she fell," Buffy told him quietly.

Giles was silent for a moment. "I see," he murmured. Had she been coherent, his tone would have indicated his doubt and fear. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

"She wasn't breathing."

He looked over at her and after a moment, nodded. "I'm sure you did what you could. Let the doctors take care of her now."

He sped up.

*~*~*

They burst through the doors of the emergency room, looking around wildly for where the EMT's had taken Joyce. Buffy hurried to the counter. A harried looking station nurse glanced up. "Yeah?"

"My mom. They just brought her in. In the ambulance. Where is she?"

The nurse barely looked up before thrusting a clipboard in Buffy's face. "They're working on her. The doctor's will let you know. Fill out these forms. She got insurance?"

Buffy stared at her. "Where is she?" she repeated.

The nurse looked up. "In the back. The doctor's have it now. Take a seat in the chairs and we'll let you know something when we do."

Giles placed a hand on Buffy's arm and took the clipboard. "Ah, thank you," he told the nurse and directed Buffy back the waiting area. "Do you wish to alert Dawn now?" he asked as they sat down.

Buffy shook her head. "No. Not until we know something. Not until she's okay."

Giles sighed. "Of—of course. Do you have an insurance card?"

She looked down at the purse Giles had had the foresight to grab off the entry hall table as they dashed out of the house. "Um…I'm sure it's…in here," she replied lamely and unzipped the purse. The scent of her mother's favorite perfume wafted up and Buffy had to close her eyes against it. Digging to find her mother's wallet she opened it and came face to face with a family picture…she, Dawn and her mother from last summer. Happy, tanned, smiling. Pushing past that she flipped to the cardholders and pulled out the insurance information, handing it to Giles.

He took it from her gently and began to fill out the forms.

They waited.

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Buffy!" Willow cried, walking quickly through the emergency room and taking a seat next to her best friend. The redhead threw her arms around the Slayer and hugged her tightly as Tara squat in front of her. "Are you okay? How's your mom? Is she okay?" Willow asked shakily.

Buffy shrugged. "It's been hours and we still don't know anything."

Tara smiled sympathetically. "Giles called us. Xander will be here soon. Do you want us to do anything? Get Dawn? Call your dad?"

"No," Buffy told them, shaking her head. "No Dawn. Not yet. We—we don't know anything…and I—I don't want to…" her eyes filled with tears and she covered her mouth with one hand. Willow's eyes instantly became wet and she squeezed her friend more tightly as Tara rubbed her knee.

"Shh…it's okay, Buffy. It'll be okay," Willow murmured, looking over the Slayer's shoulder and meeting Giles' eyes. He noted her inquiring expression and gave her a sad smile and a shake of the head. He didn't have high hopes.

"Wh-what happened?" Tara asked kindly after Buffy calmed herself.

She went over the story again, just as Xander walked in to hear it. When she finished he hugged her and took a seat next to Tara. "God, Buff…I'm so sorry. When are the--"

A doctor interrupted him. "Ms. Summers?"

Buffy nodded and stood; the others mimicked her one after the other.

"I'm Dr. Stern. Can I speak with you privately?" he asked, glancing at her companions.

"They're fine," she told him, and gripped Xander's arm, steadying herself.

Dr. Stern nodded. "I'm afraid your mother has suffered an aneurysm," he told her gravely. Willow gasped. "An aneurysm is when a blood vessel in the brain becomes clogged and then bursts. This was probably a result of the operation she had a while ago…but it was one of the risks, and your mother knew that.

Buffy's body swayed. "But she's—is she okay?"

He held her eyes for a moment. "She's alive," he told her finally, and the entire group sagged with relief. "However…I'm afraid her current state isn't good." He took a breath. "Ms. Summers, the oxygen to her brain was cut off. We did what we could to repair the damage to her brain, but the chances of recovery from an aneurysm are very slim."

"What—what do you mean?" Buffy asked. "You said she's alive."

He nodded. "She's alive because she's on life-support. Your mother lost the ability to breathe on her own a short time after she arrived here. We have her on life-support. I can't guarantee that she will ever be able to sustain life on her own." He swallowed. "I'm sorry."

Buffy stared at him. "But…she can just be on oxygen forever, right? Wheel that little tank around?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Doctor…ah…" Giles interrupted, and took the man by the elbow, moving them off to the side as the Scoobies led Buffy to the chairs and began to try and comfort their friend. "Perhaps you could explain to me what happened and the next steps…" he murmured.

"Buffy…God…Buffy, I'm so sorry," Willow sobbed, tears streaming down her face.

Buffy was unable to cry at this point. Rather, she sat, blankly staring at the carpet. "What—what does this mean?" she asked quietly.

"I'm not sure," Willow admitted.

"It sounds like…" Tara said, hesitantly, "it sounds like your mom's in a coma, sorta."

"People come out of comas, right?" the Slayer said hopefully. "I mean, Faith did…even after all those months…she came out and was…good as new. In a crazy-way."

"Yeah…" Xander told her, but he was unconvinced. Something about the way the doctor has spoken didn't indicated "coma" in his mind.

Giles rejoined them after a moment. "I've spoken with the doctor," he informed them. "He broke things down to layman's terms." He knelt in front of Buffy and his heart broke at the hope in her eyes. "Buffy, your mother, is…for the most part…brain-dead. The oxygen was cut off from her brain for too long…"

"But I performed CPR right away," Buffy whispered, horrified.

He nodded. "Yes…and that might have saved her life. But the hemorrhaging and the complications from the aneurysm, both before and during surgery, were too much. Her breathing was erratic, even with the forced air, and the blood surrounding her brain…it was too much."

"What are you saying?" Willow asked, fearfully.

He looked up at her. "The doctor's don't have much hope for her recovery. Full or partial. They seem to agree that she will never wake up from this…and she will never be able to come off the life-support. The life-support is not just encouraging her breathing…it's continuing the beat of her heart." He paused and looked into Buffy's eyes, saw the pain there, and fell forward, taking his charge into his arms. "Oh, Buffy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he rasped, his emotions taking over.

Buffy stared behind him, blankly. "Um…Dawn," she said simply, and Willow stepped forward, sniffling still.

"Tara and I can go, if you want? Pick her up from school?"

"I…I should…yeah. You." Buffy was practically incoherent, but Willow just exchanged a look with Tara before rubbing Buffy's tense back, then leaving wordlessly with her lover and Xander's car keys. Buffy didn't move.

Willow drove Xander's car to the new Sunnydale High, parking in one of the guest parking spaces. The two witches walked into the school, Tara absently rubbing her hand up and down Willow's back. They started with the office, and after obtaining Dawn's classroom number, made their way to the Art room. They looked in through the window at Dawn, who was smiling and laughing at something the boy beside her had said, then took deep breaths before heading for the door to the classroom.

After a short, quiet discussion with Dawn's teacher, the woman called Dawn to the front of the class. Dawn looked at Tara and Willow warily, seeing 'tragedy' written on their faces.

"Hey, guys. What's up?" she asked, sounding cheerful, despite the doom obvious on their faces. The witches led her into the hallway.

"Dawnie," Willow started. "Something happened this afternoon."

"What?" Dawn asked warily.

"Your mom…" Tara started, but Dawn didn't let her finish.

"Is fine. There's nothing wrong with her. Right?"

"Dawnie," Willow said, her heart breaking with her voice.

"No!" Dawn said forcefully. Tara touched her arm comfortingly when Dawn wrapped herself in a hug. Dawn shrunk from the touch, her eyes big and her face pale. "Where's Buffy? Where's my mom? Why are _you_ here?"

"Dawnie, your mom's in the hospital. Buffy wanted us to come…"

"She's in the hospital? Then she's okay! Let's go! We have to get there!"

"Dawn…" Tara tried again. How could they break the news to a 15-year-old girl that her mother might never wake up?

"We have to get there. I'll just grab my stuff…" Dawn ran off to her locker, rushing, while Willow and Tara exchanged another glance and headed off after her.

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Where's Mom?" Dawn asked, rushing up to Buffy, Xander, Anya and Giles ahead of Willow and Tara.

"She's in the room," Giles started, gesturing at the door. Dawn was across the hall in a flash, despite Giles' efforts to stop her, and skid to a halt as soon as she got through the door.

Joyce was lying in the hospital bed, white as the sheets covering her, her eyes closed. There were tubes entering her mouth and nose, I.V.'s in her hands, an electronic breathing pump, and a heart monitor beeping faintly beside the bed.

"M…Mommy?" Dawn said, her eyes filling with tears. Buffy came up behind her and turned her into a hug, Dawn burying her face in Buffy's shoulder.

"Shh," Buffy said, stroking Dawn's hair while closing her own eyes to the image of their mother lying in the bed, motionless.

Giles moved into the doorway and ushered the girls out. Dawn's face was streaked with tears.

"What's wrong with her?" Dawn asked. "What happened? She was okay this morning. Did Glory…?"

"No. She had an…an aneurysm," Buffy replied, quickly, her voice pitched low.

"But she's gonna…" Dawn trailed off.

"The doctors have told us that your mother is essentially brain-dead, Dawn. She has little hope of recovery," Giles informed her gently.

"What?!" Dawn cried, wheeling to face him. "What do you mean, little hope of recovery? She was fine!"

"Dawnie," Buffy started, trying to calm her sister, but not showing any real emotion herself.

"No! She was fine, and she's going to _be_ fine!" Dawn cried.

"Dawnie, we have to decide…" Buffy tried again.

"Decide what?" Dawn replied, her voice getting louder.

"The doctors say…that we should decide whether to leave her on life support or…turn it off."

"Life support?"

"If we take her off, she'll die," Buffy said, her voice almost breaking before she got it back under control.

"Then we can't!" Dawn gasped, tears flowing freely now.

"The doctor said that she's brain dead, Dawn," Giles said. "She's essentially not alive. Her heart is beating, because of the machines, but…"

"No!" Dawn cried, collapsing to the floor, sobbing. "No, you can't kill my mom!"

Willow fell to the ground with her, her arms around the young girl, while Buffy turned away, eyes wide and wet, her mouth twisting to hold in her tears.

Buffy sat in her kitchen, hands wrapped around a cup of lukewarm coffee, an untouched pancake in front of her. Her eyes were wide and unseeing, her mouth hard and tight.

Dawn sat next to her, poking at her own pancake with her fork. The pancake was nearly destroyed, and cool, but Dawn simply continued to push it around on her plate, her gaze never wandering from the chunks and crumbs doused in the dark syrup.

Tara and Willow stood on the other side of the kitchen island, looking back and forth between her and Dawn, worried looks on their faces.

"I'm done," Dawn finally said, before getting up and leaving quickly. She headed upstairs immediately, not pausing to speak with the other young women in the kitchen. Buffy looked up after her, looking like she wanted to say something, but in the end her gaze returned to her plate, unable to manage the words.

"Buffy, you should eat," Tara said, finally. Buffy looked up at her dazedly for a moment, before turning to look down at her coffee again.

"I'm…not really hungry," she said. "W-we should get back."

"Okay, Buffy," Willow said eagerly, wanting nothing more than to make Buffy happy. 

"Maybe we should wait a few more minutes," Tara started.

"No, I want to be there, in case she…" Buffy trailed off, her voice a low whisper.

"I'll go get Dawnie," Willow said, rushing up the stairs to collect the teenager. Tara stared at Buffy silently for a moment.

"Buffy," she started quietly, her eyes sad. "Maybe it's none of my business, but…you need to start thinking about…about what you're going to do."

"I…I don't…what should I do?" Buffy's voice was small as she finally looked up into Tara's face, her eyes wide and confused.

"I think you know, Buffy. She's not…she isn't coming back. You heard the doctor. The only thing you can do now is…"

"You're telling us to kill our mother?" cried Dawn in shocked outrage from the doorway. "How can you…how can you even say that?" Her voice was breaking as she grew louder and more agitated.

"Dawnie, it's not…" Tara tried.

"No! She's our mom! We can't…she might…what if we do it, and she would have woken up? We don't know! We can't just give up on her! She's Mom!"

"Dawnie, it's not…I know you don't want to, and I'm not telling you to. I'm just trying to make you see that there's a chance she might not...she might not wake up."

"No! She's going to be fine!" Dawn cried before running from the room.

Buffy had stared at her coffee cup the entire time, and finally sighed, closing her eyes tightly.

"Buffy, you know, this _is_ your decision. I'm just saying…"

"I can't…I can't talk about this," Buffy suddenly said, jumping up and running outside to where Xander and Anya were waiting for them in his car. She slid into the back seat silently, with a small nod in greeting to the couple.

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy slowly entered her mother's hospital room, with her sister and friends lingering just slightly behind her. She pulled two chairs up on either side of the bed, and sat in one, while Dawn moved to the other. Willow stood behind Dawn, her hands on the girl's shoulders in a comforting gesture. Xander had one hand on the back of Buffy's neck, while Giles pulled up another chair and sat beside her, covering her cold, shaky hand with his own. Tara stood near Willow, her hand resting lightly on the small of her back, while Anya stood near the doorway, her hands clasped in front of her, looking around somewhat nervously. She wrung her hands lightly, before clearing her throat. When Xander turned to her, she cast her head down, saying nothing. He looked at her for a moment longer before turning back to Buffy.

"Does anyone want some…um, some coffee? Or snacks?" Tara asked gently. Without waiting for an answer, she gave Willow a look, and the two left the room. "We're going for snacks. We'll be…right back."

"You guys don't have to be here, if you don't want to. I know...I know you have other things to do. We...Dawn and I are fine," Buffy said after a minute, looking around at her friends.

"Buffy, are you sure? We can stay as long as you like," Giles answered, casting worried eyes on her again.

"I need...I need to think," she admitted.

"Think? What's there to think about? I thought we decided at the house that..." Dawn started.

"Dawnie, we haven't decided anything," Buffy said gently.

"What? You're not seriously considering…" Xander began.

"I don't know…" Buffy admitted.

"You can't! She's your mom! You can't just let her die!" Xander said forcefully.

"Xander, really, you were there when the doctors said..." Giles began.

"The doctors said she has a chance! You can't just take that away!" Xander yelled back.

"Xander," Anya started, stepping forward to put a hand on his arm, to calm him.

"No! You can't just…"

"Stop it!" cried Buffy suddenly. "We can't…not…not in here...she could…they say that people in comas can hear what's going on around them, and if she wakes up, she might remember this and I don't want her to hear that we're...I don't want her to hear this." Buffy's voice was disjointed, frantic, her eyes panicky as she shifted her gaze between the other occupants of the room rapidly. Then she was out the door in a flash, into the hallway, arms around herself tightly. Dawn went out after her, but didn't stay in the hallway, instead heading for the bathroom.

Anya stepped outside the room as well, leaning against the wall across from Buffy. Neither girl spoke.

Inside, standing next to Joyce's bed, Giles was furious. "Xander, you know as well as I do that Joyce isn't in a coma. She's brain dead."

"She's not dead yet. Her heart's still beating, she's breathing, she's still alive. You're a Watcher, Giles, it's your job to save lives, not take them!" Xander hissed back.

"She's not alive, Xander!" Giles snapped.

"Not yet," Xander said coldly. "Do you want to be the one to tell Dawn and Buffy that they have to kill their own mother?"

In the corridor, Buffy was shaking visibly, taking fast, shallow breaths. Anya stepped up to her, her face expressionless, but her eyes warm.

"Why is everyone fighting about this?" she asked genuinely. Buffy looked at her for a moment before running a hand over her hair and offering a shrug.

"It's just…my mom probably won't wake up…but they don't know for sure. I-I just don't know if I should let her go, or if I should keep hoping."

"Is there much hope?"

"N...not really, no," Buffy admitted. "But I don't know if I can...just let her go."

"It must be expensive to have all those machines keeping her heart beating," Anya offered. "How are you paying for it?"

"Um...Mom has medical insurance," Buffy replied absently. 

"Oh," Anya replied. After a pause, she continued. "Is there enough there to pay for a long time?"

"I don't...I don't know. My dad would know, but I can't reach him. He doesn't...he should be here." Her voice was strong on the last word, as if saying it would make it happen. 

"But he and Joyce are divorced, aren't they?" Anya asked, confused.

"Yes, but he should be here to help me decide what to...what to do," Buffy finished lamely.

"Why do you have to decide? Can't the doctors just do whatever they think is best?"

"No, they have to have…um, consent from a family member, before they can do anything," Buffy replied, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"What are they going to do?"

"I don't _know_" Buffy cried. "I don't know what they're going to do, or what I'm supposed to do, or what's the right choice! How am I supposed to decide whether my mom lives or dies?" Her voice rose and rose as she continued, until finally she was near screaming, tears rolling down her face as she stood there, helpless for the first time in a long time.

Giles and Xander came out of the room immediately. Xander ushered a confused Anya away, while Giles tried to calm Buffy.

"Giles, I can't make this decision. It's not...if my dad were here, he could...he might..." again, Buffy trailed off. Giles clasped her hands in his, looking into her eyes.

"Buffy, you need to take your time. Talk to the doctors some more, and they'll help you make your decision. Just remember, that while the rest of us do have opinions on the subject, this is, ultimately, your decision to make."

"I just don't know what to do, Giles. My mom would know, but she can't tell me!" Buffy said, frustrated.

Giles pulled her into a hug, and held her a moment. Buffy sighed and stepped back, giving him a weak smile, before noticing that Dr. Stern was standing a few feet away, waiting for them to finish with their moment.

"Doctor, do you have any new information for us?" Giles asked him politely, a hand still on Buffy's back in support.

"Ms. Summers' condition hasn't changed at all in the last 72 hours. I have to tell you, the longer she remains this way..." He turned to Buffy. "I'm not trying to rush you, Miss Summers, but you need to make your decision about your mother fairly soon."

"I don't know what I should...what do you think I should do?" she asked the doctor.

"I'll be honest with you," he said gently. "When someone is brain dead, they don't wake up. The brain is not regenerative. Letting her go easily would be easiest on you and your family. Of course, the decision is yours to make, not mine. You have to do what you think your mother would want you to do."

"I don't know what she wants," Buffy whispered.

"I'm going to go and talk to the doctor, Buffy. Sit for a moment and think about what you want to do, all right?" Giles said gently, sitting Buffy down in one of the plastic chairs attached to the wall.

Buffy sat silently for a moment, watching her surrogate father talk to the doctor, before Dawn came and sat beside her.

"What do you want to do?" Buffy asked her kindly.

"She's our mom, Buffy. We can't just kill her."

"It's not…killing her," Buffy said softly to her little sister, pain jagged in her voice.

"It _is_!" Dawn said. "She's our mom! We can't just give up on her like that!" Her voice softened. "You're the Slayer. You're supposed to save lives, not take them," she hissed, echoing Xander's words to Giles only minutes ago.

"I just...I have to think," Buffy said, closing her eyes and putting her head down. Dawn got up and left angrily. 

Buffy continued to sit there, her thoughts circling. When night fell, Giles took her and Dawn home, promising to pick them up in the morning.

**__**

*FLASH!*

A few days later, Buffy still hadn't reached her decision. She was sitting at her mother's bedside, Tara sitting beside her.

"What do you think I should do?" she asked Tara softly, her eyes searching the witch's helplessly.

"I can't tell you what to do. But...I know what you're going through. My mom died when I was seventeen."

"My mom's not dead," Buffy said, her voice belying her sureness. 

"No, no, I didn't mean to -- I'm only telling you because, it's not m-my place, but... there's things, thoughts and reactions that I had, that I couldn't... understand, or even try to explain to anyone else. Thoughts that made me feel like I was losing it, or like I was just a h-horrible person. I know it's different for you, because it's always different, but... if you ever need..."

"I need someone to tell me what to do. I need my mom."

"I know, Buffy. I know," Tara said, pulling the tiny Slayer into a hug.

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Buffy," Giles said, holding onto his mug of tea tightly, witting across from Buffy at her kitchen table, "it's been two weeks. The doctors have said that there isn't much point in keeping her on the life support because she hasn't even shown signs of breathing on her own."

"I know."

"You have to decide. Buffy, I don't want to say this, but I can no longer keep quiet. Glory is still out there, and..."

"What? You want me to _patrol_??" Buffy cried angrily, jumping up. Giles stood up as well.

"Glory is out there, searching for the Key, and the longer you are indisposed, the more people die. The Hellmouth doesn't cease all activity because of the Slayer's personal life," Giles tried again.

"I can't just go on with my life, Giles! She's my mother! I need to be there, in case something _does_ change!"

"Buffy, the Council has..."

"Screw your Council! I can't just snap my fingers and make a decision! I don't know what to choose, and I can't..."

"You have to, Buffy!" Giles replied.

""I _CAN'T_!!" she yelled, running from the room, out the door, into the night.

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy lay in her bed, silent tears falling down her cheeks again. She had no idea what to do, and cried herself to sleep, still undecided.

When Buffy opened her eyes, her mom was sitting beside her bed, wearing the same outfit she had been when she'd first collapsed downstairs.

"Mommy?" Buffy said, her voice tiny and soft.

"Hi, Buffy," Joyce replied, a sad smile on her face. Buffy jumped out of bed and ran to her, holding her tightly, crying in joy. 

"Oh, God, Mommy!"

"Sweetie, I'm not...this is a dream, obviously," Joyce said gently, running her hand down her daughter's cheek. "And," she glanced down at her clothes, "much more like _Providence_ than I'd expected. At least I'm not stuck in a mother-of-the bride dress."

Buffy's eyes filled with tears again. "You're not really here?"

"I'm sorry, honey. I wish I could be…but it's just not going to happen, no matter how much you wish it."

Buffy stared at her, understanding. "Mom, I can't."

Joyce smiled sadly and put a hand to her daughter's cheek. "Buffy, you have to. I'm not...I'm not coming back. I'm sorry." Buffy's tears fell harder. "I love you, Buffy, but you have to go on. There are horrible things in this world, and they need you to stop them from happening."

"You're telling me to let you go?" Buffy gasped.

Joyce's eyes were sad. "I don't want to baby, I promise. But…it's not in the cards for me, it seems. And…I think I'm ready now. I've had a few days to get used to this…and I'm ready."

"But I need you, Mom," Buffy said, her voice heartbreakingly soft.

"I know, sweetheart. I don't want to sound like a cliché, but...I'm with you anyway. That's just my body in that hospital. It will get easier, I promise. For you, for Dawn…for your friends. You know what you have to do."

Buffy swallowed and clutched at her mother's hand. "Do I hafta?" she asked finally, a small smile playing on her lips.

Joyce grinned. "Oh…Buffy. I do love you honey…more than anything else in the world." She stood up and pulled back the covers on Buffy's bed. Buffy obliged her and crawled underneath, letting her mother tuck her in. Joyce kissed her forehead and tweaked her nose. "Now be a good girl…live…for me."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy took a deep breath, stepping into the hospital. "It's time to let her go," she said softly to her friends, assembled around the waiting room.

**__**

*FLASH!*

The room was dim and crowded. She glanced, half-heartedly over the array of coffins before her, not caring at all which one she picked because not only would none of them be good enough for her mother, but more than anything she just didn't want to be actually _doing_ this. And Dawn…

Buffy turned. "You don't like it?"

  
"It's not that. It's just - what if mom… What if she'd like something else better?" her sister shrugged.

  
"Dawn-"

  
"I mean, how do we know? For sure? She's the one who has to be in it forever."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"There's no wake?"

__

  
Buffy looked across the table at Willow. "Mom didn't like them. She said pot lucks are depressing enough as it is."

  
"She said that? When?" Dawn asked.

  
"Right before she went in for her operation. We had a talk about what she wanted. In case…"

**__**

*FLASH!*

Willow peered over the bunch of flowers. "He didn't leave a card."

**__**

*FLASH!*

The priest paused as the first pile of dirt was scooped up and tossed onto the coffin. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"How's forever, does forever work for you?"

**__**

*FLASH!*

__

Ben practically spat as he spoke. "Let Glory understand this. I'm not helping her find the Key. I would never do that to an innocent--"

__

Jinx eyes lit up. "An innocent? The Key? That's an…interesting choice of words."

**__**

*FLASH!*

__

"So the Key's all secreted away in a flesh wrapper, huh? This narrows the search from now on in a serious way… I mean, we didn't have a clue. It could have been a log, or a bicycle pump or whatever - am I right?"

**__**

*FLASH!*

Doc's eyes twitched. "It's a tricky spell, girl. I can't say for sure that your mother will come back exactly like she was. Sometimes things get a little… off."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Dawn. You know this is wrong. You know you can't let this happen. Not to Mom."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"I'm _not._ I have to do these things, 'cause… 'cause when I stop, then she's really… gone."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"The Slayer and the Key are connected. She is going to have contact with it. Find out who is new in her life, who is special, who is different. Watch her," Glory growled, prowling around her apartment.

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Death is your gift."

**__**

*FLASH!*

The Hellgoddess smirked. "So it's her. Under our noses all this time. I like the detail work those monks did. Quirks, foibles, passions. It's all so cute, so human, ya know? Pretty convincing really. But not convincing enough."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Glory's eyes flashed as she glared at Tara. "You lying little tramp. You're not the Key. You're nothing. Just another worthless human being. …Hey! Do you want to make it all better? If you tell me who the KEY really is I'll let you go. Think about it. You think your hand hurts? Imagine what you'll feel with my fingers wiggling in your brain."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Look at that... the light, it's so pure...Such a pure green energy. It's so beautiful," Tara giggled, pointing to Dawn and Willow and Buffy looked on in horror.

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy's jaw set. "All right. Nobody goes home, nobody tells anyone we're leaving. We grab whatever supplies we can and that's it -- we're gone."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Xander's jaw dropped as he peered out of the window. "We got company -- and they brought a Crusade!"

**__**

*FLASH!*

He touched her hand tenderly, nothing but love in his eyes, despite the pain coursing through his body. "You did... what was necessary. What I've always admired… Being able to place your heart above all else…I'm so proud of you. How far you've come. You're everything a Watcher - everything I could have hoped for..."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"So how do we stop it?"

"The portal will only close once the blood is stopped. And the only way for that to happen is ...Buffy - the only way is to kill Dawn."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"Dawn listen to me. Listen. I love you. I'll always love you. But this is the work I have to do. Tell Giles I... I figured it out. And I'm okay. Give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now -- you have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"She had to dig out of her own grave."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"How long was I gone?"

The vampire looked up as he cleaned her wounds. "Hundred forty-seven days yesterday... um, one-forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?"

**__**

*FLASH!*

"I was torn out of there. My friends pulled me out. And everything here is bright and hard and violent...Everything I feel, everything I touch...this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that...knowing what I've lost ..."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"I need something for a prosperity spell. I heard you had it --- A Mummy Hand." 

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy walked to the door and turned back again, as an afterthought. "Just to let you know. This... it really makes me feel… safe. Knowing you're always gonna be there."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"So much easier to talk to when he just wanted to kill me."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"I'm gonna marry that girl."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"So that's my refrain…I live in hell…'cause I've been expelled…from heaven. I think I was in heaven."

**__**

*FLASH!*

"We kissed, Buffy."

**__**

*FLASH!*

Buffy stormed to the front of the Magic Box, near hysteria. "I'm sorry. Everybody's sorry. And I know you're trying to help me. But it's all too much, Will. The memories, they hurt. I can't take it anymore…If you understood how it felt – how it feels now... It's like I'm dying in--"

**__**

*FLASH!*

A campfire…in the woods. Her friends, standing around it, watching the flames intently. Buffy looked more closely and found herself…

*~*~*

****

…staring back into her own green eyes. She blinked. The Buffy in the flames blinked. "What?" she whispered, and looked around as the image in the fire mirrored her.

"What's going on?" she asked, looking from face to face before settling on the demon, Jackter.

He observed her carefully for a split second. "You are looking back at yourself…as you are now."

Her eyes darted back to the flames. "Why?" 

"Because this is where you're supposed to be."

The gravity of his words hit her and her face crumpled for a moment.

"Then it was for nothing? I just went through all that –This Is Your Life – for nothing?"  


"Not for nothing," Giles said gently, moving to her side. "Buffy, you've been dragging this around with you for a year…and now you know. As tragic as it is…your mother…you, your life…it's how it should be. Nothing you could have done would have changed that."

"It was never your fault Buffy," Dawn told her, wiping at a stray tear. "Never ever ever. No one thought that. Just you."

"I tried," the Slayer said weakly. "I tried…and it still didn't matter."

"Mom came to you," Dawn reminded her. "She told you she's okay. She wants you to be happy."

Buffy turned to her sister and Dawn's heart almost broke at how lost the Slayer looked. She opened her arms and Buffy practically flew into them, and together, the sister's comforted each other.

"I'm guessing you don't want to leave this life," Jackter said.

Buffy looked up at him with wet eyes, not leaving Dawn's embrace, and shook her head.

Think it's over? WRONG! Stay tuned!

********************************************************

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Entries due by May 24th!

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********************************************************


	14. Epilogue

Title: _The Road Not Taken_

Authors: Carrie & Robin (Buffychick & Robin the Crossover Junkie)

Summary: After a dream sends Angel & crew back to Sunnydale they discover a demon that grants each person a glimpse at what their life might have been like had just one moment been altered…and the choice to live that life, or the one they're currently in.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Nothing too much. If you've seen Season 5 of BtVS and Season 2 of AtS, you're golden.

Feedback: Always wanted, always appreciated.

Websites: 

Buffychick: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html

Robin: http://www.angelfire.com/home/thecrossoverjunkie

*Author's note: I'd like it to be known that Robin and I announced our idea for this BEFORE Angel: "Birthday" premiered.*

*~*~*~*

They stood, together, as they had all night, staring at the flames, unsure what happened next. Buffy was still sniffing softly as Dawn murmured encouraging words in her ear. Willow looked on, grasping Tara's hand in her own, glancing now and then to Anya and Xander. Cordelia moved to Wesley's side, casting worried glances at Angel, who remained frozen, Gunn at his side.

"We're done now," Jackter said impassively. 

"Done?" Buffy asked hollowly.

He nodded. "That's it. It's a one time go around, so…sorry kiddies. I'll just be roasting some marshmallows here now and get some shut-eye."

"Wait…what are we supposed to do now? Just go home?" Gunn asked him.

Jackter shrugged and turned his back to them, walking into the woods.

"Where's he going?" Anya cried.

"Should we go after him?" Tara asked.

"I—I guess," Buffy stammered.

"Or you could gather round the campfire for one more short story, if yer interested," a voice came from behind them. They turned collectively and watched as Doyle appeared from no where and approached them.

"Doyle!" Cordelia gasped and rushed over to him. "You're all…ghosty."

He grinned at her. "Probably better that I'm not of the flesh, darlin'. I have the feelin' you'd be slapping me right about now."

"Damn right," she agreed, but without much heat. "Why didn't you come see me? Why did you visit Angel?"

He gave her a sad smile. "I wanted ta, 'Delia. Believe me. But…I have ta do what I'm told." He looked past her then and addressed the group. "You're probably all wondering what the bloomin' heck is going on here…"

"You could say that…mostly I'm wondering who you are," Xander told him.

Doyle grinned. "Where are my manners?" he began when Cordy snorted.

"You never really had any," she reminded him with a smile.

He grinned more broadly and winked at her. "I'm Doyle…friend of Angel and the fiery Cordelia here. Used to work with them." His eyes lit on Buffy.

"We've met," Buffy told him softly. "Once."

"So we have. Nice to see you again," he nodded, then turned back to the group. "Anyway…I'm here for a little Q & A session…brief, and no math please."

"Q & A?" Dawn asked. "Like…what?"

"Like…why was it so important we see this," Gunn muttered.

Doyle nodded. "That's what I'm talking about."

"So?" Anya prodded.

The apparition took a seat on Jackter's tree stump. "You all save the world. How many times have you done that now? You fight demons and you make choices in your lives based around that little vocation. Personal choices, life choices, major decisions in the grand scheme of things, and those decisions weigh on the brain. There's not a one of you that couldn't have spent the entire day here, prickin' at the demon's mind. So the Powers decided, for their best warriors, they'd clear some things up."

"The Powers That Be just decided that we could use a little reassurance, so they sent us a demon?" Cordelia asked. "Right."

"Something like that, though, you've put it in the simplest terms," Doyle told her, eyes twinkling.

"How did they know we wouldn't choose the other life?" Willow asked.

"They didn't…exactly," he told her. "But none of you did."

"That's kind of risky, don't you think?" Gunn asked.

Doyle shrugged. "Something else maybe you all noticed when you were watching the Hi-Fi. Lots of your lives sorta ended up just as you are now."

"What do you mean?" Xander asked. "Lots of stuff was worse. Really worse."

"True…but…take Ms. Chase. Wished her parents hadn't gone bottoms up…and yet she ended up running into you fools despite herself."

The group was silent for a moment.

"I left the bleedin' city…lived it up with Dru…and I still ended up back in this dump. Dusted," Spike muttered, kicking at a rock.

They turned to him and stared before Wesley spoke. "Despite staying in England for all of my life, I ended up running into Mr. Giles and coming here to help you all."

"And in mine, Giles still left…Mom still died…Glory still hunted down the Key…even though it was me," Dawn whispered.

"Willow still got into magic…Angel still left Sunnydale…Faith still switched sides…the Mayor still attacked us…" Xander followed up.

"B-Buffy and Faith st-still switched bodies," Tara remembered.

"I still worked with you guys," Gunn spoke up, nodding to his co-workers, "on a free-lance basis, anyway."

"Jenny still died," Giles whispered sadly.

"I ended up in Los Angeles, met Gunn," Angel murmured.

All eyes turned to Buffy.

"I think we get the point," Doyle said, rising from the tree stump. "In some way, sometimes small ways, sometimes huge, in-your-face ways…your lives came completely around…Slayer here saw it more than any of you. Where you are now? That's where you're supposed to be."

"Where—where we're supposed to be," Dawn repeated. "Mom's supposed to be dead? Buffy was supposed to die?" she asked, her voice rising.

Doyle nodded. "I'm sorry, kiddo. But…yeah. There's this saying, _Fate works to correct itself._ It's kinda the theme for tonight's slide show. No matter what you do in life…you can't escape your natural path. It may be hard, it may not be what you want…but this is the way of things. Notice...none of you chose the other life? Why? If you could have been happier, why not pick the other?"

"Because it's not here...and..." Dawn offered.

"Because it's not just about our own happiness," Buffy finished softly.

"So are you saying that everything that happened in this world is exactly how it was supposed to happen?" Anya asked.

"Not necessarily. Some things just don't matter. It's the big things, or the small things that will lead up to a big something else. I mean, maybe you were supposed to have eggs for breakfast this morning, but it doesn't matter whether ya did or not. It wasn't gonna change yer life," Doyle answered.

"So then, that's it? This is life, deal with it, have a nice rest of it?" Xander said wryly.

"Yep," Doyle said, his eyes twinkling.

"That's a bit anticlimactic, don't you think?" Anya piped up.

"Are you happy to be where you are?"

Anya paused for a moment, glancing at Xander. "Yes."

Doyle smiled gently. "Then it's not."

"So, why is it that we needed to all come here and see this?" Wesley asked.

"Not all of you had to see it, but the Powers figured it wouldn't hurt you. Just a few of you really needed it. The ones who are really floundering right now." Doyle glanced at Buffy, Tara, Xander, and Cordelia. "Things may be tough…but, it's a part of life, the life you chose. And now…maybe some of you can walk away feeling just a wee bit more secure about that." He paused, letting them take that in. "Any more questions?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "_This_ is where I'm supposed to be? Completely—completely…" she trailed off, looking around guiltily.

"You're supposed to be alive, darlin," Doyle replied, lifting her chin with his hand and staring into her eyes. "You think the Powers would have let your friends work such magics if it wasn't to be?" They locked the gaze for a moment before Buffy offered him a tremulous smile.

"It's time for me to go," he told the group. Angel gave him a soft smile.

"Thank you," said the souled vampire, looking gratefully at his friend.

"No problem, Boyo," Doyle grinned cheekily. He approached Cordelia and whispered something in her ear that caused her to grin then tear up, before effectively vanishing into thin air.

The group sat in silence for a long time, watching the fire. Dawn finally looked up. "Um…who wants pancakes?" she asked weakly.

"I could go for some flapjacks right about now," Gunn replied cheerfully, standing up. 

"Food is good," Xander agreed. The group stood, and moved as one back toward the Sunnydale town limits. The path to town was winding and long, but it was the best way to get to where they were going.

__

Fin


End file.
